Suicide Girl
by Lollirotxox
Summary: She came. She came and destroyed my life. And now I've started my new life. New life if that's what you call it. I've become what I wanted most. But without the one I wanted most. Go figure. I'm not Bella Swan anymore. I'm Bella Suicide. /Continued.\
1. Opening

Hey guys,

Thanks to the people who volunteered to adopt Suicide Girl, you were all great but unfortunately I can only pick one of you. I read heaps of samples and read some great fics but in the end my decision was final as to who was going to be the best for the fic. I chose someone who's writing and personal ideas closely mirror my own.

So now I congratulate Lollirotxox as the new author of Suicide Girl. She will continue at her leisure.

It's always hard to give up something you've poured a lot of yourself into, but I don't think I can give Suicide Girl the attention she deserves anymore. I hope Lolli will rise up to the challenge and continue to mould this story into something great.

I will miss all of you and your reviews and who knows; maybe I'll write another story if I ever decide to get my Twilight on!

Love ya,

Queen-Cocaine

xoxo

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Hello!

Words can not express how honored I am to have been given this story by Queen Cocaine. I do have a few ideas for this story, that will coincide with her own, and if things go to plan, she will beta her previous story, as well as possibly make a few guest appearances! I will continue this story to the best of my ability, as I loved and adored it as much as the rest of you.

Now, there are a few things I would like to make clear before I begin.

One. _**I am not Queen Cocaine.**_ This means that my writing style will differ from hers. She has a very unique way with words, that I myself can not match exactly. But it appears that I'm good enough to continue this story in her opinion, no?

Two. The first nine chapters, and the two authors notes above me, were written by Queen Cocaine. Anything other than that, will be written by me.

Three. Here is the image of what Queen Cocaine provided for what Bella Suicide's features are. s190./albums/z246/queen-cocaine/?actionview¤tbellasuicide.jpg

Four. Construction criticism is welcome, as are any good reviews. But if you're going to not even give my writing of this story a chance and just flame, don't waste your time.

As for when this will be updated, I can not give you an exact date. I need to straighten a few things out, concerning the plot, with Queen Cocaine, and then you all will get your long awaited update!

Lastly, as I said. I am not Queen Cocaine. But I hope I can make this story enjoyable for you!

It's better than leaving it completely abandoned, yes?

-LollirotXoX


	2. Chapter 1 The Death Of Bella Swan

_**EEP! First Twilight story! I'm finishing my first two stories and staring up a whole heap more at the moment! Right now I'm doing two Tamora Pierce and attempting to finish a Mediator. What better time to start the fanfic running round my head for the past few weeks and pissing me off. And just so you know, this fanfic basically came from the song 'Angels' by Within Temptation. I'd had a vague outline before but the song gave me the current idea and cemented it. Yay for music! This is somewhere in New Moon, Edward's still gone and it's when Jacob 'leaves' too but before Bella finds out he's a werewolf. She hasn't met Laurence in the woods either. I've made a few changes to the original plotline to suit my story and tir up losoe ends. So here's Suicide Girl, my infant child. Cue curtains!**_

**Disclaimer: In a fit of sorrow and madness I must confess that I don't actually own these characters or this world. Please excuse me while I go slit my wrists in a fit of emo-ness. **

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Chapter One

The eyes; deep scarlet, bleeding into pitch black.

Those eyes caught my own terrified brown ones in their hypnotic gaze as the huntress stalked closer to me. I was curled up in the corner watching her fearfully as she came closer and closer.

Involuntarily I cast a quick glance into the corner where Charlie's body lay. She'd gotten him first, in the middle of the night.

Her beautifully fierce lips curved into a smirk, her fangs dripping venom down over the reddened lips and down her alabaster chin.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," her musical voice was taunting as she wandered further towards me. I was trying to push myself further into the wall, anything to get away from this mad woman.

"Poor little Isabella. Where's your precious Edward now? Not coming to save you?" The hole in my chest gave a particularly strong throb at the mention of his name.

She was right of course. Edward wasn't here, he probably wasn't coming back either. I meant nothing to him. Poor plain, clumsy Isabella Swan would never be good enough for a beautiful, graceful angel like Edward Cullen.

I guess I should have realised that sooner. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much when he left.

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it would have hurt either way. I just didn't want to admit it at the time. Admit that there was no way I would ever be enough for him to love.

He said as much to me when he left.

'You're no good for me.'

Of course I wasn't. I can't even walk over a flat surface without finding something to trip over. I can't even protect my own father. I looked again into Charlie's blank eyes.

I did this to him. I brought the darkness into our lives.

I killed him, the only parent I had left.

Renee died in a car accident about two months ago during my 'empty' period. I hadn't written to her in the longest time. She must have been so worried about me. Worried enough to not be concentrating on driving.

Did I kill my mother as well?

Did I cause the death of free spirited Renee who could never keep down one hobby?

Edward was right to keep away from me. I'd probably somehow cause his demise and the rest of the Cullen's; Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, even Rosalie. In spite of the fact that it's exceptionally hard to kill a vampire, I'm sure I'd somehow accidentally manage it.

The vampire cupped my face with one marble cold, hard hand and tilted it up to meet her crimson eyes

"Do you know why I'm here little Bella?" she asked lightly.

Innocence dripped through her voice, innocence I knew to be false. I remained silent.

Gently, almost carefully she gave a little slap to my cheek. Enough to give a little sting but not enough to bruise

"Answer me when I speak to you my little snack," her finger clasped round my face, harder this time "Do you know why I'm here?"

I swallowed my fear and answered as sarcastically as I could manage "I'm not sure Victoria but please, feel free to tell me."

Victoria's put her face right in front of mine, a few inches separating us. She breathed out and her sweet scented breath filled my nose, making my head spin.

"I'm here because your darling Edward took away the only light in my immortal existence." I frowned trying to piece together what she meant.

What did Edward take away from Victoria? Her success? Her meal? Neither of those things seemed as important as Victoria implied though being a vampire I don't know what she would hold dear. I don't even know what Edward hold dear other than his piano.

I used to think it was me, like Alice loved Jasper and Carlisle loved Esme.

Then it hit me.

Victoria saw by my wide-eyed expression that I got her meaning and continued, "Yes Bella, I can see by your face that you get it. James. He took away James. The one thing I held dear to my admittedly black heart. My mate" she spat the word in my face. I flinched.

"And to make an attempt at consoling myself to a lifetime without him I've decided to take away the thing that his killer held dear. Hurt him as he has hurt me. Make him want to die like I've felt for the first time in my eternal existence. So I thought to my self 'What does 'Edward Cullen love more than anything else in the world?' then I thought of how my darling James died. How that excuse for a vampire killed him to stop him from reaching his goal. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

She was wrong. She was right in Edward killing James to protect me but she was wrong in that I wasn't the thing that Edward loved more than anything else. Edward didn't love me anymore.

"You, Bella." Her voice took on a slightly hysterical edge through the musical tone

"He killed my mate and love for scrawny little mortal YOU!" She screamed in my face now, her voice still managing to sound beautiful though it was a wild beauty not unlike herself.

But not like the singing tones of Alice or the smooth velvet tones of Ed- No I couldn't let myself think that name.

Victoria stood back up. I looked up at her towering above my crouched frame. Her silhouette was faintly illuminated round the edges from the single lamp glowing on the table beside the couch, the sole light stopping this house from plunging into darkness.

It especially lit around Victoria's vivid red hair and made her look as though her head was on fire. And fire kills things.

"You may think it's a twisted way of revenge, instead of killing the murder one I'm killing the one he murdered for. Tit for tat you may call it. Edward killed James for you and now I'm killing you for James."

"You're wrong," I whispered almost silently but I knew she would hear it clearly.

Her brow puckered "Really? Am I so wrong in getting revenge?" She gave a harsh laugh.

"No," I replied "You're wrong in choosing me. I won't hurt him. Edward doesn't love me anymore."

I've said it enough time in my head but I wasn't prepared for the sharp jolt of pain that went through my chest when I admitted it out loud. It just seemed more real and permanent out loud and the hole tore open again.

Victoria looked at me and gave a sharp laugh "Really? And what would make you think that? I know you were some sort of 'pet' of theirs and I did think it slightly bizarre that they would leave you behind. But Bella dear, it takes a great amount of effort to kill a vampire especially one as dangerous and gifted as my James is-was," even now I could sense the mourning in her tone and I almost felt sorry for her.

Even if Edward wasn't dead I still knew how it felt to lose him. After all I wasn't going to see him ever again.

Victoria continued "No vampire would take on another without good reason…or inspiration," she looked obviously at me. I know what she's thinking, even without Edwards's gift.

"You're mistaken, he doesn't love me. He said so himself when he l-left me." I said unemotionally, stumbling a bit on the word 'left'.

I'm good at being unemotional. It's been my demeanour since he left. I'd thawed a bit around Jacob but now he's left me as well.

Victoria raised an enquiring eyebrow and tapped a finger to her lips thoughtfully "Well I suppose it doesn't really make sense that the Edward would leave you behind without any protection. I guess he doesn't really love you," she gave a small laugh and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I thought it was going to pop right out.

Victoria shrugged "Shame," her gaze turned to me and it struck me that she had a keen glint in her eyes. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip slowly and tilted her head, appraising me.

"Now my punishment for you won't get the desired results…but that doesn't mean I should stop on Edwards account does it?"

My throat seized up and I couldn't answer her question despite the fact that it was rhetorical. More than anything I wished Edward was here. Victoria took one step towards me and I cowered further into the wall.

"Oh precious, I have plans for you Isabella Swan and in case you haven't noticed from my eyes, daddy didn't exactly fill me up." she gave a tilt in the head towards Charlie's body. I let out a sob.

I'm so sorry Charlie.

Faster than I could blink I was pinned against the wall by my throat. Hot tears unwillingly made their way down my cheeks.

Victoria's eyes centred on them as they ran down and with one quick flick of her tongue she licked them up off my cheek. First right side then left.

Her head threw back savouring the taste. She let out a moan and her teeth dripped venom.

"I can see the attraction to you Isabella. Your body oozes temptation; ever your tears are sweetly succulent. I can't wait to taste your blood."

With one hand hold my body firmly into place the other swept over in and with one swift move, pulled down the neck of my jumper to allow her teeth to sink into my neck.

Almost instantly fire burned from the spot only to be extinguished by the numbing pleasure that came from the venom in her teeth. I fought furiously against the drowsy ease that threatened to overcome my senses and the burning that lingered at the edge of my mind.

All of a sudden the happiness was wrenched violently away from me and I cried out as I hit the floor, Victoria no longer there to support me.

My body flew into spasms and I could make out blurry shapes above me as I seizured on the ground.

The pain was threatening to engulf me again and I could just make out a screech, Victoria. The red flash that was her hair was quickly being overcome by a larger shape.

A huge mammal- no four huge animals were bearing down on her. Were they the bears that have been killing hikers around the mountains?

I couldn't think properly and the pain was almost completely overwhelming me. The fire burned all of my senses, travelling throughout my body. Someone was holding my, shaking me.

"Bella, Bella! Speak to me please!"

I couldn't quite make out the face above me. I wanted Edward.

Another voice joined the first one, Victoria was no where to be seen.

"The bloodsucker left before we could take her down," The second voice was saying.

"What's wrong with Bella?" The first asked fearfully.

"She's been bitten; Jake we have to get her to the hospital," a third chimed in.

Jake! This was Jake cradling me in his arms.

I tried to talk to him but nothing came out. It was like my throat wasn't working, had been replaced by the exhaust pipe of a motorcycle. I was sure smoke must be coming out of my mouth from the fire engulfing my body.

Jake shushed me "Don't try to talk Bella. We can't take her to the hospital Embry."

There was a blend of voices, anger colouring their tones. The second voice started to speak again and they all fell silent immediately

"We need to take her to the hospital Jake. She most likely won't live through this and we can't take any risks with her body being found near La Push. And if she does…'survive' this, how can we have a vampire in our lands? In our home? She's going to hospital and that's final."

Jake's voice started to protest again "Sam-," he was cut off by a forth voice.

"You heard Sam Jake. The police are already on their way, we can't do anything more for her and we can't be caught here." There was more angry voices and suddenly I was lain gently down on the floor.

"I'm sorry Bella. But I can't disobey him." Jake whispered.

I tried to cry out to him, for him to stay. If I couldn't have Edward then Jake was the next best thing. A short burst of air momentarily cooled me but the fire quickly returned and I knew I was alone in my agony.

Five hours, or was it minutes, later a new sound came from outside. The wailing of siren and screeching of tires as a red and blue flashing appeared on the wall from the window outside. My mind was almost completely taken over by the black pain as the banging started and ended suddenly as the door way kicked down. More sounds, people filled the room and a flurry of voices hurt my head.

"Chief Swan?"

"He's dead."

"What about the girl."

"Alive."

"Chief Swan's daughter is still alive! Call paramedics!"

"Bella Swan survived. Something's wrong with her though"

"Any clue on the assailant?"

"None." the voices carried on and on running through my head as the fire raced through my body.

I twisted in agony and suddenly I was surrounded by people in white. A brief lifting sensation and I was on a stretcher. Then I was in an ambulance. More people in white coats blurred around me and finally the pain took over and it was black.

--

A continuous high pitched noise awoke me. With my eyes shut I could hear everything clearly. There were feet rushing around me, murmured voices speaking clearly

"Machine flat lined, she's gone."

Another female spoke "It's a shame Dr Cullen left, perhaps he could have saved her. She was his son's girlfriend wasn't she?"

"Yes, poor love. I hope they catch whoever did this to her and her father."

I opened my eyes a fraction of a crack, not noticeable to anyone of the people surrounding me. I could still see everything so clearly.

I could see the skin cells on a grey haired nurse standing over me, the gap between each eyelash, even a piece of dirt caught in one of her wrinkles. Okay, that last one creeped me out a little.

There was a slight pressure on my left index finger and my squinted gaze shifted down to see an item like a paperclip attached to it. A cord lead up to the machine that was making the monotonous noise; a screen with a green flat line playing across it.

It hit me with a jolt, I was dead.

No, I was a vampire.

And if I made a single move anytime soon I would freak out a lot of people. I stayed perfectly still; a marble statue was what I used to call him when he went like this.

The nurse leant over me again and I could hear the pumping of her heart and the rushing of blood through her veins, I was suddenly hit with a burning feeling in the back of my throat.

I was hungry, really hungry.

My mind came up with two possibilities; I could either slaughter this woman and anyone else who happened to observe me. My eyes flickered round the room, three doctors and five nurses plus an open door meaning anyone who happened to be passing by at the time.

Or, I could lie perfectly still and wait for the opportune moment to leave.

I took another look at the nurse standing over me. She looked like someone's grandmother. In fact she probably was, and a mother and a wife.

A pang hit me as I thought of my own mother, then of Charlie. He was killed by a vampire, a monster, was I going to put another family through that?

No, I stayed perfectly still and felt the paperclip thing be pulled off my finger and the flat line machine to be switched off.

I was shifted to another trolley; someone idly commented "I've never known a corpse to go so stiff and cold so fast." before a bag was pulled around me and a zip fastened over my face.

I finally opened my eyes; I was in a body bag. The sensation of moving began and I felt a man push me down the hallways, turning corners every so often. I kept perfectly still even as he unzipped the bag and another woman, mid-thirties, helped him bring me onto a tray.

"Suicide?" she asked pulling on a latex glove.

The man shook his head "Nah, that's chief Swan's daughter. Didn't you hear? Some crackpot broke in and slaughtered them both."

The women frowned, her brow puckering in lines already there "Yeah, I think I got him earlier. Number 17820. Any leads?"

"None, no finger prints, no nothing." The man said "It's sad. Murder almost never happens in towns like this and suddenly we have a double homicide with the police chief himself and his daughter."

"Sad," the woman agreed and with one shove the tray I was one went into a large freezer in the wall.

I didn't feel the cold though. I didn't feel anything.

I waited patiently for the two forensic scientists to leave. A number ran through my head: 17820. Charlie.

Finally two sets of footprints left as well as the small murmur of conversation, both going down the hall. I pulled my feet back as far as the cramped space would allow and shoved them forwards, my strength hitting the end of the space and forcing the tray forwards out of the freezer.

In a flash I jumped up off the tray, I was wearing a plain white hospital gown that hung off my slim frame and looked slightly yellowed next my porcelain white skin. I looked across the numbered fridge trays until I reached number 17820.

Trembling fingers pulled out the tray and I looked Charlie's stiff cold body. With his eyes shut he almost looked like he was sleeping if it wasn't for the fact I couldn't hear his heart pumping. I let out a dry sob and touched his curly hair tenderly.

"I'm sorry dad," I whispered "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry." I pressed a chaste kiss on his still forehead

"I love you." I breathed out.

I could hear the quick light footsteps of the female doctor coming the stairs.

"Goodbye dad." I lightly pushed the tray back into the fridge, surrendering my fathers body. The doctor's hands closed on the door handle and when she pushed it open I ran past her in the open doorway as a blur.

She looked up briefly "Damn drafts." before going back to reading the clipboard in her hands as she closed the door behind her.

Faster than I could imagine, I sped out of the hospital and through forks until I reached a familiar house in front of a forest, the same forest that Edward left me in. I needed him more than ever at the moment.

A sharp throb was felt within me when I saw the yellow crime scene tape pulled in an 'X' across my open doorway to prevent entry. I gracefully dodged it as I made my way into the house.

It was still the same as normal, and barring the blood dried on the walls, it gave no indication of what happened here three days ago. I walked slowly to my bedroom, savouring the feeling of being in this house once again. It's unlikely I will ever be able to come here again.

I changed quickly in my room, wearing black jeans and a lacy black tank top Renee brought me. The one that was too small for me. It fit perfectly now.

I was finally able to assess me new self: I had red pouting lips that would put a geisha to shame and pale blemish free skin with lavender circles surrounding my scarlet eyes.

I thought I would have woken up with golden eyes like the Cullen's but obviously not.

My figure was hour glass shaped with a fuller perkier bust which sloped down into a very slim waistline.

My hair had darkened, still brown but almost black in colour with natural pink highlights giving it a shimmering glow. It now reached mid back and hung in loose curls. Even my finger, I noticed had lengthened to long pianists fingers with a French manicure finish.

My eyebrows were delicately arched rather than straight and my lashes were sooty black and fringed round my eyes which had changed shape. They were now more almond shape than round with a distinctive upturn at the ends to give an exotic look.

…beautiful.

Not a blinding beauty like Rosalie or a wild beauty like Victoria.

My legs had grown to supermodel proportions making me tall and willowy. I had it all in looks but the one person I wanted to share it with wasn't there.

The hole in my chest returned with a throb, silly me for thinking it would go away once I was dead. I tightened my arms around my ribcage and looked around for something to distract me with.

There! Something caught my eye with my enhanced sight, on the floor was a floorboard, a few millimetres taller than the rest. I leant down and gave it a curious tap, it was hollowed underneath and the sound waves came back with a blockage in it.

Frowning I edged my fingernails underneath the board and pulled it up. I couldn't believe what I found in the hole. Reaching in with shaking hands I pulled out three photos and a CD.

The photo's of Edward and the CD of his compositions he gave me for my eighteenth birthday.

The dreaded birthday that ruined it all.

My arms tightened even more so round my chest to the point where I couldn't breathe. Then I remembered that I didn't exactly have to.

I grabbed a bag and put in a few items holding sentimental value: the photo album with the missing pictures placed back into it, the CD, a locket from Renee, one of Charlie's fishing lures and my favourite jumper, the one Edward said he loved me in.

With one sombre glance round my empty bedroom I strode forward to my bedroom window. The height that I always panicked Edward would fall off and hurt himself seemed menial now.

With one small step I hit the ground fast and was off even faster.

I found myself at the top of the cliff where I saw Sam and his gang cliff diving. I'd begged Jake to take me. That seemed so long ago now.

I looked down at the water below. This jump didn't seem like anything either.

I gave a harsh laugh to myself, it sounded beautiful. I tried out my new voice, I sounded like singing.

"Bella, Isabella Swan."

No, I couldn't go by that name anymore. I couldn't risk people knowing who Isabella Swan was.

What did that lady at the morgue call me?

Suicidal?

I looked down at the deep dark water below me. I guess I was in a way.

And soon the world would know it.

And most of all Edward, I would get him back.

I would see him again.

I swear it.

"Bella. Suicide."

My new name rolled off my tongue. I liked it.

I gave one more smile before stepping forward and taking the plunge.

Towards my destiny.

_**Fabby place to stop. I was originally going to finish it when Jacob left Bella 'alone in her agony' but I wanted this entire beginning thing in one huge chapter. I hope you like the name; it gives a hint to where I'm going with Bella's new life and personality. There are a few hints in that last bit actually. See if you can spot them! Anyways I'm out! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Writing Bella just flowed for me.**_

_**A promise is only a comfort to a fool…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	3. Chapter 2 Perfecting Perfection

**I couldn't keep away. Really, this was in my head for ages and I just needed to get it out. I've put up photos of Bella Suicide look-a-likes in my profile if you want to check those out. Please review and I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the song Angels, it is sung by a talented band called Within Temptation. I suggest you check them out.**_

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_Chapter Two_

_Seventeen years later, Los Angeles, 2020._

Perfection is a virtue that so little of us are gifted with.

It is not something easily given to mortals. But I am no mortal.

Perfection is staring duly back at me from a mirror. I know how very like Rosalie I sounded right then but it's true.

And who knew that perfection could be so very boring with no one to share it with. Or at least one person in particular. The hole in my chest gave a ripping throb at that one. Even after seventeen years as one of the undead, I still hurt whenever I think of him. I just try not to think so much.

I love being a vampire, I truly do, I just wish I didn't have to go it alone. But vampires are used to being alone.

Unless we're with our mate we prefer to live in solitude, the only acceptations I know to that rule are the two 'vegetarian' vampire families and the vampire royalty known as the Volturi.

I don't like to be alone though. I could have tried to find another family; I doubt that Tania's family and the Cullen's are the only vampires who have chosen to live together on a diet of animals.

But really, I can't deal with being with any family other then his. So my solitude is not wanted yet chosen…or at least till my plan is complete.

I have plans.

I've been working on these plans for almost the entirety of my existence since my rebirth. The reason I'm here in this place, staring into this mirror is because of my plans. All part of the big one.

Who knew I had such a scheming side to me? This year my plot was set in motion for the first time, elaborately planned down to the last detail. This is the very start. What I've been working towards.

My perfectly perfect reflection mirrored my small smirk and I shake my hair out and watch it fall perfectly back into place. A messy, sexy mane, designed to suit my new personnel.

A timid knock is sounded at the door, a head with a microphone headset permanently attached to his head pokes through the cracked door hesitantly.

My eyes flickered to him before he even opened the door. I can smell his trepidation for me.

No matter how many times he deals with people like me he will never get used to seeing us in the flash. I raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow when he says nothing. He blushes, like I used to when I was human, and clears his throat nervously, "Erm, Miss Suicide…You're on in five"

I nod silently and graciously rise from my chair. That's what I love about being a vampire, my ever permanent grace and poise.

He closes the door slowly but as soon as it shut I can hear him belt down the hallway. I let out one delicate snort, Hollywood wannabes.

He does not know Bella Suicide. No one knows me.

To them I am an illusion, a farce of flawlessness. They don't know who or what I really am. And what my reasons for being here are.

I can control their every move with a glance. I'm here because I want to; if I didn't then I would simply disappear without a trace.

Bella Suicide would never exist.

They wouldn't be able to ever find me. Not one of these people knows who I am. Not one of them knows what I look like either.

My eyes flicker to the mirror again. My burgundy eyes are covered with a slim mask made of glued black sequins that glitters temptingly in the light.

That's part of my plan as well. I couldn't care less on whether the public knows my face; there are others I need to hide from. I keep the mask on at all times in the public view.

I stepped silently out of the room and glide down the path the assistant had made before; his delectable smell still lingers strongly. My tongue flickers over my lips and my teeth consciously lengthen to a canine grin.

All part of my elaborate masquerade.

Backstage, everything is a flurry. I wander almost dreamlike through the throngs of busy people. A faceless person clips a mike onto my corseted top while another pulled the strings as tight as they can go, warping my waist to unnatural proportions.

The outfit I was wearing really was a work of art, and designers. A mixture of corsets, fishnet, lace and silk adorned my body in a twisted weave even I couldn't keep up with. My boots were black and lacy like the rest of my ensemble with a stiletto heel, very witch-like boots perfect for my character.

Make-up artists unnecessarily touched me up while stylists did the same for my hair, adding a rose here, twisting a curl there to give that just-spent-five-hours-in-a-salon look so many want.

Simultaneously they all dispensed at once as another voice rang out "Cue lights, camera and action people!"

There was immediate practised silence and I gazed idly at a screen currently showing a spinning logo of obnoxious colouring fly across the monitor.

"It's late night entertainment live with Katie O'Donnell!!" the screen zoomed in on an equally obnoxiously made up woman with Barbara Walters inspired blonde hair sitting in a well lit studio exhibiting a living room scene.

The paid audience cheered wildly and Katie O'Donnell waved a hand casually to dispense them though anyone with half a brain could see that she was loving it. Katie gave a plastic grin at the audience,

"Hi folks and welcome to the show." she waited until the cheers had died down before staring to talk a hundred miles an hour, thankfully I could keep up with her no problem.

"…and we have a very special guest here with us today. She just appeared out of nowhere, her album just going through the roof, a voice like an angel and a body which no amount of Pilates is going to make me pull off." The audience laughed.

Katie stood and gestured towards stage right with one outstretched arm "She's in the studio right now and we are getting the first interview! You all know who I'm talking about! The scene queen of rock, the saucy siren herself…let's give it up people for BELLA SUICIDE!!" and the crowd went absolutely wild with that one.

"Cue Suicide," a voice said and I took to the stage, gliding on with perfect plastic smile in place. Some sort of bad-ass rock music was playing throughout my entrance.

I paused, looked straight into the camera and played my bad persona to the full, sticking out my tongue, showing the bar shoved through it, and pulling the one finger salute at the American race. They loved it.

Continuing to my seat I gave a short twirl before plonking myself and readying myself for the onslaught of questions about to be thrown at me.

"Bella, can I call you Bella? It's great to have you on the show and may I say you are looking gorgeous. Just look at those teeth. Damn those fangs look so realistic, just who is your dentist?"

"Now, now Katie, I can't give away all my secrets but thank you anyway. It's great to be here." I replied. Katie looked slightly taken aback at the fact that my voice sounded kind of like I was singing. I suppose it's disconcerting to most people. She took a quick breath to put herself back together before starting again

"So Bella, you appeared on the scene less than a year ago and already your first album going overly platinum. Your angelic tones have lured in countless of people from all over the world. Just how did you achieve such domination in the music industry in such a short while? No one knows anything about you, where you hailed from, what your favourite colour is, family, nothing! So my aim today in your first live interview is to get to know you and your story, find out just who is the real Bella Suicide?"

She's someone you'll never know.

But I smiled back, shocking her temporarily to silence "Just how would you describe yourself Katie? Big hair, big mouth and the biggest talk show on since Oprah? How does anyone describe who they really are? Meaningless facts about me don't tell who I am as a person. I'm Bella Suicide and that's all anyone here has to know."

Plan of attack, talk a lot yet say little.

"Mmmhmm, and where exactly did that name come from? There have been many controversies surrounding you use of the word 'suicide' as your name. A petition signed by twenty thousand concerned parents who don't want their children to get wrong ideas was sent to you yet you ignored it in a move that shocked the nation and threatened to end your career. Yet for some reason you survived and album sales increased putting you at the top of the fame food chain. You faced possible, excuse the pun, 'career suicide' over a name. If I may ask, are there personal reasons surrounding your name? Is it a reflection of bitter past experiences? A manifestation of your 'suicidal' inner self?"

I drew my fingers together "Suicide, the intentional taking of ones own life. I commit suicide by existing everyday and I choose to exist. I am suicide onto myself, suicide is me and I am it. Thus the name."

I don't think that made sense to anyone but it wasn't supposed to. That's not the point of my being here today.

Katie looked perplexed "Okaay…moving on now. Romance is in the air for a Miss Suicide?"

I raised an eyebrow "Not that I'm aware of."

Katie playfully swatted at my arm resting on the armrest. I subtly moved it out of the way before she could touch me, my freezing marble skin would not do for her to feel. Katie looked slightly put out but continued with a fake brightness

"Oh don't be coy," she leant in "On our show last week we had a certain male actor come to visit, Jet Brady," my eyes flicked to the screens above the stage where a short clip of the air headed blonde actor was playing.

The Katie on the screen was doing just what Katie in real life was doing, leaning forward as if partial to a dirty secret which Jet Brady was gleefully obliged to give.

"Fame is one thing," Jet was saying "but what is it without someone to share it with?" the audience Aww-ed. Katie looked like she had found a particularly juicy titbit to sink her teeth into.

"Any lucky lady in particular?" Jet leaned back nonchalantly "We're trying to keep it private at the moment, Bella and I."

Katie gasped "Bella?! Bella Suicide?"

Jet tapped his nose in a 'need-to-know-basis' kind of way "It's only been a few dates, a couple of kisses and soon, a night at my condo in the mountains." the audience whooped and did cat calls.

Katie turned back to me with a question on her lips, I bet her to it.

"And I wonder how exactly Mr Brady could have given me 'a couple of kisses' when I've never met the man before?"

Katie's mouth dropped open as did several of the audience members. "He lied?!" She blurted, "On my show?!"

And I was ready to reveal the next step.

"There's only one person on earth that I would ever consider kissing."

As expected Katie jumped through the hoop. "Could this be the same person you wrote most of your songs about?"

I smirked and tapped the side of my nose in a mockery of Jet Brady. The audience screamed and cheered. Also to be expected. Hollywood types were incredibly easy to manipulate.

"So what happened?" Katie asked eagerly in a manner reminding me of Jessica.

I feigned sadness, leaning back in my seat "High school sweethearts, he moved. We didn't keep contact; he thought that a clean break would heal me more easily" I said emphasising the 'clean break' part.

Plan set in motion. Next phase commencing.

Katie wiped at her eyes "That's so sad. And he is the reason for your success?"

I shrugged "I guess so. I've written a song about it, yet to be released called Angels."

Katie perked up visibly "Any chance of a preview?"

I tilted my head, pretending to think about it though my answer was already made up. I turned to the audience

"What do you think?" I yelled "You want to hear my new song?" they cheered wildly, whistles and stamping feet sounding throughout the studio.

I stood up straight "ALRIGHT THEN!" Louder cheers.

"This is dedicated to my own angel, who left me. And to him all I have to say right now is…FUCK YOU!!" The crowd got to their feet and screamed.

"A lot of anger there." Katie remarked behind me.

I gave her a beatific smile over my shoulder "Gallons of it."

With a gesture of my head a crewman brought out a microphone stand while another passed me a guitar, black, with the initials BS in curvaceous writing on the back in real diamond studs. I learnt to play during my seventeen years of silence.

I learnt to do a lot of things.

Katie sat down, I knew the thoughts going through her head; the ratings will be shooting up. It's the least I could do for her since she did assist in my plan, albeit not intentionally.

The music I had already given to a stagehand in preparation for this. I slung the strap of the guitar over my shoulder, it resting on my back so as not to get in the way yet. The lights dimmed to a blue film as I took my place in front of the microphone. Looking directly into the camera I said

"What is up America? This is Bella Suicide singing her new song Angels, live in front of you right now on the Katie O'Donnell show!"

I dipped my head as the first strings of soft music reached my ears, taking a deep breath I started singing softly.

"_Sparkling angel _

_I believe._

_You were my savoir in my time of need._

_Blinded by faith I couldn't hear._

_All the whispers, the warnings so clear._

_I see the angels;I'll lead them to your door._

_There's no escape now,_

_No mercy no more._

_No remorse cause I still remember."_

My head shot up with a smirk and a practised twisted took my guitar into my arms just in time for the hook, the amp pumping the sound throughout the studio. Bright lights flashed around me, making my skin glitter vaguely.

I felt Katie's eyes on my back and knew she was thinking why wardrobe never made her skin shimmer like that.

"_The smile when you tore me apart._

_You took my heart,_

_deceived me right from the start._

_You showed me dreams;I wished they'd turn into real._

_You broke a promise and made me realize._

_It was all just a lie."_

Everything I've felt during my time of depression when he first left me, before Charlie died was poured into this song. It was the first I've ever written and has been hidden for seventeen years until this moment.

My eyes are almost completely black from the adrenaline that pumps through me every time I sing.

"_Sparkling angel, I couldn't see_

_your dark intentions, your feelings for me._

_Fallen angel, tell me why?_

_What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?_

_I see the angels,_

_I'll lead them to your door_

_There's no escape now_

_No mercy no more_

_No remorse cause I still remember _

_The smile when you tore me apart_

_You took my heart,_

_Deceived me right from the start._

_You showed me dreams;_

_I wished they turn into real._

_You broke a promise and made me realize._

_It was all just a lie._

_Could have been forever._

_Now we have reached the end."_

This song is about Edward leaving me.

It's full of the anger, angst and depression I felt during that period. During the time where my mother died, Jacob left me and finally Victoria tore what's left of my life into shreds. I'm pretty sure none of that would have happened if Edward hadn't left me.

I can't blame him though, if I hadn't cut my finger on a sheet of paper then Jasper wouldn't have attacked me and the Cullen's wouldn't have had to leave.

I'm sure they would have eventually but maybe, just maybe, they would have taken me with them.

My music dwindled for a bit before the big climax in the song when I sung the hook again.

"_This world may have failed you;_

_it doesn't give you a reason why._

_You could have chosen a different path in life._

_The smile when you tore me apart.__  
You took my heart,_

_deceived me right from the start._

_You showed me dreams;I wished they turn into real._

_You broke the promise and made me realize._

_It was all just a lie._

_Could have been forever._

_Now we have reached the end"_

I bowed my head once again as the final chords played into the silent studio. I murmured into the microphone "Thank you." The crowd exploded. And I'm pretty sure most watching this did too.

I only hoped that it wasn't in vain. That the people who needed to see it did. Because if they did then stage one is compete and unless I'm mistaken, stage two is waiting for me in my dressing room. Katie stands up to clap for me

"Bella Suicide everyone!"

I give a queen-like wave of my wrist and a wryly smile before turning my guitar back onto my back and walking off stage.

"Good to have you Bella!" Katie calls behind me. Without an indication of me hearing her I strode down the hallways, impatiently brushing off the studio staff that was following me.

I needed to get to my room, fast. I strode down the hall to my room. With one final flick away of the glue-like producers I entered my room, slamming the door and locking it behind me.

I turned to look at the five occupants already seated in my room. My eyes passed over a two men and a short hair girl with a androgynous face, my look lingered on a tall brunette with strange purple eyes originating from blue contacts over red eyes and finally my eyes rested on the man in the centre of them all.

Pitch black hair with soft-looking papery skin I knew to be as hard as granite, he stood regally in the centre of the room with his arms outstretched to me in a show of friendship.

"Good evening Miss Suicide."

I smirked, here's phase two: All vampires, all Italian, all Volturi.

* * *

Somewhere in London, England

A girl sat motionless before a leather couch except for her fingers continuously flicking through channels on the large television before her. The strikingly beautiful blonde lying on the couch behind her, flicking through a fashion magazine, looked up in irritation.

"For God's sake Alice, choose a channel and stick to it!"

Alice looked over "Shut up Rosalie."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and snatched the remote from her pixie sized sister and choosing a random channel. Alice stuck out her tongue but watched the screen anyway. A bright logo flashed across the screen.

"It's late night entertainment live with Katie O'Donnell!!"

Alice snorted "I didn't know we got American shows here." Rosalie shrugged.

"…give it up people for BELLA SUICIDE!!" a woman with a blonde coiffeur beamed gesturing to an approaching figure.

Rosalie looked up "Who's Bella Suicide?"

"Some rock star chick everyone's crazy about these days." Emmett answered from upstairs.

Alice tilted her head as a beautiful girl with dark hair and pink streaks, dressed in a flamboyant outfit appeared on stage. A close up of her face and she looked straight into the camera, pulling the finger and showing her tongue piercing.

"Hey Rose, take a look at this." Alice said frowning.

Rosalie put down the magazine "What?" she asked flatly.

"She looks like one of us." Alice replied.

Rosalie rolled her eyes in reply "It's probably make-up."

"She has fangs."

"A really good dentist then. Every goth rock star has fangs these days, it's nothing Alice."

"Red eyes too," Alice ignored her sister "And her skin glitters faintly in the lighting. It's not enough to be really obvious, only if you know what you're looking for. She's a vampire Rosalie."

At this Rosalie looked at the screen, properly this time. "Hey guys, come have a look at this," she said in voice no louder than what you'd use in a conversation, knowing that they would hear her.

Jasper and Emmett appeared beside the couch, Esme and Carlisle had taken Edward on a hunting trip. Following Rosalie's comment they watched the screen motionlessly, right through the interview and the song, until Bella Suicide strode offstage without a word.

"Did you see her eyes turn black at the end?" Alice immediately spoke as soon as it finished "That's really dangerous. She could lose control and expose us."

"The question here is: what is a vampire doing as a rock star?" Jasper wondered out loud, wrapping his arms around his wife.

Emmett frowned "Hey, she looks kind of familiar."

"Yeah," Alice replied, she hit rewind on the remote and the television rewound until she hit a close up of the singer's face. "I know her from somewhere but I can't grasp it."

"Well, only one way to find out." Emmett said jovially scooping up a protesting Rosalie into his arms "I was getting bored here with mom, dad and Ed's out hunting anyway."

Jasper raised an eyebrow "You're suggesting…"

Emmett nodded "Let's go find Bella Suicide."

* * *

_**Wow, like two cliff hangers in there. I hope you liked the song. Personally I think it really fits with New Moon. Bella has plans. Very very elaborate plans. Time to set these plans in motion. Rock on Bella Suicide!**_

_**The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	4. Chapter 3 Have Faith In My Abilities

**Hi. Sorry to leave you there but I've just gotten back from Wellington and only now got a chance to update. I also had to update my other fics of which I'm currently balancing four, three of which are newish. I didn't really like the bit at the end with the Cullen's so I went back and edited it a bit with very subtle changes. You don't really have to read it but whatever. Here's chapter three, enjoy! **

* * *

_Chapter Three_

"Good evening Miss Suicide."

The frail looking skin, the pitch black tresses. It couldn't have been Marcus with his snow white hair. That only left the other two, both almost identical with untouched raven locks despite their age. And judging by the welcome smile and deceptive friendly aura around the vampire I could easily guess which one I was dealing with.

"Lord Aro of the Volturi. What a pleasant…surprise." I smiled cordially and extended a hand "Bella Suicide. Though I can see you already know that."

He laughed, a sound as light as his feathery voice, and took my hand kissing it gently. An expression flickered across the face of the purple eyed brunette.

Annoyance? Whatever it was it was gone in less than a split-second and I was certain that no one but me saw it. And I wouldn't have even see it if I hadn't been looking at that exact moment.

She looked to be about twenty-five with luscious chestnut hair and a model's pout on her perfectly shaped lips. Her name came to me; Heidi.

I turned my attention back to Aro in time for his to straighten back up, a perplexed look on his face. I knew exactly what was confusing him, his gift of seeing every though an individual has ever had with a single touch was blind to me.

All powers are blind to me.

My lips quivered treacherously but I allowed no smirk to surface when I politely asked "Any particular reason for your visit? I take it this is not a social call."

The frown vanished into his eyes to watch me warily but his expression calmed. He gestured for me to sit down in my dressing table chair and I accepted without reminding him that this was actually my room and I should be the one offering seats.

I lay my hands softly in he lap and turned my full attention to Aro, pretending to be ignorant of the other vampires closing in subtly to form a circle around me – With no way out.

"Miss Suicide," Aro started.

"Bella, please Lord Volturi." I interrupted with a smile.

Aro returned it "Then you must call me Aro. The title makes me feel old." I inwardly snorted; this was from a man five millennia and still going strong.

As an afterthought he added with a brushing hand to his companions "Dimitri, Fabian, Jane and Heidi."

A 'look' was given to the last person. I recognised that 'look' as the look _he_ used to give me. It all became clearer now. I next assessed the companions themselves.

The two men were first, both of them with sickly pale olive skin and thick black hair. Dimitri the tracker, no vampire or mortal was hidden. However I allowed him to find me, just this once.

Fabian created impenetrable force fields to keep out both enemy and, as an added bonus, eavesdroppers.

The child-like girl with the androgynous face was Jane the bringer of pain – for lack of a better word. Her sick little smile would bring anyone to their knees and now everyone was in revered awe around her. I couldn't wait for her expression when she used it on me.

Heidi, she was both the fisherman and the bait. Suggestive thought coupled with immense beauty goes along way in bring your food to you. This analysis took less than a second and my attention was back on Aro.

"Miss – Bella, perhaps it would be prudent if we warded the rooms before this particular conversation. Fabian?" The man raised his hands but I stopped him.

"Please, allow me." I said with a beatific smile. This would be the opportune time for me to unveil my own power.

I closed my eyes and looked within myself and selected a small tendril of my consciousness out of the spring locked deep in my mind. I mentally threw this small glowing string only I could see towards Fabian and hooked onto a small piece of the essence of his gift.

It retreated into me and the tendril went back into my inner well while the essence went into, I suppose I could call it a 'box' in the back of my mind ready for my beck and call.

His power was now mine for whenever I wished to use it. It would be nearly as good as the original but not as long lasting. Quite energy consuming in fact.

I opened my eyes again and threw up my hands in a mimic of Fabian's earlier movement. A pale white net cast out of my hands and covered the walls. No one would be able to hear us now. The Volturi stared at me and a calculating look appeared on Aro's face.

"Power manipulation," he said finally "This would be the reason why I could not get into your mind before."

The Volturi minus Heidi gave Aro a sharp look at this, Heidi would have already known through the bond. I nodded, pleased with him getting it quickly. It would save me an explanation.

Aro was still musing "This would of course be invaluable to my guards." I knew he'd make the offer but it's not in my plans to become one of the Volturi. Ally with them but not to actually join.

"Aro, your visit?" I prompted, knocking him out of his thoughts. "Ah yes, well Bella your fame has blatantly flaunted your status as a vampire to the world. This as you may imagine is a concern to the Volturi, us priding ourselves on being the 'polizia' as you say to vampires. We feel that your celebrity could reveal us to the mortals. That is not acceptable."

"Aro, I understand your apprehension completely but let me assure you, I have no intention of revealing myself to humans."

"You already have," Fabian pointed out "Your fangs are trademarked to Bella Suicide as is your unusual eye colour. Red is not natural for these mortals."

I shrugged "Humans think that they are props. To them the teeth are false and the eyes are contacts. Bella Suicide is an enigma behind a mask but no one doubts that she is mortal except for those who already know what we are. I know the risks and have taken precautions."

"If those fail?" Aro challenged.

I smiled; my fangs glinted in the lighting around my mirror "They won't."

"How can you be sure?" This was Heidi now, curiosity lacing her soft accent.

I tilted my head nonchalantly "This thing has been seventeen years in the making. Any possible exposure situations have been carefully analysed, twisted and refined until I have a way out for every possible angle. I'm sure."

I've spent one whole year working out the kinks, and without sleep that's twenty-four hours of planning excluding time set aside for feeding. That's thousands of hours of working just on exposure risks and ways around them. With all that behind me, I'm more than sure that I'm ready.

But they don't know that. They'll just have to take my word for it, if they can trust my word.

Or if they should.

That however remains to be foreseen.

"And if you loose control? I noticed your change in eye colour during your performance. Beautiful singing by the way." Aro complimented.

I nodded "Thank you. But you have no need of worry, my control is perfect. I've never fed from a human before."

"And yet your eyes tell a different story," Aro scrutinized my scarlet irises with his own. I met his gaze squarely

"I don't feed from humans, that's true. But that is not to say I don't drink their blood."

"Explain," came the short reply. I smirked and got up, gliding over to a box, specially built to my exact requirements, in the corner.

I tapped in a long number sequence into a keypad on the top and it opened with a hiss. Inside, layered comfortably inside the space were clear plastic bags full of thick red liquid. I picked one up, feeling the staring gaze of the Volturi on my back as I did so.

"I have no need to feed on humans, or animal for that matter because I have my own supply of blood for whenever I need it. The black in my irises before was from the adrenaline rushing in the climax of my music. It would be chalked down to being lighting or another technical matter if people noticed it at all."

"Where did you get it?" Heidi sounded curious again.

"I robbed a blood bank." I said, amusement colouring my tone.

"You drink it cold?" Demitri asked, his tone hinting a mix of curiosity and disgust.

I shook my head "No, the container is specially constructed to my precise instructions. It is opened by a constantly changing password, too long for any mortal to remember or type in without my realising they're there. It is kept to an exact temperature of thirty-seven degrees Celsius to mimic the body's heat. It is also labelled to the donor's details for taste. The system is impeccable."

"It's unnatural is what it is," Fabian snapped "Vampires are made to hunt and drink from humans, not plastic bags."

I smiled sweetly "And how many times have you slipped up and succumbed to you hunting instincts? Vampires loose themselves to their primitive nature when hunting and this makes for mistakes when they're not. I've never attacked a human and I have more control than, than…" I swallowed "Than Carlisle Cullen. This system allows me blood whenever I need it without having to kill a human. In fact, I needn't kill at all. And an advantage even to the 'vegetarian' type vampires is that I need not kill animals either."

Aro nodded thoughtfully "It is an interesting theory to be sure but I am certain I would not survive on it. Five thousand years eating habits cannot change easily."

"I would not dream of imposing my personal choice on you Aro. I am merely demonstrating one of my alternative control methods to ease your mind. I'm am not sure if the system works on all vampires as I never really had a taste for blood, neither in my previous life or existence now."

I have been thinking of testing my hypothesis on another vampire that had been drinking blood before that but now is not the time for this. Perhaps after my plan's success I could experiment. Aro was inspecting me again and I mentally prepared me for his expected offer.

"Such a thought out idea," he started "You cunning and intelligence intrigues me. Every one of my objections you have already thought of. In fact, if I did not know better I'd say you were expecting us."

You have no idea. I've been expecting you to come on this precise day for years.

"Have you ever considered the possibility of putting that intellect to use in another area? We could use you in our guard in the Volturi, the singing is a nice way to make money but it is hardly challenging."

"Thank you for your kind offer Lord Aro, but the singing offers another type of use for me. Joining the Volturi is not my intention." I said carefully but firmly. Aro's eyes got a dangerous glint and the Volturi shifted stance and Jane moved to Aro's side.

"Perhaps you better review that Miss Suicide. You skills at power manipulation will be a valued asset and you are hardly in a position to argue."

Au contraire Lord Aro. I'm in exactly the position I want to be. I shook my head with a slight smile

"No, the Volturi will have to do without my skills. They've managed for the last five thousand years have they not?"

Aro sighed "I've never met another with such a fascinating power as yours. Using other's gifts as your own. And unfortunately I'm not inclined to give up this prize so easily." He reached out and caressed Jane's face, Heidi's face turned to stone.

"Jane dearest, will you please give an example of what Miss Suicide will endure if she does not comply with my wishes?"

Jane gave a little giggle and smiled sweetly at me. Nothing happened. Her brow furrowed and I gave a mocking sugary smile back at her. She scowled with a nod from Aro leapt at me.

I flicked a hand and she hit the white web that sprang around me; Fabians force field. She hissed in fury and prepared to attack again but Aro held up a hand as I started to speak.

"Lord Aro, your torture will not work on me nor will attacking me. Unless I wish for it, gifts do not affect me. My answer for the Volturi is unchangeable but not final. I will be happy to work _with_ the Volturi but not _for_. None of your powers will work on me but then will work for me to use on yourselves. As you know from experience Fabians shields are impenetrable even to you even if you use the entire of the Volturi. And if you do I will then just have more powers to choose from to attack you while you will not be able to use anything. I understand your motivation to have me also stems from a desire for me to be under the supervision of the Volturi but rest assured I will not be exposed and I will not join the Volturi." Aro watched me, weighing up his options. I continued, best get him while he's still considering and before the shield runs out. I could already feel my reserves start to drain.

"Like I said before, I will give my assistance to the Volturi if needed. If I have a spare moment I shall allow you to experiment with my power to quench your curiosity. But I have my own intentions and objectives to pursue." He was still considering. I released the force-field in a show of trust

"And if needed you can assign a 'chaperone' until you are convinced of my intentions and control." He nodded and looked around. His eyes set on Demitri and I cut in

"Preferably female, my celebrity guarantees paparazzi and I'd rather not have a conspiracy on my love life." His eyes turned to Jane. This would not do, I reached into my pool of consciousness again and selected another thread which hooked into a piece of Heidi's gift. Once absorbed I used my new suggestive thought to implant into Aro's head.

_Not Jane,_ I thought at him _the anger at her power not working will impede upon her judgement and give her a negative approach. Send Heidi, she will be a less biased judge, you trust her opinion._

His gaze switched to Heidi. I could, however, feel his reluctance at sending her so far away and for an undetermined period of time. He looked back at Jane. I inwardly sighed and tentatively sent a thought to Heidi; I didn't know if she would be receptive to thoughts that were not her own considering this was her power.

_Volunteer, The girl intrigues you, she has plans, she would be interesting to be around, Aro wants you to do this for him, he trusts your judgement, volunteer. _Her brow furrowed and she looked straight at me. I was filled with apprehension and if I was still human my heart would be beating a steady hole through my chest.

"I'll do it," she said suddenly. I was filled with relief. Aro looked at her with doubt. I knew he wouldn't like her being so far away from him but he trusted her judgement much more than the others.

"Are you sure?" he asked, an expression in his tone that wasn't used with anyone else including Jane. Heidi nodded and touched Aro's arm. I realised she was letting him know her thoughts.

He appraised her and she smiled, a private meaning passing between them. I was hit suddenly with the memory of secret meanings passed between myself and Edward. I felt a twinge in my chest at the sight and wished for Aro to leave already. I desperately sent a thought to him and he straightened

"Fine," he said "You will check in regularly and return home when a definite analysis has been reached." he gestured to the rest of the Volturi and turned to me.

"Thank you for your hospitality Bella, this visit has been very…instructive but I believe it is time for us to take out leave back to Italy." The Volturi nodded and I released the force-field around the room. Without another word the Volturi, minus Aro, vanished. Aro turned back to Heidi.

"You will be careful," he ordered softly.

She smiled "I'll be fine. I'm shadowing a vampire singer, there is no danger involved with this."

If only she knew.

Aro looked slightly appeased "Until next time," he said catching her lips with his own in a brief kiss. The contact ended shortly and he vanished but it still set a sharp pain in my insides.

It was slightly weird to see such an old looking man kiss someone in their mid-twenties but I guess the love between mates does not care for the boundary of age. Edward was a centaury older than me. But I guess it turned out that he didn't really consider a mortal as a mate possibility.

I was going to change that.

Heidi turned to me, the room around us silent. Her purple eyes gleamed and we stared each other down. I decided to break the ice first.

"Bella Suicide." I offered my hand. She stared at it then shook it

"Heidi, of the Volturi." she replied. The awkwardness was killing me; I needed to forge a bond with her.

"You need proof of my control around humans." I started, she looked at me wordlessly.

"I have access to the V.I.P section of every club in this city. What better place to test control than an area teeming with mortals excreting the stench of sweat and sex, blood pounding and hearts racing?"

She tilted her head in deliberation. I decided to appeal to her more Rosalie side. I know she wasn't like Rosalie, she was smarter and stronger but I still bet she had some of Rose's qualities and I was banking on this one.

"I also have a walk in wardrobe with four levels and a team of personal designers." She mirrored my smirk and I knew she was sold.

* * *

_Somewhere in the streets of Bristol _

"And how do we know where Bella Suicide is?" Rosalie asked as they walked through the streets of London.

"Because," Alice said leading them into a building "I read in some magazine that she keeps a penthouse apartment in Bristol." They'd walked into a flash apartment complex and Alice led them up to the main desk. The woman at the desk looked up as they approached.

"Hi." Alice said brightly. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Emmett sniggered.

"Welcome to the Belgravia complex. Do you have an invitation from one of the residents?" the woman asked politely.

Alice shook her head "Not exactly."

The woman frowned "Sorry, this is a private complex and without a personal invitation from one of the residents I can't grant you entry. Please leave the premises or security will escort your out."

"Didn't really think this out did you?" Rosalie said, too fast for the woman to hear. Alice scowled at her sister; Jasper sent over a wave of calm.

"Look, we need to speak to Bella Suicide-"

"You and the rest of Britain," the woman interrupted "But unless you've got an invitation you're not going to."

"Let's just go," Jasper said and added almost silently "We can just break into her apartment or run past the woman."

Alice shook her head "No, can you just put my name down or something? It's Alice Cullen."

The woman looked up sharply at that "What was the name again?"

"Alice Cullen." Alice repeated "Why? Do we have an invitation or something?" she asked slightly confused.

No one knew they were coming. Not even the rest of her family knew. The woman reached for an item under her desk

"As it so happens Miss Suicide is not currently in residence but she did leave this at reception for anyone with the last name Cullen or Hale." Alice took the small item in surprise. She held up the item to her husband and siblings, it was a small shiny pocket mirror.

"Vanity Fair." she read off the back. "Do any of you have any idea what that means?"

"It's a nightclub," the receptionist commented behind them "Really popular."

Jasper took it off his wife and examined it "There's an address," he said.

Emmett shrugged "Looks like we weren't unexpected after all."

* * *

_**And the plot thickens with an introductory to new character: Heidi. Yeah, I liked her better than Jane and I dunno, I guess when Carlisle said that the Volturi started off with three males who were joined by two females I thought that at least one of them should have been mates. And I love Aro so I chose him and Heidi. If you don't like it deal with it. Aro's kind of touchy feely so I thought that Heidi might get jealous and annoyed. Bella's power, I personally think it's something to do with power manipulation since she's not affected by certain powers as a human and would carry that trait to her vampire self. In New Moon it said when Bella saw the people the Volturi were about to eat that 'the story they'd been told to get them there didn't make sense anymore' I thought of Heidi as having suggestive thought. Like implanting thoughts in the mind to make it seem like you'd thought of it. That's basically my reasoning behind it, just so you know. **_

_**Putting feathers on a cow will not make it taste like chicken…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	5. Chapter 4 My Vanity Fair

**Disclaimer: I don't own the poem 'Colour Me Blood Red' . It is absolutely beautiful though!**

Chapter Four

Alice looked at herself on the Vanity Fair mirror for what seemed like the hundredth time in fourteen seconds.

"Careful there Alice, you might turn into Rosie if you look often enough." Emmett teased. He winced when his wife smacked him hard on the shoulder. Despite her size, Rosalie could hit pretty hard when she wanted to.

The fairy-like features disappeared from the reflective surface to be replaced by a pouting goddess as Rosalie took the mirrored business card to check her already perfect make-up – despite her objection to Emmett's comment.

"I didn't see this coming." Alice repeated to herself again "Jasper, why didn't I see this?"

Jasper looked up from staring at the ground in contemplation and touched Alice gently on the shoulder. "It's not you, there's something weird about Bella Suicide. Like how did she know that we would be coming?"

"Maybe she has the sight as well and cancels your sight out?" Emmett suggested.

"That was surprisingly unstupid coming from you." Alice smiled. Emmett swelled proudly then frowned in deliberation.

"She was insulting you." Rosalie told him, not taking her eyes from her reflection. Emmett growled at Alice and Jasper snarled in response.

Alice rolled her eyes at the two of them and then stole the mirror back despite Rose's complaints. "Vanity Fair, what kind of name is that?"

"Sounds an awful lot like Rosalie." Jasper commented idly. He clutched his arm in pain – Rose hit a lot harder if you weren't Emmett.

"Rosalie, stop hitting Jasper" Alice reproved "I'll have to give you a 'duffing up' – Isn't English slang fun?" She added cheerfully. Emmett and Jasper sniggered behind their hands at the thought of tiny Alice beating up anyone.

"Whatever." Rosalie stated boredly, examining one nail.

"We're here." Alice said suddenly. Two minutes later they heard the sounds of the club thumping gradually through their eardrums.

"Isn't this exciting?" Alice wanted to know "I haven't been to this club before. In fact, I haven't really gone out since B-…you know."

There was a terse silence.

"Just be glad that Edward isn't here." Rosalie snapped finally "Nobody's allowed to mention the B-word around him or he gets all dejected."

"Well what if you had to leave Emmett?" Alice demanded.

"I wouldn't." Rosalie replied simply. Emmett stopped and wrapped his wife up in a huge bear hug.

"Those boys can see up Rose's skirt," Jasper said looking at a passing group of teenagers "I can feel it," he gave a small shudder at the emotions passing through the guys bodies. Emmett dropped Rose immediately and growled at the offenders, they moved away quickly.

"Well pretty much anybody can see, as short as her skirt is." Alice remarked "It's more of a belt as anything."

"Alice, that saying is so twenty years ago." Rosalie said boredly before squeaking as Emmett gave a firm tug downwards on Rosalie's flashy silver miniskirt in an attempt at making it longer. Instead it almost dislodged it completely and managed to show a large quantity of lacy black thong.

Jasper blanched at the emotions he got from the males in the crowd lining up outside the club, even some females were looking appreciative.

Alice giggled behind her hand and stopped still again, looking into something only she could see. "We're supposed to go up to the bouncer." she informed them.

"Excellent." Emmett said, momentarily forgetting Rosalie's show of underwear, and knocked fists with Jasper. The blonde rolled her eyes and adjusting her skirt she strutted along up the line of people, ignoring their objections.

"Oh look, the blonde bitch thinks she's too good to stand in the line with the rest of us," a particularly loud girl commented as Rosalie walked arrogantly pass.

Rose paused and looked straight at her "Of course I think I'm better than you. The only possible thing I can think of that would be below you is a large pile of diseased shit…but then I look at your face and well…" She left the comment hanging, flicked her hair and continued, ignoring the girl's look of outrage. Alice laughed silently and glided behind her with Emmett and Jasper.

The bouncer, a large brawny man, eyes them as they walked up. Especially Emmett who's bulk rivalled his own. The quadrant weren't particularly intimidated; sure he was strong looking in mortal terms but any one of them could beat him in two seconds flat with both hands tied behind their backs.

"Back of the line. We don't do cuts here, no matter how 'famous' you _think_ you are." He gave a leering stare up Rosalie's body but his gaze transferred to Emmett's furious expression and he rethought his priority. "So, what I'm basically saying is that you're not getting in."

Rosalie looked bored "I hate mortals." she said under her breath, Emmett still looked pissed, Jasper also looked angry as he was hit by his brother's emotion. Alice sighed and adjusted her fedora hat, stepping forwards.

"Hi, my name's Alice Cullen." she mimicked her speech in her vision perfectly "I believe you were expecting us."

The bouncer frowned at her but stepped aside "VIP room's up the stairs," he grunted unhappily and resumed his position in front of the door once they passed.

Nearly one hundred Cullen's appeared into the club. The entire place was filled with mirrors placed strategically, on the wall, the floor, the ceiling, everywhere to create the illusion of there being millions of people inside.

Half the dancers were wearing some sort of mirrored outfits themselves which the coloured lights ahead flashed off and made a rainbow of colours sparkling around the dance floor.

Acrobatic dancers tumbled around the ceiling from the thick silver drapes hanging; they twisted themselves into complicated shapes, spun and flew through the air at each other with fingers barely holding them from their deaths.

Alice gasped in happiness, Emmett grinned, Jasper beamed from the positive emotions flung around and even Rosalie managed a smile. Vanity Fair was…dazzling.

Alice pulled them through the crowd of dancers; each had fed well before coming so the thirst wasn't as compelling, and up a glowing staircase that spiraled up into the top of the club.

They repeated their names once again and were immediately let into the VIP room, a circular fenced in platform that hung from chains above the club. They could look over the entire of Vanity Fair from here, including a top view of the stage just below.

Only a few people were up here, most congregating around the bar. That made the single woman stand out even more than her strange white skin. She was draped over a throne-like chair and her gaze transferred to the four immediately as they entered.

Alice knew her as soon as they locked eyes. Jasper frowned at the arrogant amusement coming from here, Rosalie raised one perfect eyebrow and Emmett summed it up in one exclamation "Well shit fire and save matches, I'd damn well know her in a line-up."

They surrounded the woman in a circle, much like the Volturi did earlier. The woman smirked at them, her distinctive purple eyes gleaming.

"Heidi!" Alice said "What are you doing here?"

Heidi swirled her suspiciously red martini around in her glass before answering "Enjoying the clubbing scene."

"To steal a term from my husband; Bullshit!" Rosalie snapped.

Emmett nodded proudly "That's my girl."

Heidi laughed coldly "Such class Rosalie, but you do not need to spare such expressions on myself."

Jasper spoke up "Where is Bella Suicide. There's a reason for you being here and I know you know where she is, I can sense your glee from here."

"Ah Jasper, such a gift would be much appreciated by my Aro."

"Don't change the subject." Alice warned "Tell us where she is."

A bubble of laugher erupted in Heidi's throat "She's where everyone can see her. Look with your ears as opposed to your eyes if you are so obviously blind." she mocked pointed downwards.

"What-" Emmett stared to ask but his attention was caught by the stage musicians staring a new song, a harsh beat that drowned out all other sounds and even the dancers halted and looked towards the stage. They moved to the edge of the platform for a better look and Heidi joined them, sipping her cocktail and smirking.

The stage was complete darkness, the strange music echoing from within it. A smashing drum beat and screeching electric guitar, tinkering bells and soothing violins, a clap of thunderous bass made most of the mortals jump and a steady melody started from a piano somewhere.

The piano tune struck a chord within Alice but she couldn't quite remember why it seemed so familiar.

The lights started playing up, flickering to show glimpses of the musicians positioned around a lone microphone stand. The flickering became more often, flashing like lightning while the eerie music still rumbled from the stage.

Rose petals, blood red started drifting down from above, the mirrors echoing the image to expand around in every direction. Still no one made a sound. The flickering lights around the performers on stage became faster as did their music, turning into a torrid flood of blurred sounds.

Then they stopped. Dead, cold, the last notes still shaking in the air and the stage was black once more. No one moved, the club so full of life before became still and the vibrant dancers looked like statues. A voice, starting low and clear drifted over the crowd.

"_The moon sets its blade upon my head_

_Lighting the depths of my empty soul_

_I am not alive, neither am I dead_

_Inside my mind's castle hollow bells toll…"_

The Cullen's were enthralled and Heidi raised one eyebrow as the voice shifted into a chilling hiss that sent shivers down spines.

"_But when the wind blows its howling horn_

_among the void you will be reborn."_

A screech of cackling laughter and the stage lit up in a bright white light, the humans below shielded their eyes. Once the spots in their eyes disappeared, everyone could see the figure in front of the microphone. One hand was wrapped firmly around the stand while the other caressed the microphone almost with a loving movement.

She was dressed in and outfit made of some sort of light refracting black material that clung in spider-web pieces around her otherwise nude body.

It somehow, however, managed to cover up the most sinful areas leaving the after effect as one of sultry poise and taunting anonymity as opposed to brazenness.

Shockingly scarlet platforms with a stiletto heel elevated her height greatly. Her hair was wild, a disarray of pink and black with a diamond tiara shining against the dark. The final trait was the black veil; it fell gently from the tiara to her nose, effectively masking her in a shadow.

The image was burned into every single one of their minds, a lady of darkness.

Admit the whisper's that broke out in the club crowd a single name was uttered, louder and louder until it became a cheer, a roar and a chant…

Bella Suicide.

­­­­­­

_Before…_

I explained my plan carefully and specifically to Heidi. Only the parts I wanted her to know, there were some I'd rather she didn't.

After I finished she sat and stared at me for an age before breaking down in laughter. "You are not serious about this are you?"

I raised an eyebrow "Dead serious, excuse the pun."

"But this is all so…precise. Surely there is an easier way?"

"Perhaps. But this is the way I've chosen. Another way could have mistakes, people changing, peoples reactions. My way and I have every single thing worked out; I've studied people, places, everything you could think of. This may not be the easiest way or the way that makes the most sense but it is ideal to me and it is the one I have chosen."

She gave another snort of laughter "One thing my Aro was right about; you have cunning and intelligence, a most unpredictable combination. And you put it to such strange use, why?" She asked curiously.

I replied cryptically "The force that drives me is the most extraordinary ever. You understand this?"

"Yes." There was a yearning beneath her voice.

"Why do you put up with Aro's behaviour?" It was mine turn to question.

She looked at me sharply and I tensed slightly, it wasn't a good idea to question any vampire about her mate but I wanted her to open up to me. I knew the answer to my own question, I just needed a show of trust before we moved on.

She opened her mouth slowly; contemplating her words "I…" she thought again "I do not really know, I've grown used to it."

Liar, you'd never grow used to your mate flirting and touching every female in his vicinity. Especially if you were a vampire.

"That's an interesting answer, now the truth if you please."

She looked startled, she was a good liar, every vampire was, but I'd grown immune to lies. I wanted a demonstration of faith and I needed to get her to answer a personal question to do it.

To vampires, anything about their relationship with their mate is personal. A line that one did not cross, but I crossed it willingly. I would not blame her if she attacked me but I hoped she wouldn't.

This was as much a test for her as it was for me. She started to rethink her answer and I held up a hand "Don't think about it. Just say it."

"Love. That is the reason, I put up with him and his women. It burns me every time he caresses Jane instead of me but I know he will always come back to me. He does love me." She said that a little defensively as if I wouldn't believe her.

"I wouldn't doubt it." I said to ease her mind a little "I can see when two people are bonded."

"I did object, once upon a time, when I was a young, insecure and incompetent vampire. When we first met I said it was me or the woman and he said that I could learn to live with it or I couldn't. I could not, would not loose him."

He used a threat when she was young which was carried with her where it fermented and grew into a great fear that if she objected he would leave her. Aro of the Volturi is incredibly skilled at manipulation, even his own mate.

This of course could be fun to break his hold, Heidi would be much better off and it would be revenge for him threatening me. My mind had been made up long before this; this was one of the many possibilities that arose when I chose that particular question about her mate to break her guarded shell against me.

It was time to tell Heidi the truth about her mate.

"Heidi," I began "Dear one, can you not see? He deceived you into believing that if you did not allow him free reign of your connection to each other he would leave. He neglected to tell that it is near impossible to leave ones mate. He would be no more able to do it then you would. He used your shared terror against you though it is the same for him. True he loves you; he would not survive without you. Try using his threat against him; it is time for you to call the shots."

Heidi appraised me; this was the tricky part; if she decided to take another vampire's advice on matters of her own mate especially since I basically called him a liar or if she did as any other vampire would do; kill me.

Heidi was patient tempered, much more than the average vampire. She'd had years of practice to repress her emotions and think before she acted, this was one of the reasons I chose her.

"Bella may I ask you a question?" she changed the subject finally. I nearly smile in pleasure, she would be thinking about it. She could withhold the natural instinct to rip me to shreds.

Good girl.

This was a dangerous game I was playing with her, and not just her. Playing my music on people's emotions was a bomb ready to explode, one wrong step and it would all blow up in my face.

"You may." I responded to Heidi's request.

"Why did you want me here?" she asked bluntly.

I tilted my head playfully "Aro chose you to come." I replied.

"Do not take me for a fool. I know your power and I know mine, 'The girl intrigues you, she would be interesting to be around' these are not thoughts of my own. You implanted them to get me. You also did it for Aro; he would never want me to be so far away in any other case. You planned to get me here, why?"

Clever girl. This was turning out to be a fine investment, she was quick.

"True I used your power to implant thoughts. The reason? I wanted you, 'The girl intrigues you, she would be interesting to be around', these are not your thoughts. They are mine; you interested me far more than any of the others. You were the most logical choice after all, like I said; my reputation means that there would be conspiracies if I appeared with either Fabian or Dimitri, I can't have that dues to the plan as you know. Jane and I would never get on; her judgement would be impeded by her anger at her power not working against me and then my slighting her by putting up a force field when she attacked me. I obviously could not have Aro so that left you."

"That is not true. Your reasoning is rational but it does not explain why you recommended the idea of a companion in the first place. You brought the idea up and I have no doubt in my mind that it was for your 'plan'."

She was getting smarter by the minute. I would not underestimate her as so many before must have done. Their downfall paved way for my success. I decided to be as honest as I could, which wasn't that much.

"Heidi, frankly, I needed a companion. I chose you. This plan of mine can not be pulled off by myself."

"Why did you choose me?" Her eyes were very curious.

"You intrigue me." I said simply.

She asked no more questions.

We continued to Vanity Fair. I absolutely love that club. It has a mixture of brightness and mystery with a whole heap of arrogance.

You could see the same person fifteen times at once. It reminded me of the house of mirrors Charlie took me to once when I was a child. I can see from all angles, I feel safe being surrounded but alone at the same time.

Plus the whole thing about vampires not having reflections makes me laugh. I steered Heidi past the long line to get in.

Someone yelled out "Hey! No cutting!"

Another whispered "Shut up, do you know who that is?"

Then there were excited whispers, cheers and they were all yelling to get my attention. A barrage of hands reached out to touch me; I gracefully dodged them all and approached the bouncer who immediately stepped aside upon seeing who I was.

"Miss Suicide, the VIP room is up the stairs. They'll let you in right away," he said cordially.

"Thank you." I replied just as polite. Heidi walked in, I paused and whispered instructions in the bouncer's ear.

"I'll see it done mam." he nodded. I smile; he looked as dazzled as I once was,

"Thank you."

"A-anytime," he stuttered as I entered the club after Heidi.

Heidi raised an eyebrow at the overall extravagance of the place "I like it," she said after a long pause in which she took everything in.

"I knew you would." I commented offhandedly and lead the way through a less crowded part, dodging contact with all the humans.

I ordered two martini's at the bar and tossed the contents over the side, refilling them with a sample of blood. This was a perfect time to test out the effects of blood drunk not from a human on someone who did hunt mortals. Heidi was a perfect candidate.

She stared at me when I passed her the blood cocktail. "What is this supposed to be?" She wondered, taking it and holding the glass to the light.

"Blood, you can't hunt here. And I want to see how you react." She shrugged and sipped, sloshing it round her mouth like you would a glass of vintage wine. Finally she swallowed. "It is…strange to say the least. But not bad." She took another sip.

I smiled satisfied and drained my own glass. I explained to Heidi what exactly she was to do when the Cullen's arrived.

Heidi laughed "You are too funny. But I will comply. After all, I am your 'accomplice' in this scheme."

I smirked and let loose a chiming laugh that immediately caught the attention of the club owner.

"Bella Suicide," he guffawed loudly "Imagine my luck to have you in my club."

Luck has nothing to do with it. I'm in your club because I want to be.

But I smiled charmingly "Bob, how are you?"

I'm on first name terms with the owner of Vanity Fair. I've seen him before; he's never seen me in person however. Each time I've been here it's not been as Bella Suicide, rather an unseen clubber.

Bob is a stereotypical large Texan in a white suit except he's actually English.

Need I say more?

"You know my name." he said more to himself then me.

"You are the owner of the hottest nightclub in Bristol," I reminded him. That got back some of his pride

"You flatter me Bella," Apparently If I'm on first name terms then so is he. "I just took a piece of shit and turned it into a diamond."

Heidi snorted in the background, Bob's attention turned to her and by his leering gaze I could tell he liked what he saw.

"Bob, this is my friend Heidi. Heidi, this is Bob."

"The owner of the nightclub, I know." Heidi said, her accent sounding sultry. I could see the sweat form on Bob's head. That's one of the disadvantages of being a vampire; you are privy to disgusting sights like that all the time.

"Impressive," Heidi purred, her tongue running over the rim of the glass to catch any spare drops.

Bob's eyes followed it entranced "What you drinking there little lady?"

"Bloody Mary," Heidi replied, mirth in her violet eyes.

I appreciated her humor.

"Heidi, make the suggestion." I said, speaking too fast for Bob to pick up.

She smiled and her eyes lingered on Bob for a second before returning to me. A flick of a wink and I knew we were go.

"Hey" Bob said as if the thought were just occurring to him "Miss Suicide, I don't want to hamper down on your night or anything but you want to perform just one song for us? It'll sure be a hit in this place."

"Well..." I said in a considering tone of voice, milking it for what it was worth "I'd love to."

_**There we are; one chapter further to the much anticipated Cullen meets Suicide reunion. Only they don't know who Bella Suicide is. Or do they… Did anyone get what melody it was when the piano melody sounded familiar to Alice? Guess! Anyways, we've revealed a little more of that 'plan' (I have GOT to find a better name for that instead of calling it 'the plan' all the time) and Heidi has become the partner in crime with Bella. Bella's song is part of this gorgeous poem I found about a vampire. It fitted well as song lyrics. I've also tried my hand at writing her a song of my own. I'll have that up at some point. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Some whispers made the loudest noise…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	6. Chapter 5 Convincing The Cullens

_Chapter Five_

If someone told me, seventeen years ago, that I would one day be up on a stage singing for an entire club full of cheering people I would have replied that I wouldn't even be able to walk across the stage without tripping.

The Isabella Marie Swan I was seventeen years ago is a whole other world away from the Bella Amaranth Suicide I am now. I chose the name Amaranth during one of my serene melodious periods. It means immortal; unfading, fitting I suppose.

New name, new look, new personality, new diet, new…life. I use that word sparingly since technically vampires are deceased beings, the 'walking dead' as some put it.

My voice rises and falls perfectly in tune with the music. I sing as no mortal can sing, even the new sensation in this time Zeneca Pop, whose voice is by far the best mortal one I have ever heard, pales in comparison.

I have met Zeneca a few times in the rare times I feel the need to put in an appearance at one of the elite parties. She's perfectly nice girl, with vivid red hair reminiscent of my sire, but rather senseless – even by human standards. Plus an unusual scent of pink bubblegum, though as she seems to live off the stuff I don't suppose I am that surprised.

A barrage of different scents flow to me from the humans throughout the room; the heat and excitement of my music causing an overload in there senses and making their bodies put out more of the attracting smells than usual.

It smells…appetising to say the least.

An attractive blend of floral, fruits, and spices, the clear outside air, a lemony smell of foliage and dirt and the musky stench of sex spirals through the air and invades my senses.

My mouth waters, not with saliva but with the venom dripping from my teeth. I swallowed it roughly and reminded myself that was what I had chosen. This place was vital to the scheme, for the Volturi to see that I could control myself and my chance to meet the Cullen's once more.

I ruthlessly reminded myself of the faces of these people, their lives, their families, and their love. Slowly the hunger receded as the little part of my humanity carried from my life as Bella Swan pushed it back.

I glowed with triumphant and threw back my head just in time to belt out the final of my song.

"_And when I feel your life in my veins,_

_The shattered sun will shed its bloody tear, _

_Entangled by the endless beginning's chains…" _

My voice lowered as the music slowed and I sung soft and fragile, the wings of a butterfly coming out in my voice.

"_I'll silently whisper into your ear, _

_That as I was once lifeless and torn…" _

The music drew to a close and the lights dimmed to a single blood red spotlight turning around in the middle of the stage, catching glimpses of me. The rose petals blew around to litter the stage around me and complete silence reigned. The crowd had stopped dancing and were watching me with revered awe.

I drew my hand up above my head, a gesture of elegance that drew the eye of every occupant in the club. I look up to see the Cullen's watching me intently, Heidi smirked and raised her glass to me in a toast while Bob had a glazed look on his face while calculating how much his club would go up in popularity after this.

My hand drifted slowly down with the grace of a petal and I sung the last line with the same slow beauty.

"_Within you in darkness I will be reborn._"

The lights went out and the crowd started to scream and cheer.

I smirked and leapt up unseen to the VIP level. I landed without a sound in the middle, behind the occupants who were all gathered round the edge with a view of the stage.

The lights went back on again and a sigh of disappointment rose up from the crowd when the stage proved to be empty once more. Then a new single of Zeneca Pop's came on and the crowd eventually started dancing again though a few still cast dazed looks at the stage as if they were not sure if it was a dream or not.

Heidi noticed me first, I wasn't sure if it was due to her skills or that she knew beforehand. She turned around gracefully and walked towards me, arms held out with one hand still holding her martini glass.

"That was magnifico (**Magnificent**) Bella Suicide." She kissed me on both cheeks "And your friends were suitably impressed," she added almost silently so only I heard.

"Thank you Heidi." I said cordially and then added silently "Time to play." She shared my smirk and we turned simultaneously to view the four Cullen's standing, or posing rather, against the wall.

They looked like they were part of a movie, even with the other glittering occupants of the VIP room. They had an inner poise that most celebrity types didn't get without five hours in the make-up room, and even then the Cullen's would best them.

Mortals couldn't compare to vampire perfection. No matter how many hours spend with professional make-up artists, no matter how much spray-on foundation and plastic surgery. We won every time.

I slowly ran my gaze over them, savouring their familiar images. They hadn't changed one bit in the seventeen years we had been parted.

Emmett still stood above the rest, his heavily muscled frame differing with the friendly grin plastered on his face – though I could still see wariness in his golden eyes. His arm was wrapped around the slim waist of Rosalie, and yes, I even missed her.

Her beauty was still more striking than the others, just like Heidi, and her blonde hair gently curled down her back. She was looking at me with the same curiosity that Heidi occasionally had painted on her face. I felt a sense of warmth in my frozen body at the absence of hatred in her eyes.

Though I didn't understand her loathing when I was human I understood it now that I dwelled upon it throughout the years; she felt threatened. Living with humans was risky and she didn't like that I could crumble the entire façade that the Cullen's had created in Forks.

She was only trying to protect her family and I resolved long ago that I would not hold it against her; I hoped that this time we would be able to be friends.

My eyes shifted to the next blonde hair, Jasper. A particular memory of me escaping him in the airport by going through the woman's bathroom invaded my mind and the sides of my mouth twitched. He looked at me with curiosity and I knew he could feel my laughter.

I cut off the link of his empathetic feelings to me as I turned to the final Cullen. I ignored his eyes widening and the frown that came over his features in favour of relishing the first glimpse of the girl I could call my best friend.

Alice; her pixie like features were alight with a new discovery, although I could see the uncertainty that was in all their eyes. She was confused about my cutting her visions of me off. I allowed her to have the ones that I needed her to have, such as how to get into the VIP room.

I suppose some might call it immoral that I was holding another's power under my will but I call it a necessity.

Her short dark hair fell in spikes around her oval face. I was hit by another wave of longing, I wanted to run to her and throw my hands around her, to smell her beautiful scent again and feel safe.

I resisted the urge, barely, and instead smiled a smile that gave no heed to the mountain of feelings bubbling up inside of me. This, of course, was the reason that I cut off my link to Jasper. I couldn't risk raising his suspicions at the wave of emotions I felt at sight of his wife. Longing, love, happiness, he would think that I wanted Alice for myself. I almost had to stifle a giggle at that and stepped forwards.

"Good evening." I said politely, holding out my hand. Emmett immediately stepped forwards to shake it; the manners that were drilled in him from his human years would not allow him to ignore a lady's greeting. His hand dwarfed my slight one, both a ghostly shade of pale. I noted that I didn't notice the strength and coldness of his grip anymore, not now that mine was the same.

"Hello there little lady." he said, his southern accent still as prominent as ever "I'm Emmett Cullen."

"Bella Suicide." I replied "Though of course you already knew that or you wouldn't be here." I turned to the others.

Alice, of course, stepped forwards next and gave me a dainty hug which I returned, carefully reigning in the urge to squeeze her tight. "Alice." she introduced herself.

"Hello Alice." I replied.

"This is my husband Jasper." she waved a hand towards Jasper who stepped forwards. I subdued another squeal of glee at the fact that he wasn't avoiding me like the plague because I was human. I was just another vampire and he could trust himself around me.

"Hello Jasper." I said and extended my hand to him. Another spike of delight shot through my body as he unhesitatingly took my hand and shook it. This would be my second time around to be friends with him as well.

Finally my eyes turned to Rosalie, whose perfect face was still holding the curious look.

"Hello." I said cautiously. Our being friends was totally based on fact; she could have hated me for a completely different reason. Another pleasant wave of affection came over me as she hesitated then smiled warmly.

"Rosalie Hale" she shook my hand as opposed to hugging but I guess that was just Rosalie "Emmett's wife." she added with an affectionate glance at her husband.

"Bella Suicide." I replied "Heidi's friend." I added with a glance to the Volturi queen. She snorted delicately into her martini glass.

A silence fell upon us, not an awkward one but a friendly comfortable one. We all stood smiling at each other except for Heidi who was rolling her violet eyes slightly behind us. She didn't interrupt, however, being all too aware of how much I wanted this.

"Shall we?" I gestured with a sweeping hand to the small circle of couches that they had occupied previous to my show. I sat with Heidi on my left and the rest of the Cullen's spread out in front of me.

A pleasant radiance of peace and calm came over us as we smiled at each other without saying a thing. I knew we had Jasper to thank for that, I shot him an extra smile. Heidi prodded one tapered finger into my thigh.

"Do you know Heidi?" I started the small talk.

Alice nodded. "We've had…'encounters' before." The look she wore suggested that these encounters were much like the ones I previously had with the Volturi.

Aro sure had a problem with taking 'no' for an answer.

I gave a sly sidelong gaze of Heidi who remained impassive apart from a barely noticeable curve of her lips. I tsked at her mockingly "Heidi, you never informed me of this."

She didn't take her eyes off the four vampires in front of us "You never asked."

I gave a faux impatient sigh "It was not on my list of questions to ask when we met; 'have you ever met the Cullen's?' It never occurred to me."

Of course it had. Heidi knew this as well as I did. Judging by how the curve of her lips increased I could see that she was enjoying this little pseudo barter.

"My mistake." she replied silkily "I should have mentioned it when you informed me that we were going to meet them."

Ding-ding-ding! I found myself the object of four pairs of golden gazes.

"You knew we were going to be here?" Jasper enquired, slightly chillier than he greeted me.

"I did leave the Vanity Fair card did I not?" I answered lightly.

"How did you know?" This was Alice "I didn't see it."

"I know."

A frown brushed across her face "Come again?"

"I know that you didn't see this coming." I repeated.

Recognition flashed in her eyes "You, you blocked my sight!" Their gazes turned hostile.

"I didn't want to ruin the surprise." I continued in that same serene voice.

"What surprise?" Emmett growled.

I gave a glance towards Heidi and held my hands up, gesturing to myself "Surprise!"

This was getting far too fun.

Their reactions were as expected; glares all around with Heidi badly concealing her own mirth.

"Oh come on." I pouted "Who wouldn't be happy with their very own rock star?"

"Explain now." Jasper said firmly. His annoyance was clear and the Cullen's were beginning to get edgy, even Heidi was starting to look pissed off. I put a damper on his power and the mood lightened. His eyes switched to me immediately "What did you just do?" he demanded.

I smiled sweetly "I constrained the emotions that you were putting out. Everyone was looking a bit aggravated and Heidi, as Volturi, can't have one of you ripping my head off and exposing our kind."

Jasper quietened in thought, Rosalie looked vaguely interested, Alice had comprehension dawning on her face and Emmett just looked confused.

"I'm sure you all know what she's talking about." he directed this at him family "But I'm going to need some plain English here."

Jasper muttered something that sounded like "You can take the boy out of the south but you can't take the south out of the boy."

"She means that she can control Jasper's empathy." Rosalie translated for her husband "I presume that it works for other powers as well?" she directed this to me.

"So that's why I couldn't see this..." Alice said to no one in particular "My sight was being impeded."

"Correct." I said happily.

"Why?" Emmett asked me.

Even though he now knew what was going on, loosely, he still didn't understand. I was banking on that to start up the next flow of conversation – though if someone hadn't asked I still would have found a way to move us along. We were on a schedule after all.

"I'm so glad you asked." I started, I got the other Cullen's attention "I got you here today because…" I trailed off for more realism

"…well, I find you…fascinating. I finished abruptly.

"Fascinating?" Rose repeated.

"It means interesting." Emmet informed his wife fondly.

Rosalie punched him in the side of the head "I know what it mean idiot. she hissed.

I gazed at them intently, I didn't even realise how much I missed this family. Heidi's finger poked subtly into my thigh and I jerked out of my daze to find all four Cullen's staring at me.

I knew that if I were still human I would be blushing right now. It's times like this that I'm glad that I don't have blood of my own.

"Sorry, just thinking." I apologised, inwardly kicking myself.

"It's fine." Alice smiled at me hesitantly.

I smiled back and continued "You are vampires who have revoked all their basic instincts and still interact with humans; of course you are intriguing to me. In a way we are similar."

"Similar?" Rosalie tilted her head "In what way?"

Heidi spoke up, "She doesn't eat humans either."

Instantly all golden eyes went to my eyes, or more specifically my irises "Your eyes tell differently." Jasper commented.

I smirked, showing my teeth "I don't drink from humans. But I do drink blood." I gestured a hand to Heidi and her purposely slowly drunk martini.

"How do you take the blood?" Alice asked.

"Blood donors." I replied "We are the same; I am just the link between your kind and our kind. That is the reason why I am so interested by you, why I wanted to meet you; to compare our tastes."

"Kind of an elaborate plan just to meet us." Alice said suspiciously.

I laughed, as did Heidi. They had no idea how elaborate my plan was.

"Heidi tells me as such all the time."

Subtly I hooked a tendril of my power around Jaspers and released an aura of calm. The atmosphere became far more relaxed. A flick of the eye towards Heidi and Alice made a suggestion.

"If you're so interested in studying us then you should come visit," she said with her usual enthusiasm. "You can meet our parents Esme and Carlisle and our other brother Edward. I know Carlisle would love to study your ways too."

Her siblings looked at her, considering it with private looks between each other.

I looked at Heidi again pointedly "I'd love to go meet Bob again." she drawled with a hint of disgust at the thought of the club owner.

"Excuse us." I said and guided her away. "Good girl." I whispered in her ear before calling Bob over.

"This better be worth it Suicide." she growled back before plastering an arrogant smirk on her face. She was much better than any Hollywood type, though given that hers actually had aristocratic ties I'm not really surprised.

"Ladies." Bob greeted, an acrid smelling cigar firmly planted between two sausage-like fingers.

"I wouldn't eat him." Heidi said, her mouth moving too fast for Bob's ears "Far too fattening." I laughed coldly and turned to Bob.

"Missing the joke?" he grinned. I gave a grimace of a smile. I wouldn't eat him either, even if I did eat humans.

"Hey listen." he turned serious "I just want to thank you for your performance." he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, I inwardly winced at the sound of his fingernails against his sculpt. I absolutely abhor that habit in humans.

"It was my pleasure, really." I assured him cordially "I love performing, I wouldn't do what I did otherwise."

I knew the quote would make it into the papers the next day. I trusted Bob a lot less farther than I could throw him.

I kept an eye on the Cullen's discussion whilst pretending to be absorbed in this conversation. I allowed Heidi to take the reins with Bob while I put in a comment every now and then. A fact for which I'm sure she will lay into me later.

They were speaking in tones too soft for even my hearing to pickup but I had, by then, flourished in the long forgotten art of lip-reading.

I looked at Jasper out of the corner of my eye "…I don't trust her. There's something, not quite right about her. Like she knows something that we don't."

"She probably knows a lot of stuff that we don't know." Rosalie replied "You can't expect her to be forthcoming about her entire history when we've known her for barely a half-hour."

"You can't expect us to invite her to stay at our house when we've known her for barely a half-hour." Jasper retorted, casting an unhappy look at his mate.

Alice looked to the floor "I'm sorry, it just popped into my head."

Jasper looked suspicious at that. I delicately veiled them in more calm and trust on them.

Jasper sighed "Its fine, I do wish you asked us first, but it's fine."

Alice perked up visibly "Really?" He smiled softly and stroked a hand through her hair.

"Well, I like her." Emmett announced.

"As do I." Rosalie leaned against Emmett.

"Me three." Alice said.

They all looked expectantly at Jasper who looked resigned "Fine, but I'm still keeping one eye on her." Alice grinned and hugged him.

I turned back to Heidi who wasn't even trying to look interested in what Bob was saying about strobe lighting. "We're in business."

* * *

_**And thus we have our first encounter with the Cullen's. I think I got their characters correct but I don't really know. What do you think? Sorry for taking so long but my little brother has been on the computer most of the week and I couldn't get to finish writing for ages. Plus some family crap going on. Ugh. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you next time**_

_**Procrastination is suicide on the instalment plan…**_

_**Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	7. Chapter 6 Meeting The Others

**Rawr! I'm back. I was experimenting with microsoft paint and eye colour and managed to turn the picture of Bella in my profile's eyes RED! Whoot, so check that out. (Shameless advertising)**

**And okay people, please don't leave little notes telling me to update. I have three other fics as well as school and social time. My life does not revolve around writing fanfiction and sometimes the shit in my life gets too much and I don't feel like writing. So don't do that please. Thanks! Anyways, here's the next chapter in which we meet a much awaited character…**_**Carlisle**__**! Joke! **_

'**Redeemer' by "Bella Suicide" is actually by Marilyn Manson. It's from a great movie I watched for the first time on the weekend called 'Queen of the Damned' it's is about…a vampire rock star! Go figure. I was pissing my friend off by going "I've written a fanfic about that…I put that in my fanfic…etc" Weird. **

* * *

Chapter Six

I don't remember much about my life as Isabella Swan.

Well I know my life; I don't remember living it though. It's like I was told the tale of Bella Swan, the foolish girl who fell for a man much above her station. Sounds kind of like a romance novel.

I was told the story, I know the story but it's still a story. I know that I moved to Forks and I know the emotion I felt but I don't remember _how_ it felt.

I know I had a father, Charlie, and a mother, Renee, and a step-father, Phil. I know I loved them but I can't remember how it felt. As hard as I try, I can only muster up a weak imitation, a lingering taste that I can never quite grasp onto.

It's excruciating.

Carlisle once said to me that for a vampire, the turning is often the only point of their previous life that the vampire can remember. I do not know if it was because I had known previously about vampires or because I was a young vampire that I remembered so much about the life of Bella Swan.

One memory carried with me and I could experience the exact emotions I felt; lying in the flawlessly symmetrical meadow. I could close my eyes and summon that scene in my mind and I would be flooded with an overload of the feelings denied to vampires. Our emotions are less raw and more refined once we turn.

Occasionally, when I was particularly feeling the harshness of loss, I would close my eyes and go into a trance, similar to human sleep, where I would just bask in that memory and that emotion for hours on end. My own private dreamland.

I resisted the urge to escape to my utopia as I smoothly drove the silvery black Ferrari F430, considered a retro vehicle in this year, behind Alice's conspicuously bright gold Lamborghini.

In truth, I was terrified of this, of meeting him again. I've worked up to this for seventeen long years and now I didn't know if I could continue.

A treasonous part of my mind commented that I could turn this car into a U-turn right now and leave in the other direction. I was certain I would be able to outrun the Cullen's.

But to leave them behind? To exist the rest of eternity in solitude? If all goes to plan I would never be alone. I quashed the thought with vengeance.

I would not run.

"Well that is good to know." Heidi commented beside me "I'd hate to think for all your planning to be for nothing." I hadn't even realised that I'd spoken aloud.

"I'm not running." I repeated.

"Certo." (**Certainly**) Heidi replied absently.

"I'm not." I defended.

"You are thinking about it," she replied. She leant forwards and fiddled with my radio "Perhaps some nice music will ease your mind."

The bubbly music of Zeneca Pop's latest single filled the car, Heidi's hand flashed out and slammed on the tuning button before the pop star could even sing a single note. I gave a small chuckle.

"That's was _excruciating._" Heidi hissed.

I chuckled "It is top of the charts at the moment."

"Humans have no taste," she said decidedly "Promise me you will never conform to this…this…_racket._"

I mimicked Zeneca's chirpy voice perfectly and sung the first line of the song "_I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot._"

(A/n Yes, I stole that off 'Bring it on' but it's certainly bubbly enough)

Heidi glared at me while her fingers blurred through the channels, stopping on a rock station where a vaguely familiar song was playing it's final chords.

Then the radio DJ's voice came on, identical to every other DJ "That was 'Penetrate' by 'Godhead' and next up we have a song by the scene queen of rock, who just appeared in her first interview on the Katie O'Donnell show, we'll play that for you later, here is 'Redeemer' by Bella Suicide!"

"Here is some good music," Heidi said innocently. It was my turn to glare at her as my own music flooded into my ears. Heidi changed her voice to imitate my own as she sang,

"_The hunger inside given to me makes me what I am_

_Always it is calling me, for the blood of man_

_They say I cannot be this _

_I am jaded_

_Hiding from the day_

_I can't bear I cannot tame the hunger in me._"

It sounded eerie, my voice coming at me from two sources. Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I sung with her,

"_Oh_

_I say I did and always searching_

_you can't fuck with fate_

_So, instead you'll taste my pain._"

I knew the Cullen's could hear us ahead so I sped up to glide alongside them.

Alice had anticipated me and pre-tuned her radio to the same station. Her windows were rolled down and she leant out of it, as we flanked them, to sing loudly with us.

Jasper, in the driver's seat, rolled his eyes and Emmett and Rosalie were too busy making out in the back to pay any attention to us.

"_The hunger inside given to me makes me feel alive_

_Always out stalking prey_

_In the dark I hide  
Feeling, Falling, Hating, Feel like, I am fading, hating LIFE!_"

The music thundered out at a deafening level from our combined stereos.

Heidi was right; the music _did _take my mind of the impending meeting. I laughed as Alice demonstrated her head-bashing techniques, her short black hair flicking around her white face. The stark contrast was striking and even without his empathy I could feel Jaspers desire.

I stopped singing with a sigh and stared blindly out Heidi's window at the passing foliage. I'd spoken too soon. I tried not to dwell upon his, his beautiful bronze hair and milky marble skin. His golden eyes made me burn with desire. I was sure if I could still blush I would be mistaken for a tomato.

My song finally began its descent;

"_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me._"

Of course it was. It had been haunting me for seventeen years.

"Yeah!" Alice yelled out enthusiastically before she was brutally kissed by Jasper, who obviously couldn't hold onto his craving any longer. I turned the radio down as the next song began playing.

"Is it unworthy of your attention because it's not sung by Bella Suicide?" Heidi teased.

"No, I just have a headache" I corrected feebly.

Heidi gave a delicate snort. "Nonsense, we don't get headaches. It's no use lying to me about that; I've been one for many more millennia's then you." She was right, of course.

"Since you know all, there is no point in informing you of my dilemmas." I replied, perhaps a bit snappier than I intended.

Heidi ignored my tone "Of course I know," she said in a cavalier fashion "And if you are too dense to know the outcome of this yourself then you should direct your delightful thieving talents towards the smallest Cullen and her gift for prediction."

"No." I said resolutely.

Heidi shrugged "Suit yourself," she leant over to the back of my car. "What is the access code to your blood bank? I'm hungry."

"You ate at the club" I reminded her.

"I eat on a regular basis," she defended "I'm not like mortals and their idiotic diets. Imagine starving yourself to be thin."

"They, unlike us, put on fat when they eat." I said.

"I'm still famished." Heidi said resolutely, ignoring my words. I sighed and rattled off the painfully long code. "My thanks," she slid back into her seat and tossed me one of the packets she had emerged with.

I looked at the label; 36 year old Hispanic male, AB. I could almost taste the Samosa's as the warm liquid slid down my throat. Heidi hummed happily as she slurped on a 19 year old French girl's B-positive blood.

"This way you have with eating is extraordinary," she commented, tossing the empty packet out the window.

I had a mental image of some mortal finding the drained sachet of blood but I guess that since it was London not too many eyebrows would be raised.

Heidi gave a haughty sneer at the grime covered buildings. "This is nothing like my beautiful Volterra," she said arrogantly. "This place has gotten even dirtier since I last came here."

"And when was that?" I enquired.

She shrugged "A few decades ago, generally vampires avoid cities – too much temptation."

"I would have thought that vampires hunted in cities frequently – missing people are a regular occurrence."

"If there are too many killed then the Volturi intervenes. Sometimes we stage the murders – replacing the blood with the blood of animals and mutilating the bodies."

"Sounds rather like Jack the Ripper." I commented.

Heidi smiled, showing the tips of her teeth "One of our more famous cover-ups. The vampire in question was very fond of the blood of women and who other than the ladies of the night? My Aro and I had much fun concealing the real truth." she gave an eerie laugh.

I tried not to remember the gruesome details of the murders. "You were never caught?"

"No, the mortals were not yet adept at sciences. Animal blood would never hold up in modern analysis. I miss the old days," she said wistfully.

"Bloodshed without consequence?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"We ruled the night," she said in the same melancholy tone "Mortals were afraid. They offered us great treasures in a way of bribery. They believed that they could fend us off with garlic, crosses and other ridiculous means," she burst out in giggles then stopped abruptly "The music was terrible in that time as well." I laughed. Jasper and Alice were still lip-locked in the car next to us, with Jasper somehow managing to keep driving.

"Exhibitionists." Heidi muttered and leant over me to slam her hand on the horn. They separated with a jump, though the car didn't falter in its smooth course. They shot glares at us. I gave them an innocent look and pointed at Heidi who pointed back at me with a laugh.

Rosalie and Emmett in the backseat, however, hadn't even flinched from their own display. Jasper shook his head in a resigned manner and turned sharply onto a near-hidden street. I mimicked his actions with less than a split-second to spare.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he was trying to lose us." I muttered to Heidi under my breath.

She sniffed "Animal suckers," she said in way of an insult. I could hear Jasper's laugh from the other car as we sped behind them, dodging the slower mortal drivers with ease.

I was hit with a thought of my old Chevy pick-up. My first car, it was indestructible, perfect for clumsy Bella Swan. It was also _slow_.

I never understood what_ he_ complained about when he drove my car until I became one of the undead myself. I spared at glance towards the speedometer; I was hitting 190 mph but that, thanks to a little tweaking, was not even close to the speeds it could go.

We were in an expensive-looking suburbia area – St Albans, about twenty-two miles out of London city. Heidi looked down her nose at the rows of beautifully quaint houses.I rolled my eyes.

"When you have been to Volterra then you will understand," she said confidently.

I turned up the radio "Well until then, can you keep an open mind? I don't want anything impeding on this." I warned her lightly under the cover of the rock music. I wasn't going to risk the Cullen's hearing any information that they did not need. Heidi sighed and returned to staring moodily out the window.

We shadowed the Cullen's through the sleepy town, darkened by the cover of night; passing countless houses of the same quaint design until we reached a paved avenue.

The houses on this road were most sparsely positioned and larger than that of the rest of the area. Continuing along until we reached a house positioned at the end of the street with the nearest neighbours almost a hundred metres away.

A clean white path lead to a three story house, done in the same old-fashioned English style of bricks and stone. Wide white-paned windows were placed at strategic interviews on the front of the house to give a natural lighting – much like their house in Forks. Most of the windows were shuttered in green to match the front door that sat beneath a massive alcove.

The grounds surrounding the house, with the kind of green grass that was commonly found on gardening shows, were littered with a blend of brightly coloured, and scented, flowers with large trees for shade.

(A/n you can see a painting of the house here; www (dot) designcommunity (dot) com (slash) user (underscore) gallery (slash) postings (slash) 21 (dot) html. Just replace the words with the actual symbols)

It oozed elegance and Cullen-ness, for lack of a better word. And I loved it upon sight.

The house glowed from the lights within and the green door flew open with three silhouettes standing in the entranceway as we drove up. My hands trembled on the steering wheel and I sat in the parked car without moving, or breathing, for what seemed like eternity though in reality was only a few moments.

Heidi dug one of her talon-like nails into my arm again to snap me out of my daze, what would I do without her?

I blinked hard and jerked my hands off the wheel as if it burned. I saw the door of the car in front of us fly open and the blur that was Alice Cullen whoosh out towards the three in the alcove, talking a mile a second. Jasper climbed sedately out of the driver's seat next, a contrary image to his excitable wife.

He banged a fist on the back window as he passed by and Rosalie and Emmett stepped out with grace that didn't seem to fit with their previous activities as Rosalie adjusted her top and Emmett removed the lipstick smeared across his face with the back of his fist. They moved forwards to greet their parents and brother and the whole family turned to look at our still car.

"Bella?" Heidi paused, half in and half out of the car.

"Coming." I mumbled and opened the door with a painful slowness. Seventeen years had been building up to this point and I wanted to savour every moment of it.

Okay that was a lie, I was _really_ nervous.

I made a show of adjusting my Gucci sunglasses, even though it was night they served as this occasions mask, in the rear-view mirror and touching up my already perfect make-up until I could stall no longer.

Heidi was, by this time, greeting the Cullen's with her usual hauteur – though she did seem genuinely pleased to see her old friend Carlisle. I took a deep, unneeded, breath and looked in the mirror one final time. They must think I was incredibly vain.

"This is it Bella." I said almost silently to avoid the vampire hearing of any of the Cullen's before I stepped fluidly out of the Ferrari. I walked towards the Cullen's, knowing my walk was reminiscent of the loping lion's grace that I once saw as theirs.

"I'll get your luggage." Emmett volunteered as I approached. Jasper went to help silently, leaving me with the remaining six who all looked at me when I arrived. Rosalie and Alice gave me a smile while Heidi gave a short raise of one eyebrow which I suppose she thought was encouraging.

Oddly enough, it was and I was suddenly full of charming confidence as the matriarch and patriarch of the Cullen family stepped forwards to greet me.

"Well this is unusual." Esme said softly "I'm afraid we don't get many vampire rock stars to visit. I'm Esme. The children's mother."

Alice and Rosalie gave identical cringes at being called 'children' and I didn't need to turn around to know that Jasper and Emmett were doing the same. The closeness between Carlisle and Esme stopped me from seeing the one I wanted to view most and I couldn't feel his reaction.

The vampire I knew would have expressed amusement, maybe a twitch of the lip or even one of his crooked smiles. But I sensed nothing but indifference. By the worried look that passed over Esme's face I could tell that she felt the total unresponsiveness as well.

I extended a hand to her, breaking her second of thought "I do hope I'm not being too forward, inviting myself here like this," I said in a more inhibited tone, adding a slight drop of the head in a child-like pose of bashfulness.

Her mothering instincts rushed full-throttle and she pulled me into a gentle hug with a kiss on either side of my cheeks "Of course not dear. We would love to have you here. And from what I heard, it was Alice who pushed_ you_ into it."

If only you knew.

I heard Alice squirm slightly behind me and I know that she was still feeling decidedly odd about her enthusiastic invite. I attempted to get a glimpse at the figure behind them but he was sheathed in shadows and I was unable to get a glimpse other than a flash of bronze hair in the light as I pulled out of Esme's embrace.

I turned to Carlisle feeling more than disappointed and with a hint of anxiety. I took his offered hand and shook it.

"Carlisle Cullen," he introduced himself "I must say I'm intrigued by your method of feeding. Alice explained the basics of it but I would love to talk about it in full with you."

"Whenever you wish." I said graciously. But I was still restless and eager to get his introduction over with.

I do adore Carlisle but I had more pressing desires. I forced the want into the back of my mind and turned my full attention to Carlisle so as not to seem rude. And also not to appear overly fervent. It seemed to work on the rest of the family but not Carlisle who had already detected my impatience.

He didn't say anything, for which I was grateful, and appeared to let it go. I internally kicked myself and hoped that diminutive lapse of judgement would not return to bite me in the ass.

I had to keep a better rein on my own emotions. Especially if I was going to play this out for the rest of eternity.

"And of course this is the sole one of my children you haven't met." Ignorant Carlisle said and stepped back with a sweeping arm to the figure in the shadows. My fingers unintentionally tightened into fists, though I don't think it was observed by anyone other than Heidi.

Everyone else's attention was focused, as mine was, on the shadows. They seemed to be holding their breaths and a second later I found out why.

"_Edward._" Carlisle finished. With that the man in the shadows stepped forwards and I laid eyes upon the man who, without even trying, destroyed my heart. And he looked _nothing_ like I imagined.

Sure he still had the bronze coloured hair, carelessly falling into his burning topaz eyes in casual disarray. And, as I've just mentioned, still had his gaze of molten gold, unsullied by black because of his hunting trip. But this Edward's eyes were hard, like solid gold. And despite him having just eaten, the lavender circles, around all of our eyes, were even more pronounced than ever.

His beautiful mouth was not twisting into his signature smile, but rather forming a hard line. His stance was every bit as unfriendly as his expression; his arms were firmly crossed, slightly leaning on one hip as he towered above me.

When I knew him, his fashion taste was that of beige jackets and turtle necks, colours of light. This Edward was dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt that moulded itself to him like a second skin and split into a small 'V' that showed a glimpse of his perfect chiselled chest, a long leather binding wrapped, from the bottom of the 'V', around his lower torso; emphasising his lean figure even more. Smooth, buttery black pants clung down his legs until they disappeared into the unlaced black combat boots.

(A/n I'm sorry if I made Edward sound gay with all the tight clothing but this is my idea of fashion in 2020. We do seem to be getting tighter over the years.)

This was _not_ the Edward I remembered. But I'm not the Bella he remembers so I guess it evens out. We've both changed.

And, dare I say it, this Edward was…_hot_!

He may look completely different but he still sent shivers racing down my spine and I had a sudden urge to blush. I flexed my hand to stop it's shaking before extending it. "Hello Edward."

He didn't answer, staring at my hand, and then at me. I held his gaze; I know he was attempting to read my mind. His frown deepened when he couldn't and he stared at my hand again.

"Edward." Esme hissed in a warning tone of voice. Everyone else was silent, watching us carefully.

He took my hand, but instead of shaking it like I expected, he jerked me towards him. "Charmed," he whispered harshly in my ear before pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek.

I heard him inhale and then stiffen. This was the part I was afraid of. He recognised my scent, it had changed when I turned but it was apparently still faintly recognisable to him.

Neither of the Cullen's had shown any suspicions and that was one positive count.

He moved his head to stare into my Gucci-covered eyes. His held the first hints of emotion I had seen so far in the new Edward. There was an imperceptible mix but I could detect mistrust, distress and…hope?

"Bella?" He whispered.

I looked at him evenly. "Yes?"

There was a pause.

"Different Bella." Alice said to me in way of explanation.

I turned my head slowly towards her "Are you sure? Us Bella's are…one in the same." I said lightly.

Another awkward pause in which the Cullen's looked at me, unsure as to what I meant.

Edward was still staring at me with an indistinguishable look on his face, his eyes hooded once more.

I smiled at him "May I have my hand back?" I asked politely.

That broke it, the strange tenseness that was holding us all to our place. Edward wrenched his hand away from mine and strode into the house.

Esme watched him go with another worried look "Oh dear," she turned to me apologetically "I'm sorry for his behaviour Bella. There was a…'incident' not too long ago; Edward's never been the same since. I don't know what it was that set him off." She chewed her lip and looked to a dark window at the top of the house which I suppose was Edward's room.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around her waist. "I do hope you will forgive him," he said.

"Of course." I replied vacantly as he led his dry-sobbing wife into the house.

"I'll get your room ready." Alice offered and disappeared after her parents.

With a look from me, Heidi engaged Rosalie in a conversation about the conflicting fashions in Italy and England as they also went into the house. Emmett followed Alice carrying the large assortment of suitcases containing clothing – most of which Heidi chose out of my extensive wardrobe. Jasper followed with the massive safe that contained my assortment of blood.

He paused by me in the alcove "There's just your guitar left."

"I will get that, thank you Jasper." I replied, still in the vacant state. Finally I was left alone. I wandered in no hurry to my car to retrieve the guitar.

Edward was…not what I expected. I didn't anticipate the 'incident' to have such a big effect on him. If it was the incident I was thinking of.

For all I know something else happened after he left me. Esme just said there was an 'incident' – not that it had anything to do with Bella Swan. She didn't even mention Bella.

I picked up the guitar and began strumming it aimlessly as I wandered back toward the house. A melody came to mind and I began to sing softly.

"_Remember the feelings, _

_remember the day_

_My stone heart was breaking_

_My love ran away_

_This moment I knew I would be someone else_

_My love turned around and I fell_…"

I ignored the pair of golden eyes watching me from the dark window at the top of the house.

* * *

_**So we finally had the meeting of Bella and Edward and it was not what you thought right? I don't think I was going to make Edward so dark but i had a revelation in the shower, where I get all my good ideas, and thus the Dark!Edward was created. I needed something to happen to him as opposed to finding Bella. He doesn't know she's dead by the way and that will be revealed why later on. The little songlet at the end was "Bad boy' by 'Cascada'. Oh and my spellcheck was screwing up again in parts so soz for any mistakes in advance. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you when I see you. **_

_**There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	8. Chapter 7 Porcelain

_**Wow, so there's been so much crap happening in my life that's impeded on my writing, I wrote about half of this and then mock exams came around. I still have two but I'm over revising. I also decided to finish Eclipse beforehand just in case I needed to make any changes. Holidays are soon and I'm going to Samoa. It's my first time out of New Zealand so I guess I'm as excited as I can be. I don't really get excited. Meh. Anyways we FINALLY have the next chapter (after two months of non-suicide girl) so review and enjoy! **_

* * *

Chapter Seven

Sleeping is a luxury humans take for granted.

To dream is to be free. To live in a place that's all your creation, to escape the dreariness and horror of reality.

My kind is not awarded this pleasure. We trade dreams, daylight and, in some beliefs, our souls in order to be the epitome of beauty and grace.

Things that all human aspire or wish to become. They could, in their dreams, appear with a fleeting grasp of our perfection but this is, of course, only momentary.

We are perfection. Deities walking amongst mere mortals for all eternity.

Vampires are the elite, the top of the inherent food chain.

We eat you.

But the thing that most humans, if there are any actually aware of our presence, don't know is that we're jealous. We have immortality; enhanced speed, strength, stamina and mentality; unnatural beauty and a scent irresistible to our prey. We are superior to humans in all ways.

But, they say, ignorance is bliss. That's what humans are; ignorant.

We envy humans because they get to live. They don't exist as stone, frozen throughout time. They exist in a life that is so short, it's beautiful. It makes them appreciate the beauty in the world. To us, the earth is the same.

The view changes as more humans are born and perish in a beautiful cycle. We envy the humans because they can change, they can live, they can appreciate the beauty of the world, but most of all, they can _dream_.

The closest vampires can get is meditating, my current activity.

I idly opened one eye and cast a gaze around the room I was currently staying in. It looked like something straight out of an interior design magazine, thanks to Esme's decorating skills.

The walls were painted a deep chocolate with mahogany furnishings. A large bed with a white feather duvet was positioned in the middle of the room. More for show than actual use I suspected. A large and very up-to-date entertainment system took up most of one wall, which I assumed was Emmett and Jaspers doing.

Currently my own possessions were placed amongst that of the Cullen's, my clothing stashed away in the extensive closet while the blood bank was pushed in a corner out of the way. My musical equipment was also placed at various intervals around the room; the large amp took up in the centre beside a large piano belonging to the Cullen's.

My guitar lay companionably on the bed next to me. I stroked its neck lovingly. The black colour gleamed rainbow in the harsh lighting, which also bounced off my prism-skin and sent the colours flying across the dark walls.

I lifted one gracefully hand and experimented in the light; turning my hand this way and that to make the colours dance across the room. A strange itching feeling started in the back of my mind. I inwardly smiled, I knew the feeling well.

It was the weird prickling feeling I'd get whenever inspiration for a song struck me. This was how I started most of my songs. I picked up my guitar and experimentally strummed a few chords until a melodic pattern began to emerge.

Strings of lyrics flooded into my head as my enhanced mind created a blur of words. A sweet melody tinkered from the strings. Dreams, human dreams flowed through the music.

I sung a single wavering note "…_Paper flowers_"

I flicked on the amp and started a harsher tune, the sound of nightmares. "…_Paper flowers_"

The music turned sweeter once more as more words appeared through my lips.

"_I linger in the doorway,_

_of alarm clock screaming, _

_monsters calling my name._

_Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me,_

_where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story._"

I took a deep breath and slammed on the guitar once more.

"_In my field of paper flowers,_

_and candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside my self for hours,_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_"

The music dwindled once more. I mentally took a reminder of every note I played. This would, after all, next be playing on MTV or another popular music channel.

"_Don't say I'm out of touch_

_With this rampant chaos, your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_

_The nightmare I built my own world to escape"_

I felt him enter though I paid no attention, he already knew that I knew. My back was to him while a smirk played across my features.

I'd already more than one visit from each of his family members in the few days I'd been here; I knew that curiosity would eventually drive him to me as well.

He had waited until the house was empty; Heidi had asked Alice, Rosalie and Esme to go on a shopping expedition while the rest were hunting. Just as I wanted, it was us all alone in the house.

Ever since I saw him I'd been dying to find out the changes I'd have to rewrite into my plans. He was waiting patiently; I knew he wanted me to finish the song. Otherwise he'd have just interrupted me.

My voice switched to an octave higher for the approaching bridge as my gingers plucked daintily at the strings.

"_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_cannot cease for the fear of a silent nigh__t_

_Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming_

_the goddess of an Imaginary life._"

I drawled the note in time to the blasting from my guitar. The racking electrical sound twisted through the air like a snake. I stopped abruptly.

"Like what you hear?" I asked without turning around.

"I'm sure it will be the next big hit." his drawling sarcasm was impossible to miss. I let loose a condescending laugh in retaliation. He didn't like that; I could feel his glare on me.

With deliberate slowness I placed my guitar back on the bed. I could tell he thought I was mocking him, his glare increased ten-fold. I decided to aggravate him some more – purely for research purposes of course. A basic annoying technique is to completely ignore his presence.

Men, even vampires, like to be noticed. I guess it makes them feel special or something. I never really went too much into it.

I wandered over to a pile of papers on the bedside table, undeniably conscious of his eyes upon my back. Each page had four horizontal columns, two divisions of each column made up of five lines. I drew a treble clef on the top division of the first column and a bass clef on the other division. Then, with perfect precision, I began to ink in the various notes of my newly created song.

Completely ignoring the man behind me.

He approached me cautiously. I ignored him cheerfully.

"I distinctly heard a sharp in the forth line," his breath blew across the back of my exposed neck. I suppressed a shiver and mentally berated myself for tying my hair up today.

Without turning round I could sense his smirk. I studiously ignored him as I neatly corrected the note. The song-writing took almost no time at all and soon I was at a lost of what to do.

I arranged the newly written music into a pile, carefully aligning the edges perfectly, and placed it in the dead middle of the desk. I was running out of things to do. He knew that as well, the triumphant arrogance was coming off him in waves.

I lined the pens up along the desk edge, each perfectly symmetrical to the last millimetre. The sense of victory coming from him was quickly replaced by annoyance at my last of recognition. But I wasn't intending on losing this farce of a game.

Finally he spoke "You know it's rude to ignore."

"You would know." I retorted, still not looking at him.

"Would I?" he asked tauntingly.

I looked hard at the desk. "You've not spoken a word to me since my arrival, three days ago."

"Is that so?"

I didn't reply. I was finding it hard to concentrate on the banter with him so close to me.

His very presence was… intoxicating.

He was a dangerous person to be around for this reason. I had to keep my mind on my plan. Slip-ups were not tolerated. I'd told Heidi often enough. And each time she'd reply with a roll of her ruby eyes; '_Si, Si Bella Suicide, you worry too much_'.

I was not worrying, I was being cautious – overly so, admittedly, but there was a lot for me to lose with this.

"Any particular reason for your visit, Edward? You had, after all, so resiliently ignored my presence up until now."

He moved away when I changed the subject, towards a shelf, heavy with various decorative pieces. I was able to think reasonably well without him being so close, but was still painfully aware of every movement. I took in a silent breath and turned to face him, standing up.

One slender pale finger traced the features of a tiny china maiden. Her big dark eyes stared wondrously up at him while a painted blush coloured her cheeks. With a pang I realised that the doll reminded me of my human self. I would get rid of it once he left.

I vaguely wondered if the doll had the same effect on him as me. He didn't show any sign of inner turmoil, just blank. Like a marble statue. I inadvertently wrapped my arms around my chest once more, tight like a corset. I mustn't shatter. Not in front of him. No matter how much I wanted to at the moment.

"You didn't answer my question." I internally winced as soon as the words came out of my mouth. They were cool, cutting, a tone that Bella Swan would never utter.

But I wasn't Bella Swan, I reminded myself. I was Bella Suicide, and Bella Suicide would speak in frosty tones.

She was cool, calm, collect. She was me.

With that inner speech set firmly in my mind I released my vice-like grip on myself with a sigh. I adopted a new posture as he turned at the outtake of breath; a pose that screamed poise and confidence.

His eyes narrowed into a look of dislike as soon as his gaze set upon me but I didn't miss the split-second look of tenderness that he had given the doll. It was stupid I know but for that split-second, I was _jealous_ of the minute china maiden.

The way he held her in his hands, caressed her fragile body, reminded me of how he used to hold me.

It was as if Bella Swan was alive once more and I couldn't bear it. Her era was over and it was time for Bella Suicide to take the stand. There wasn't enough room in this world for both of us.

My eyes flashed dark, despite the fact that I had just eaten earlier, the inky colour bleeding into the ruby. My fatal black gaze fixated on the maiden safe in marble hands, visually tracing her tiny porcelain features. I could feel Edward's suspicious gaze on me but even for the sake of my immortality I could not lift my eyes from the small creature within his grasp.

Bella Swan was…

**Gone**.

**Dying**.

**Dead**.

I was reborn from the ashes of her life. I, the dominating psyche, took precedence over her life, mind and body. Yet here she was, mocking me, safe in his hands.

A fury beyond what I've ever felt burned within my core. She was _here_. She was reattaching strings I'd already cut. I wouldn't let her reform the ties of the life I'd shed. I wouldn't allow it. The acid on my gaze was burning towards the porcelain darling.

The fire didn't burn her, she was protected beyond it's reached by icy skin. His icy skin.

And that angered me.

Stupid little figurine.

Stupid **cowardly** mortal.

I am not you anymore Bella Swan. I hate you little craven swan-child.

Bella –_fucking _– Swan.

With the speed imperceptible to her **weak **mortal eyes, I was in front of him. He didn't flinch, just watched me with his cool golden eyes. I locked my gaze with his.

Black and Gold.

Fire and ice.

He didn't blink and neither did I.

"Get out of my room Edward." I hissed low, malice clear in every word. I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted him out. To keep those gold eyes off me.

His face was expressionless but I could sense his feeling victory. His head tilted slightly to the side and a mocking imitation of his half-grin appeared to twitch at the ends of his beautifully shaped lips. My own lips curled, revealing a glimpse of glaring white teeth.

Fluidly he spun around but before his foot made its first step I spoke up again. "Leave her."

His head turned slightly towards his fist, in which I knew resided my prey (**hunt**). He appeared to stage some sort of internal struggle and I knew it was his attachment to the figurine (**kill**) versus his reluctance to show it in front of me.

Pride took predominance and he carefully replaced the blushing maiden (**blood**) once more on the mantelpiece. His hand wavered before it for a long moment before clutching in a fist as he strode out.

I was alone…or almost (**kill**).

"So," I spoke quietly, almost silently, not even Edward would be able to hear, "You've come back have you?"

She didn't answer. The rational part of me might have commented that she was a porcelain figure and thus couldn't actually reply. But I was currently beyond the reaches of rationality (**crazed**).

"You're not going to control me" I whispered, tracing her features as he had done before me (**kill**). I picked her up in my own marble hand as carefully as he had. The porcelain looked dirty next to my luminous white skin. I lifted her up to my face, her little porcelain mouth almost looking like it was screaming (**death**).

"Goodbye Bella Swan" I (**going**) whispered. My hand closed gently around her little body (**going**).

I walked slowly to the large window opposite my bed. With one hand I opened the white-framed window. My hand curved over my fist as I leant out the window.

"Make a wish Bella." I whispered and touched the fist lightly with my lips before opening it and holding the powder out to the wind. It caught it gleefully, I watched as the powder ran away with the breeze.

Away from me (**gone**).

There was no particles clinging to my smooth skin when I withdrew my hand, she had gone. I leant out the window for a moment and enjoyed that same gentle wind lacing through my hair before it fell back into a perfect style.

A strange feeling arose within me. I looked straight up into the window above me. The room was pitch black as usual but that didn't matter to my enhanced sight. And once I caught sight of those eyes once more I recoiled back into my room and slammed the window shut, rattling the glass.

He had seen the powder and undoubtedly known what it was.

It was fury I had seen in his eyes. It hurt; it burned my insides and tied my stomach into knots.

He'd never been angry at me before – no wait, he'd never been angry at Bella Swan before. We were not the same person, I reminded myself. I forced the thought onto myself until I felt cool indifference seep into my body.

He could be mad at Bella Swan all he liked now. It wouldn't matter soon.

But first, I needed to stop being so goddamn emotional and screwing up the plan.

Especially over stupid little dolls. It was too early to speak to Edward; I'd wait until he cooled down, and I didn't feel like attracting him with my music again.

The others wouldn't be back for hours yet, Heidi assured me that I'd have more than enough time for my first encounter. Instead I sat cross-legged on my bed and closed my eyes, easing into mediation. I added the new equations to the plan and calculated Edward's reaction. Then, once I got the work out of the way, I indulged in a meadow fantasy.

A distinctive revving sounded and my eyes snapped open. The sun-drenched day had given way to a pale dusk, the sky greying and turning calmer. I unfolded my body and walked to the window, a fiery red Ferrari flew up the street. I easily recognised Rosalie's taste. It halted at extreme speed few metres from the house.

I watched as the door flew open and the four females emerged. Though the car was visually full of bags, with more in the trunk, none of the four carried anything. I suspected that was a job for the husbands when they came home.

Heidi looked up and twirled her fingers at me in greeting. I ran downstairs to greet them at the door.

"London has more shops then I remember" Heidi proclaimed as soon as I appeared.

"But nothing compared to Parisian shops" Rosalie appeared beside her.

Alice skipped behind them "America has some pretty fun stuff. But I just like to shop, I don't really care where"

"Hello Bella." Esme greeted as the other three passed me into the house "I feel awful about leaving you all alone…or with, erm, 'limited' company," she corrected herself, giving a quick peek up to Edward's window.

"Its fine Esme." I smiled at her, which she automatically returned, "I'm not that fussed on shopping anyway."

She touched my shoulder in a motherly gesture to bring me inside. "Alice, when are the other's returning?" she asked.

"They're here now!" Alice called, belting downstairs from her room. True to her word, the door flew open and Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett appeared.

"Hello darling" Esme said, giving her husband a quick peck on the lips.

"Al, please say that we're not supposed to take all that crap in the car inside" Emmett groaned, gesturing to the packed Ferrari.

"It's not crap." Rosalie interposed hotly "It's Gucci."

"You've already got a heap of Gucci. I'd know, it's taking over our wardrobe."

"There's always room for more." She replied tartly. Emmett rolled his eyes and seized Jasper, who was exchanging adoring stares with Alice, by his collar and dragged him to the car while muttering under his breath about women and their shopping addictions.

I almost laughed at the chaos the family brought to the formerly silent house. It went from empty to full in about three seconds. Or almost empty, I cast a look upwards but there was no movement that indicated he was about to greet his family.

I felt a hand on my shoulder "Never mind about him." Carlisle said, the others were beginning to migrate into various areas of the house "Edward will keep to himself. I do hope you haven't felt neglected."

"Actually we had a conversation earlier today, short-lived as it was." I replied offhandedly. I felt uncomfortable with the searching gaze he sent me.

"Indeed," he replied finally.

I gave a small smile and turned to leave but his voice stopped me "Bella?"

I turned back around "Yes?"

"Would you object to having that talk now? About our differing eating habits?" I was reminded of his enquiry the first time we met about my way of eating.

I didn't have anything else to do and to refuse would seem rude, no matter how uncomfortable I was feeling right now. I had no idea why I was so ill at ease. I decided to put it off as being worried about Edward.

"I'd love to." I replied.

"We can run to my office at work, it will be empty and we won't be disturbed there."

"Of course." I replied despite the weird tightening in my stomach. I ignored the gut feeling, this was Carlisle, I wasn't going to come into any harm with him. But for some reason the feeling seemed to be for something completely different.

"Let us go then," he smiled and started to run. I followed his lead, racing at break-neck speed with ease. We were faster than blurs, a sudden gust of wind to passerbyers. He sped round the back of a massive cream building and halted at a tedious-looking grey door.

"This is the back so we won't been seen," he explained "This the clinic I work at." He produced a set of keys from a pocket and unlocked the door.

A receptionist was just gathering up some papers at her desk as we appeared, she dropped them in fright and turned red "Dr Cullen, I was just leaving."

Carlisle waved his hand with a smile "I'll lock up. I'm just treating a _special _patient," he emphasised the word. The woman's eyes slid to me and widened in recognition. Her rouged lips formed my name soundlessly. "I trust this will be confidential." Carlisle cut in smoothly.

"Yes, yes of course Dr Cullen," she said hurriedly.

"I will see you tomorrow Susan." She turned pink again and gave us a nod as she fled out the way we came.

"Lovely girl, great receptionist." Carlisle commented as we walked down a sparsely decorated white hallway to his office. He stood aside for me to enter first in a show of the old-fashioned chivalry ingrained in him from his mortal years.

The office was furnished much like the rest of the clinic in the less-is-more method. The pale paint made it seems larger and airier; a bookcase took up one wall with a low bed was along another. In the middle of the room, two chairs faced a large oak desk.

I noticed a picture of his family on the desk; they looked like a model family on the front of some cereal box, everyone smiling at the camera, except for Edward who was staring coldly at something in the distance.

Another frame showed him and Esme, then one with Emmett and Rosalie and one with Alice and Jasper. There was a final picture frame facing down.

I looked curiously at it, wondering who it held. A quick glance to Carlisle showed him busily inspecting his bookcase. I moved towards it and picked it up, and immediately dropped it.

It hit the desk with a thud and a crack of glass sounded throughout the room. I froze, not thinking of Carlisle's reaction. The picture held one of Edward looking far happier than he was now. His arms were wrapped tightly around a girl, her face completely red; Bella Swan.

I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me until his voice sounded near my ear "You may have warded off my wife by playing on her compassion, Bella, but do you really think that I wouldn't recognise one of my own children?"

* * *

_**And we have a cliff-hanger. Ha. I wasn't initially intending someone to find out and so quickly, but I need substance for this chapter or it would have been about half as short. I gave you all the first encounter of Bella and Edward, not that nice, and a big cliffy. Ha, now you have to wait for more!**_

_**Shun the non-believer…shunnn…sssshhhhuuuuunnnnnnnn…**_

_**(The annoying unicorns off internet-sensation Charlie the Unicorn) **_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	9. Chapter 8 Lily

**Hi. Well, what can I say? After a D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G-L-Y long absence (Bad Queen Cocaine!) I finally finished this chapter. I do have reasons for being away; they include but are not limited to, writers block, depression, large life changes, laziness and some of these friend people demanding my attention every minute of every day. Meh. No one said the teenage years were easy. So, without much more ado (and drivel), I give you numeral eight! (Oh, and a happy New Year chaps! Have a good one yeah?) **

_**Dedication to **__**Lacrymosa Wolf**__** for her great taste in music. (I downloaded all the Flyleaf songs and I LOVE them! My favourite is "Cassie") If anyone else has music ideas I'd be glad to hear them. **_

* * *

Chapter Eight

_The picture held one of Edward looking far happier than he was now. His arms were wrapped tightly around a girl, her face completely red; Bella Swan._

_I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me until his voice sounded near my ear "You may have warded off my wife by playing on her compassion, Bella, but do you really think that I wouldn't recognise one of my own children?" _

If I had a heart, at that moment it would have stopped.

Had I been human, this would have lasted for a split-second before the organ continued to beat. But I'm not human, my own heart lay forever still beneath a stone cold chest.

The shock of being discovered lasted only a fleeting second, even to a vampire, before my mind rebooted and began to work on overdrive. Only years of training kept my carefully blank face from cracking but behind the still red eyes there was a flurry of movement.

Carlisle knew.

There was a probability that at least one of the Cullen's would have found out but I didn't expect it to be this soon. I underestimated him; something I would not do again.

I didn't think I was that important enough to him to count me amongst his own children. If he did see me as one of his own…then why did he leave me?

To fend on my own.

To be killed.

To see my life burst into flames.

This was something I would ponder at a later time; right now my complete attention was needed to fix this. I didn't have a fully developed plan for if they found out as of yet. I didn't expect it to be so soon and thought I'd have time to figure it out.

Right now I had two options; I could admit it and have Carlisle sworn to secrecy. But then I would have to reveal key parts of my plot, things I did not think that Carlisle would approve of. He might even try to contradict my plan; his own beliefs do not exactly echo my own.

The other option would be, obviously, to deny it. This was the most iffy, but if it worked I could throw Carlisle off enough to work out a later plan as to how to deal with him.

"Bella?"

Time was running out.

I looked straight into his eyes, momentarily reflecting upon the colour of molten gold just like his son, and replied in a calm voice. "I don't know what you are talking about Carlisle."

A crease appeared between his eyebrows as they drew together slightly in a frown. He was bluffing then. He didn't know for sure but had a large suspicion.

I had only put fuel to the fire when I dropped the picture. I would have to be more careful in the future around him. But for now, if I could extend that little piece of doubt, I could possibly get out of this.

Heidi would have to be informed of the new development and I needed her to initiate yet another phase. This one, essential for the overall plot.

"Bella please…" he trailed off. I continued to keep on my expressionless mask

"Carlisle, you can plead all you want. It won't change the fact that I'm not who you want me to be."

He seemed at a lack of words. I knew he still believed that I was the other Bella and was confused by my response. I also knew that because of this a shadow of doubt was falling over him.

Perfect.

There was silence between us; I could feel his eyes on me though I looked straight ahead. He looked disappointed in me. I pushed away the bite of guilt that came from letting down a parent.

I needed something to get me away from this situation. I wasn't comfortable in awkward conversations and the silence was quickly turning this into one.

Finally Carlisle opened his mouth to speak "I-" he was cut off by one of my own songs; 'I'm so sick' ringing through the still air.

"_I'm so sick,_

_Infected with where I live_

_Let me live without this_

_Empty bliss,_

_Selfishness_

_I'm so sick"_

Stupid Heidi, changing my ring tone.

I nodded an apology to Carlisle before flipping the wafer-thin cell open.

"Yes?" I snapped. The voice that snapped back at me was one I was familiar with though it still, on occasion, hurt my sensitive vampire ears.

"**Where the bloody hell are you Suicide?!**"

I inwardly winced as I held the phone away from my ear. Carlisle looked vaguely amused.

The penetrating pack-a-day voice belonged to one of my more recent accessories. Due to my stint as Bella Suicide, Rock Star, I decided that I needed someone to do the work I didn't want to do so I could spend my time scheming. It's also for show.

So I searched for someone who adhered to my needs to appear as my manager. This is where Dana Springs comes in. Of course, Dana doesn't know that's she's merely a prop.

She just sees me as the star that came out of nowhere with the magical voice and looks who doesn't like to be touched. But then again, she's used to dealing with temperamental celebrities. To her I'm her "find". She doesn't know that I "found" her first.

But she's useful in working out my career and doesn't ask questions…much.

"I'm in Bristol." I replied calmly.

There was a choking noise from the other end "**ENGLAND?? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING A CONCERT IN NINE HOURS IN NEW YORK!!**"

My ears ached.

"Then I will fly out and fly back afterwards." I replied calmly.

"**How are you supposed to get a flight?! And what the hell are you doing in England anyway? You can't just disappear and turn up in other countries! Bella? Are you listening to me?**"

"I can hear you clearly Dana." I replied "I will see you in New York in seven hours."

"**They don't give out planes like candy!! You have to book in advance! Not to mention time delays and do you even know how busy international airports are?! I'll have to cancel the concert. Oh God…why do you do these things to me Suicide? Do you enjoy seeing my pain?**"

"It sustains me." I said morbidly "See you in seven hours."

"**Bite me you sadistic bitch!!**" She howled as I hung up.

I laughed at the irony of her words. But this had given me an opening.

"I'm afraid I'll have to cut this short Carlisle." I said apologetically "I have to get to New York."

He laughed good naturedly as always and waved me away. "We'll have to continue this conversation some other time." There was a gleam in his eyes. I would need to avoid him until I developed an appropriate plan of defense.

"Of course." I replied sedately and left the office in the blink of a human eye. While running back towards the Cullen's house I reopened my cell and pressed 2 on speed dial.

"Bella?" Heidi's sweet accent greeted me on the first ring "Aren't you with Carlisle?"

"We're going to be in New York in seven hours, I'll explain it later." I spoke quickly and hung up.

Thirty seconds later I arrived at the Cullen's house, Heidi was already outside with Esme.

They both looked up as I appeared in front of them.

"New York?" Heidi enquired.

"My agent called. I have a concert there in nine hours." I replied "I'll get there in seven so I have a couple of hours before and after the concert to _shop._" I said the magic word.

"Can I come?" Alice appeared in front of me, arms clasped together in a pleading manner.

"Have you asked your mother?" I revoked playfully.

Esme laughed "As If I could stop that girl when she wants to shop. You girls go on."

Alice squealed and hugged her mother. Heidi shot a questioning look at me. I sent one back saying that I would explain later.

"Shall we go then ladies?" Heidi asked as Alice broke away from the hug.

"_Dum-dum-da-dum-dum, Dum-dum-da-dum-dum, Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of it - New York, New York_…" She sung out a soprano-themed voice.

I shook my head, Alice will be Alice, and we set off. Racing past the cars on the motorway in a blink of a human eye we got to London international airport in twenty minutes.

We smoothly melted into the crowd of well-wishers and travellers, weaving our way through them with ease. No one gave us a second glance, other than the usual awe at our unreal beauty. But they still didn't recognise Bella Suicide as I wasn't wearing a mask.

I suppose in a way, not wearing a mask _is_ my mask. At least when I don't want to be recognised in public.

I directed my two companions to a semi- secluded door near an executive lounge. The main attention focused on the going ins and outs of the lounge gave the door even more concealment.

It was unmarked and undecorated and painted in a similar color to the walls next to it. I pushed open the door and simultaneously slid outsized Dior sunglasses on to cover a large potion of my face in representation of my signature mask.

The room we emerged into was large and airy with a huge window making up the opposite wall. It reminded me of the Cullen's first house. Well, to me it was their first house.

The rest of the room was rather dull, the standard pale cream walls, plain furniture and matching carpet. In fact, the only redeeming quality was the view of the window which looked out over the airfields.

It would be very peaceful, watching the planes go in and out. There was a solitary figure, back to us, doing just that.

He didn't jump as I clicked the door sharply behind us after our silent entry. Heidi's eyes immediately fixed on him and I could feel her getting ravenous. After all, a single human in a secluded room to a vampire was easy prey. I ignored her; she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my objective.

This was like a soap-opera to her. She watched with constant amusement, not even realising she was one of the characters.

I flicked my eyes in Alice's direction. She was safely preoccupied with watching a large plane take off to New Zealand. With everyone in the room safely accounted for, and safely distracted, I knew they wouldn't miss my presence for a few moments.

I closed my eyes and easily slid into my mind. I located the spring of my gift stealing power and then, beyond that, the box of collected powers. Within that resided Heidi's gift of suggestive thought.

Heidi, at the beginning of her turning, may have had a short range of this gift. But after a few millennia, just like Aro and Jane's powers, it strengthened marginally.

As a result it was not hard to find my victim especially when coupled with Dimitri's tracking abilities.

I formed an idea and planted it into her mind where it would root and fester. It was a strong thought, one that most vampires have had before. The desire for power was strong amongst our kind, part of our animalistic instincts.

Yet another part of my plan, flawlessly carried out. I removed myself from the other vampire's mind and returned to my own. I replaced the stolen gifts into my minds box and opened my eyes, returning to reality.

The beauty of the psyche world is that it doesn't run on the same time stream as the reality.

The art of suggestive thought, something I had read up on prior to this, was based on a sort of 'planting' policy. The more time you had to place the thought, or 'plant' it, the stronger it was.

I managed to carefully root in the thought deep in the other vampire's mind using Heidi's gift. This wasn't the first time; I'd done it again and again since Heidi had first come into my company.

It was now totally compulsive and an almost uncontrollable urge to act upon it.

Perfect.

And thought it took an age to plant the thought, it took, at most, a few seconds in reality. I opened my eyes again to find nothing had changed, their gazes were still focused on the same places they were when I closed my eyes.

Now that my first task was done, it was time to move on. I had a concert to perform. I stepped forward; the man in front of the window sensed my movement – purposefully on my part.

"Miss Suicide." he greeted in a low tone.

"Captain." I returned.

The captain spun around purposefully and surveyed each of us, his gaze lingering on Alice; the youngest-looking of us. I suppressed a grimace.

"Your private jet is ready for take-off at your leisure." he said finally "Gate one-four-three."

He didn't say anything to either Heidi or Alice, and I didn't expect him to. The captain disliked most people, found company almost intolerable most of the time. All my visits with him had been short.

"Come." I said quietly for their ears only. Alice sighed with regret at leaving the view but followed like a dutiful child. I didn't even have to look to know that Heidi was at my side.

I wondered how she liked her newfound role of 'side-kick'. It certainly was a change from her prior royal status.

Once we returned to the bustle of the airport Alice cheered up marginally. "Come on!"

Her chiming voice echoed and made more then a few heads turn. Heidi and I followed her graceful dancing walk through the crowds towards the gate that held my private jet.

"Is this part of the plan or are we simply taking a trip?" Heidi asked in a low voice so as not to be picked up by Alice.

"It is merely an extension of my persona as–"

"BELLA SUICIDE! GOOD LORD! MAY I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH??"

I silently cursed that single person as thousands of heads turned towards me. It was a good thing that I was wearing my sunglasses, though that may have been the thing to tip the fan off. At least my identity wasn't completely compromised.

Heidi swore softly in Italian as we ducked our heads while the flashes of cameras echoed around us. We moved as fast as we could to still be considered human yet at the same time dodging the English press with an inhuman accuracy.

Gate 143 emerged straight ahead, I could just see Alice's tiny figure through the crown waiting impatiently for us to arrive. Airport security finally made an appearance, clearing a path for us with little difficulty.

Heidi relaxed slightly. I could tell that it was hard for her, being so close to so many humans. The several men and women in navy uniforms holding the crowd back with practised ease nodded to us as we passed them.

"Can I fly?" Alice asked as soon as we reached her.

"Can you a fly a Falcon?" I queried as we strode down through the gate tunnel.

"2000?" Alice asked for confirmation "I took lessons a couple of years ago; a wedding anniversary present to me…from me."

I nodded, inwardly laughing. "Very well, it all yours."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "I'll make Jasper buy me one for Christmas."

"An airplane?" Heidi asked. Alice nodded. The Volturi queen scoffed "My Aro never demeaned me with foolish mortal gifts like _airplanes._"

Alice looked at her somberly "I feel sorry for you."

Heidi paused in shock. Clearly no one had ever said _that_ to her. Alice slowed her pace.

I wandered ahead, knowing this conversation did not include me yet still listening carefully. It pays to keep both friends and enemies close, and I didn't know what one Heidi would turn out to be.

"I mean, I would die, not literally, if Jasper stopped giving me gifts. Then I would kick his ass!" She finished in typical Alice flair, coupling her words with equally violent gestures.

Heidi nodded slowly "I don't think I will understand your way of thinking for a long time. I do not need these things from Aro; all our kind need are our mates. Without them we are nothing."

Her words struck a chord somewhere within me and I had a sudden longing to see Edward, even the darker version I left in Bristol.

"I know that!" Alice spoke with fervor "I'm just saying that it makes undead existence interesting." They started to walk again.

Heidi paused in thought "Aro once gifted me with a Da Vinci piece from the artist himself."

Alice cackled "An original Da Vinci? That's not bad, but how about getting something a little more _sparkly_?"

I let a small smile grace my lips, they were getting along nicely. Since this didn't actually interfere directly with my plan I didn't interrupt.

I stepped into the gusty airfield, my dark locks whipping around my face as if with a giant fan in a Vogue shoot. I skimmed over the painted lines on the concrete, following a white ladder shaped one that led me to the large black jet conspicuously placed against all the white airport planes.

"Hurry." I spoke to the two who were just coming out of the tunnel. In an instant they were both by my side. Alice took one look at the Falcon and let out a joyous shriek that was immediately carried away by the wind.

She flew inside in a blur, I could see her figure through the blacked out glass of the cockpit. Heidi soon joined her.

I paused for a second and looked out at the solitary figure standing in the middle of a huge glass window; I didn't doubt he was watching us. He gave a small, almost inconspicuous nod and I saluted in return before moving up the staircase and into the plane.

The pulling of the wind halted as soon as the stairs were pulled up but I could still hear it clearing as it howled around the jet. The interior was luxurious indeed, in contrast to the dark exterior it was done completely in shades of white.

"Let's see your skill Alice." I said as I wandered to the bar, pre-stocked with my preferred beverage.

"That's Captain Cullen to you Miss Suicide." Alice's voice rang through from the cockpit.

"A drink anyone? Alice, I have mountain lion, specially imported"

"That's Edwards's favourite." Alice commented absent mindedly. I smiled as I poured three separate packets of blood into three glasses and garnished them with small umbrellas.

"_This is your captain speaking._" Alice's voice came through an intercom in the wall. I rolled my eyes. "_We are looking at a six hour flight tonight with mild turbulence as we come out of this ridiculously windy city. So sit back, relax Bella Suicide, you can sing if you want to, I don't mind. In fact, I particularly like that song you played at the club. It was catchy. You ca-_"

At this point there was a scuffling noise and a giant crack followed by a large amount of static.

"Heidi, the next time you wrench the intercom out of Alice's hand, please do not demolish it." I said coolly.

"Who said there is going to be a next time?" Heidi demanded as she glided in, immediately heading to where I had placed her drink. "She's not going near that thing again."

"Try and stop me!" Came the heated reply. Closely followed by "And where's my drink??"

I looked at Heidi who looked down her nose at me. "The Volturi do _not_ serve drinks." she said with all her five thousand years of arrogance. Alice danced into the cabin huffily and snatched her drink up.

"And who is flying the plane?" I asked, daintily sipping at my own.

Alice crinkled her nose at me but returned to the cockpit, the plane not faltering from its smooth path despite her momentary absence.

I tipped the rest of the blood into my mouth, greedily swallowing, before dropping deftly onto the white leather settee. I kicked off my Italian leather stilettos and pulled my legs up and sinking in a lotus position.

"Distract Alice." I murmured to Heidi before closing my eyes and falling into meditation. I needed to check up on my other plans.

For the second time that day I retreated into my mind. Vaguely I heard Heidi engage Alice in conversation though it was more a background hum than anything, the words indistinguishable, even to my sensitive ears.

I withdrew even further until I reached my spring of power. I removed the mild block I had on Alice's power, not strong enough for her to notice but enough to keep her from seeing anything she shouldn't. I hooked a tendril of my power into her and relinquished it into myself, locking it into the 'box' in my mind.

I absorbed her power into myself for a short while and concentrated on a specific person. The same person I had implanted thoughts into earlier.

A tingling started in my nose. Trust Alice's power to have the feeling of a sneeze.

It spread up my nose and into my eyes as if a veil were being put over them. I opened them slowly and almost gasped. Instead of the snowy interior of my private jet, I was looking into a deep cold room, most likely some sort of dungeon at some point.

A rusty chandelier lit with candle stubs gave a dim lighting to the room but leaving large pockets of shadow especially in the corners. Someone had once tried to reduce the dreariness by adding rich burgundy drapes, the velvet now eaten by moths until it was reduced to a rag, across the windows while a Persian carpet almost blended into the dirty floor.

A crooked mahogany book case covered the opposite wall to the window, filled with dusty antique books. Other than a threadbare settee, the room appeared empty. To a human.

My eyes, however, remained fixed on the lone figure hidden within the shadows of the corner furthest away from the moldy wooden door. They seemed to be waiting for something and I had a good idea what that thing was.

We didn't wait long, almost immediately a loud bang came from somewhere behind the door. The figure tensed at the same moment as I did when the door creaked open.

The figure stepped into the light revealing a stunning Asian vampire with a sheet of pin straight hair that hung down her back. She was dressed in an old fashioned kimono the same strange plum colour as her hair while a black obi was wrapped almost painfully tight around her torso.

Her wooden Geta made no noise as she stepped over the stone floor. Her almond shaped burgundy colored eyes were fixed on the newcomer who stepped forwards, red hair glinting in the dim candle light. Her voice was still as raspy as I remembered.

"_Akita Yuri, I am need of your assistance."_

I withdrew from the vision with a smile.

Yet another part complete.

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_**Well fuck me that took ages. I had the idea in my head but absolutely no way to get it onto the page. Writers block is a sickening disease. But today I sat down and said **__**"I'm finishing this bloody chapter" and I did. Whoot. Most of that was filler, but every fic needs fillers to, um, "fill" the story. I did place a few plot hints in there. I mean, who was Bella thought planting in? Who is the new vampire? Yuri is going to play a part so watch out for her. Kudos to those who can figure out who she really is. Well this is it for me, I'm off to bed. It being early hours and all. Goodnight minions!**_

_**Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	10. Chapter 9 Trashing Hotel Rooms

**Pick me! Choose me! Love me! For I have updated! This is well, a pointless yet satisfying chapter that I will blame entirely on Music 1s my s0ul, for she gave me music and wanted this to happen. You will see what I mean when you read…and then review. THE SHOW MUST GO ONNNN!! **

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Chapter Nine

_"One day I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and die._

_But I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over, like a refrain. My prayer to no one._

_Then I'll be a flower, the one you'll never pick. And will endure the breathless waiting till boundaries disappear. With nothing to do, I make new constellations._

_Images of you as I remember - Dancing. Sitting. Walking... There are stars from a different view. But still, I see nothing but you. Unfurling like a flower._

_Swiveling like a leaf... I once dreamed of you sleeping beside me. It was dark then, but the darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you, my love, clothed only in light..._

_Like a kite, I've given my self up to the wind. I made friends with the sun. Confused the birds with strange and distant voyages. But it is you that ties the thread and hauls me down._

_Like a kite, I will forever hold your hand. And with a burning human longing, in your hands, I surrender. I will never get tired of you._

_For you there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain. My prayer to no one. You know I will never get far._

_And there is no need for my return. I've never been a traveler. For I have never left. I am lost, simply. Wanting to be in a place I've never been, and will never be._

_Of all destinations, I long to be lost in the fields of your hair, lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine. You are my imperative to live._

_My life started when I loved you. And that's how I want it to end."_

I finished off the last letter with a delicate swirl and replaced the black quill in the ink pot.

I picked up the parchment and blew gently, my icy breath drying the scarlet ink as soon as it met it.

My eyes scanned across the delicate calligraphy, so different from the messy scrawl that was Bella Swan's handwriting, once more before I folded it, pressing down across the crease.

I reached for the red candle burning on the corner of the desk and dripped the wax over the edge of the letter, pressing down on it with the ring on my third finger. My signet of BS stared back at me. I flipped the paper over, blank side up.

The hotel suite was peaceful, quiet classical music playing throughout the rooms. I could still hear the hushed rustling of the other occupants within the hotel.

I was alone. Heidi and Alice had gone on a shopping/clubbing spree and wouldn't be back for hours still.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the countless mixed scents of the city that never sleeps.

A flicker of something misplaced emerged within the cornucopia of aromas. A scent more seductive than the finest of perfumes.

My eyes flickered open and shot to the view of the lit up city seen from the balcony of the room. Of course there was going to be vampires in New York.

The missing person's rate was much too high for there to not be and it was a perfect place for us to hunt in. A crowd of people twenty-four/seven, no one ever notices a few missing.

But this was different. Familiar, and not in a good way.

"You followed me here." I stated to the empty boudoir, decorated in French Renaissance style.

A low chuckle echoed in the room. My eyes flicked to the balcony where he stood, silhouetted against the lights of the city. My tongue darted out to trace my lips, a portrayal of nervousness to make him feel in control.

I stood, "Why?"

He didn't answer but I could feel his scorching gaze on me. My muscles tightened involuntarily.

I strode nonchalantly over to the set of Louis Vuitton carry cases that Alice and Heidi had insisted on taking. I slipped the paper in my hand into one of them firmly zipped it up again.

I straightened and instantly knew he was behind me. I could feel his breath on my neck. This sent a tingling running down my body to places I would rather it didn't.

This was no time to lose my head. Unlike the other visit, this one was unplanned. Heidi and Alice weren't coming back till tomorrow at the very earliest and I was alone in a hotel room with Edward Cullen.

But first, I had to figure out his intentions.

I turned slowly to face him. His cool breath flowed over my face now and I closed my eyes, savoring the fragrance. I felt his finger tip, tracing down my face and across my bottom lip. I felt a pleasant prickling sensation down my arms.

Warning bells went through my mind and I snapped out of the stupor. My eyes flew open.

He was very close to me, our lips were almost touching. I took a step back only to bump against the bed.

My mind wasn't working properly. My breath came in short bursts. His eyes were so mesmerizing, the blazing gold was almost swirling.

My ceramic bones felt liquidated. His hand reached out and not a single part of me could say that I didn't want it. It reached around my waist and in one short pull, yanked me to him.

We were pressed so close together that I could feel ever inch of his body, especially through his ridiculously tight pants.

Since when did Edward wear pants that tight anyway? Not that I minded. Except in this circumstance. This, I reminded myself was bad. Very bad.

I went to pull myself away (reluctantly) but found that he had no intention of letting me go. I looked up into his wolfish grin.

"Let me go, Edward." I said, making my voice seemed totally unaffected.

"Oh, I don't think so." He replied. I could see his gaze flick around my face, setting for a few heart-stopping moments on my lips before trailing down my body.

I fought to keep my shaking limbs under control. His eyes returned to my face again as an almost cruel smirk emerged on his features. The remnants of the old Edward, _my_ Edward were almost totally erased.

"You know, you remind me of someone I used to know," he started, his gaze still calmly exploring my features.

I almost froze. It was impossible. He couldn't know. Unless I gave him far less credit that he deserved. But I had gone to such lengths to make sure he didn't know.

Completely changing my personality and appearance. I avoided him at every possible moment minus the ones I needed him for. And during those moments I sprayed myself with so much perfume that he couldn't possibly be able to distinguish my smell from that.

In a flash I had all my options laid out in front of me. I could either play it dumb like I did Carlisle but I didn't think this Edward would buy it.

I had barely scraped by with Carlisle and that was only because I was interrupted by Dana Springs. I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to trick Edward that easily.

There was no other option; I had to let him into my plans and hope for the best.

"You two are almost polar opposites but there's something about you that reminds me of her..." Edward continued, still searching my face.

I steeled myself "Edward, I–"

"But then I realised," he cut me off without regard "That you couldn't possibly be the same person."

I stared at him.

"I'm confident that I would recognise B–her. But _you_ on the other hand," He looked down at me "There's something about you; I can't put my finger on it. Your scent?" He leant towards my and ran his nose up my throat, inhaling deeply. I took a sharp breath, shuddering at the sensation.

"Your feel?" He shifted upwards, rubbing his cold cheek against mine. When I was human, the feel of his body was like ice. Cold, solid. It was strange that I didn't notice any of that now. Now the friction of our cheeks together sends a burning down me rather than a chill.

"Or," His face paused and started to slide again until our noses were touching. I was completely still, not even breathing. "Your taste." Gently his smooth pink tongue slid over my bottom lip and back into his mouth.

Then again, this time sucking gently. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't do a single thing to stop him. Then slowly, his lips eased over mine more and more and before my mind could catch up we were kissing.

It wasn't the soft hesitant kisses we used to share where I would try to deepen it and he would pull back. This time we were both fighting for dominance. I took it, nudging his lips with my tongue. They opened willingly but only so he could take control with his own tongue.

He dug deep into my mouth, tasting and exploring everything. I wasn't worried about his recognising me from that; he was always too cautious to ever get this close to me. It was strange that he would kiss someone he barely knew like this and not the girl he'd been dating for a year.

But right now, the feel of his mouth moving against mine, I couldn't have cared less.

The kiss turned more and more aggressive as if we were both working off our frustration towards each other. My hands reached up and entangled themselves in his hair almost painfully while his arms around my waist pulled me even closer, grinding our bodies together.

I gasped into his mouth and bit down hard on his bottom lip. He let loose a growl in the back of his throat and shoved me back onto the bed.

He wasted no time in pinning me down and attacking my throat with gnawing kisses. My body bucked against his as he bit down hard on my jugular and I let out a throaty moan. "_Edward._"

He froze. I opened my eyes to see why he wasn't continuing with his ministrations. He was staring down at me with a peculiar expression, almost anger.

"Fuck." he swore violently and jumped off the bed. He landed in a stance, like he was ready for a fight. I rolled over into a crouch. The way he was acting, I wasn't sure there wouldn't be one.

"What is your problem?" I spat.

He glared at me.

I let loose a growl. What the hell was he playing at? I didn't like being screwed with.

It seemed to shock him into his right mind. He straightened up into a formal posture. I noted his body language still seemed defensive.

"I apologize Miss Suicide." He pronounced slowly and coolly.

I stared at him, not leaving from my own defensive crouch.

"That was not my intention in coming here tonight and I am deeply regretful of my actions and how they might have affected me."

I looked at him like he was talking gibberish. He certainly wasn't making any sense.

"What was you intention then?" I asked, as cool and refined as his own tone.

He raised an ironic eyebrow at me. "To congratulate you on your concert. It was…stimulating." and with that he was gone. Out the open terrace doors.

In a split-second I followed, only to the balcony itself. He was already gone, onto the next rooftop like some sort of comic book superhero.

I bet he'd be fucking batman.

"Fucking Cullen!" I snarled after him. I spun back into the room, slamming the balcony doors closed and kicking over an ornamental table, breaking the vase that was perched on it and scattering flowers everywhere.

My fingers curled into fists and I shook them furiously, ready to punch something, _anything_.

I was so damn furious at myself. Even more than I was at him. I had lost control. I had relinquished myself to him, damming the consequences. I had put my plan in peril.

I had let him play me like a fucking piano.

I screeched, putting all my fury into one single note.

An elaborately framed mirror cracked.

I stormed around the room, stomping my feet and feeling satisfaction with the crunch of the wooden floors splintering beneath my feet.

I stopped suddenly, I still needed an outlet and in that second of silence, the notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sinatra broke through and I thought of one.

I crashed over to the stereo and tuned it until I heard a familiar song with harsh guitar strokes, thundering drums and a screaming voice.

I snatched up my own guitar, put it on the highest frequency and slammed down on it, joining the music playing with my own special brand of rock.

"**COWARD!!**

spit I think I'll spit

For all those girls, who speak contradiction The guy who crept through the shadows everyday to clutch his own conclusion Watch all the blood, as it drips from your veins you coward Godspeed, may your death come quickly

I think I'll take this hate and , SPIT, SPIT, SPIT

Now as it's passed onto the next one I feel a blood rush come right over meYou know you will never be right in the eyes of the ones who know You trusted the devil and she will betray you

Low

Why do I get shit all the time from you men You are swine You think dick is the answer But its not.

**Why do I get shit all the time from you men You are swine You think dick is the answer But its not!**""

The hurried knocking on the door became more obvious as the song ended.

I hit the last chord and let out a satisfied sigh. A new song began to play in the wake of the old one but I turned down the volume and went to answer the door, tossing my Dior sunglasses on to cover my features.

I already knew who it was before I opened it. The crisp navy uniform of the hotel staff adorned the man who was slightly taken back to come face to face with one of the worlds most elusive celebrities.

"Yes?" I drawled, raising one eyebrow at him over the out-sized glasses.

"Erm, Madam Sui–" he started off.

"_Mademoiselle._" I corrected.

He flushed "My apologies Mademoiselle Suicide, but we have had quite a few complaints about the noise coming from your suite from the other hotel guests. Unfortunately if the noise persists we will be required to–"

I smirked at him "I'll try to keep it down."

He nodded nervously "Thank you for your cooperation, if there's anything you need?"

I swung the door wider, allowing him a view of the wrecked room. "I think I'll need a fresh vase of flowers brought up, and maybe a new table. I had a little accident with the last one."

He looked like he was about to faint. "Yes…of course, Mademoiselle Suicide. I'll see right to it."

"Thank you." I sung, the picture of innocence, and slammed the door in his face.

"I hate men." I announced to the room.

"And you decided to take it out on the floral arrangements?" Alice asked, climbing in through the same balcony that her brother had exited from not so long ago.

Heidi was already inside, standing in the middle of the room, looking at the destruction with a disapproving eye. "They are going to wonder how you made craters with your feet." She took on her role as a Volturi.

I didn't bat an eye "Then we will change it to something less incriminating. Aren't you going to ask why I'm mad?"

"We already know." Alice informed me "I had a vision so we left the club, which was totally fun by the way, but we missed him obviously."

"Oh," I said unimpressed with myself yet again.

I had forgotten to block Alice's visions from Edward. As a result she'd foreseen his intention in coming here. But thankfully since his future mixed with mine as soon as we saw each other, and I was blocked from her, she wouldn't have seen anything that would lead to a very awkward conversation.

"And even if I hadn't seen him, this place reeks of my brother. What did he want anyway?"

I replied in the utmost composure "He wanted to congratulate me on my performance."

My eyes drifted across the room and halted on the Lois Vuitton bags.

One of them in particular.

Which was unzipped.

With a certain sealed letter missing.

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_**Ooh, letter missing. Lots of secretive kissing. An angry Bella. A gloating Queen Cocaine. This chapter was rather pointless and only served to quench my thirst for a little Bella/Edward lovin'. I found and liked the poem thing so I put it in there; I haven't the slightest where I'm going to go with it and if it's going to actually have a place in the plot at all. Who knows? Anyways, love me for I have updated. You may show your affection in the form of reviews! Glorious reviews!**_

_**I'll wear my swimsuit if I want to!!**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_

**_Hiya. LollirotXoX here, just leaving you guys a note. I, obviously, have completed reposting Queen Cocaine's chapters and I am happy to say that I feel confident in the plot now, enough to continue the story! I will begin working on the next installment to this story immediately! It should be posted as soon as I am finished, which shouldn't be too long, since I'm pumped to write this. I'm so excited!_**

**_Until then..._**

**_-LollirotXoX_**


	11. Chapter 10 Home Sweet Home

Hola! I am extremely nervous to post this, as it is my first chapter for this story, but I decided hey, what the hell, huh? I hope you enjoy! While reading this though, please keep in mind that while I am following Queen Cocaine's basic plot for this story, that will come into play in the near future. Also, I am not queen Cocaine, so my writing WILL be different. Other than that...Here we go! And so I present to you...Chapter ten of Suicide Girl!

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Chapter Ten

Love is something mortals don't understand.

They think they do. But, truly, do not.

Even I, as a human, could not grasp the full concept. Love is the most potent, motivating emotion that there is.

And humans are idiotic enough to put their full faith in it. As a vampire, I felt the same emotions that a normal human would feel. But I only, unfortunately, felt them for one. And I would not be so obtuse as to blindly trust again. The pain I had been forced through, suffered in tormenting proportions, when Edward had left my pathetic living past, still remained within myself, to this day.

Edward Cullen was, indeed, haunting me.

I somehow convinced Heidi and Alice to lengthen our stay in New York. It wasn't very hard, seeing as how Alice was far too intent on her little shopping trip. Heidi was slightly indifferent, but she would be where I was.

As much as it shamed and disgusted me, Bella Suicide, to admit it, I feared going back to the Cullen estate. After what happened with Edward, it would be ... _awkward_, to say the least. I still hadn't fully forgiven myself for that little incident. Letting my guard down, for a few fucking kisses. Electrical kisses as they were; they had almost messed up my persona.

Was being around Edward bringing out the naivety of my former self? I could not allow that to happen. I despised the guileless adolescent I had been, and could not allow her to resurface, especially this far into my plan.

He had stolen my letter.

Why would he take it upon himself to just take what was mine? What was his antiphon going to be? Could he figure out that it was about him? He had nearly destroyed my plan, as I had not anticipated this. Oh, he would feel my anger when we returned which was, sadly, tomorrow. As much as Alice loved shopping, she was beginning to miss Jasper.

I could understand that. After seventeen years of not viewing his angelic face, feeling his skin that wasn't so alien to me now, seeing him once more had arisen in me a feeling to not be parted with him again. I resented the weakness he brought out in me, but still the need for him was there. Will always be there.

An exasperated sigh escaped my cherry lips, drawing the ever attentive Alice to shift her gaze upon me. "So Bella, are we returning soon? I can't wait to fly again!" Her voice was that of an excited child, making a small smile tug at the edges of my lips.

"Soon, Alice, soon."

She seemed satisfied with that, and bounced off to examine her shopping bags. We'd stayed in the same hotel as the night of my concert, the night with him.

Of course, we'd fabricated the proper evidence to cover up the craters my feet had left in the floor, though there was nothing to be done about the mirror I'd shattered. I supposed my fine tuned voice had just been too much for it.

Funny, seeing as how when I had been...her, I had always found it odd that obese opera performers could shatter glass simply by raising their pitch.

Between Alice, Heidi and myself, a whole half of the hotel room was covered with shopping bags. Mostly brand names. Gucci, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Dolce and Gabbana, Armani, DKNY, Juicy Couture, Manolo, Jimmy Chu, Coach, Seven jeans, which were my absolute favorite to wear when I either wasn't in character or felt like relaxing a bit with a simple corset and jeans outfit.

I was very blatant about my tastes in design these days, unlike when I had been the innocent Swan child, who had been content with flannel shirts and twenty dollar jeans. I almost scoffed at the idea of it.

Had being a vampire for the past seventeen years, on top of my last year of fame and unlimited money, made me arrogant? Why, yes, it rather had.

Even though I had made purchases at those rather elusive and expensive stores, I itched for a trip to London. Craving new corsets, Fairy Goth Mother would be the perfect place. I didn't need the perks of corsets, accentuating the waist as well as slimming it and making it appear lengthier. Being a vampire, I had as perfect a body as could be expected. Not perfect like Rosalie, but perfect the all the same.

Tired of my inner banter, I stood. "I'm famished. Alice, Heidi?"

Heidi, who had been absently inspecting her already perfect nails, looked up at this, indifference still apparent on her beautiful features. "I wouldn't object."

"I'll eat!" Came Alice's bell like tones, and I looked over. Again, fighting a laugh. The small optimist was half buried in her piles of designer belongings.

I was slightly unnerved at how Alice brought these warm feelings out in me, and I hastily shoved those thoughts aside as I rose and gracefully strode over to my containment cell, keying in the newly reformed password. I searched through my stock, finding fitting tastes for each individual that was accompanying me.

Redeeming a little payback for Heidi giving me an older male on the ride to the Cullens', and I sustained her with a thirty nine year old Persian male, O negative, fighting back a sadistic chuckle at the look of distaste that crossed her features. The last of the imported mountain lion was given to Alice. A twinge struck me as I read those words. Even with Alice's reminder a few days ago, I had not forgotten that particular animal was Edward's favorite. It happened to be one of mine, as well, as far as animals were concerned. I hadn't always had my own personal blood bank.

I tossed the heated pouches to their respective owners, biting into my own and draining it within a few delectable moments. Twenty four year old Irish female, B positive. Old enough to be more matured, and less stickily sweet, but still tangy enough.

The silence in the hotel room was comfortable. Involved in her own thoughts as Heidi was, and absorbed in her new treasures as Alice was, neither noticed the state of deep thought I was in.

And I preferred it that way.

* * *

After a pit stop at Fairy Goth Mother, we made out way to Bristol, passing a few shops and markets on the way. The streets of London, though it was well into the evening, were still populated with humans and, most likely, vampires alike.

When we rode down one particular road, my eyes fell upon a dealership. A strident gasp escaped me as the slim pieces of metal brought back memories. I couldn't quite remember the name, but I remembered a tall, tan and gangly boy with a warm smile that drained my pain slightly. "Stop!" I screeched.

Alice gave me a peculiar look, but obeyed. She pulled to the front of the dealership, turning the ignition and stopping the motor.

I opened my door, and moved towards the nearest metal masterpiece.

Alice was closely behind me, while Heidi, unamused, waited in the passenger seat of the car. "You like motorcycles?"

A strained feeling overcame me. A strong desire to own one of these beautiful creations overwhelmed me. But, clad in a layered, fringed black skirt along with wide diamond fishnets and my witch-like boots, I was hardly equipped to ride one back to the Cullen manor. "Yes."

She made a 'hmm' sound, taking in the expression of longing that my face must have portrayed, before quietly dancing back to the car. I followed, my eyes lingering on them for as long I they could.

This sudden longing, a somewhat ache in my heart, bothered me. I remembered why I had ridden the bike. Because I had been hearing that glorious voice, as insane as I thought I had been. And I had been willing to deal with that.

Sad, that I didn't remember the name of the boy who had brightened my world slightly after Edward's departure, but I remembered a minute detail such as that. It was despicable how I remembered every small detail that concerned Edward, but I couldn't remember loving my parents.

I was silent, pondering, the rest of the ride 'home'.

I hated myself as feelings of uneasiness and dread filled me as we raced our way up the drive leading to the Cullens' house. My stomach fluttered a bit nervously, though on the outside I was the portrait of composure.

Alice had insisted on driving, so we were currently speeding at a completely inconspicuous, to vampire's anyhow, one hundred and thirty miles per hour. My poor Ferrari was used to these speeds, however.

The pixie like vampire slowed to a halt in front of the house, and opened her door, stepping out gracefully.

Almost immediately, Jasper was there.

He stood directly in front of his wife, staring into her eyes with love, powerful and immortal, shining at her through his golden eyes.

The sight made my stomach nearly flip, but I casually exited the back seat. Apparently, _Volturi_ don't ride in the back seat of a car either, Heidi had nearly fell over in shock at the idea. Closing the door softly behind me, I moved elegantly to the trunk, popping it open and sliding my slender wrists through a few loops of the bag handles that belonged to me, along with my Louis Vuitton baggage.

I almost jumped out of my porcelain pigmented skin when I felt a presence next to mine. The very presence I had been morbidly anticipating.

"Allow me." Edward's velvet tone's almost sang, his igneous topaz gaze boring into my own scarlet one. He must have hunted recently, as not even a speck of black tainted his blazing stare. He slowly, purposefully removed the bags from my arms, his equally pale skin brushing against mine in the process and I fought a shudder. I sharply inhaled, and his wondrous scent slammed me, making my skin tingle in memory of how his delicious body felt upon mine. How his harsh, passion filled kisses had felt.

But those very kisses proved what I had suspected as a human. Despite what every one said about my human self affecting him permanently, he couldn't have loved me as much as he had claimed to. His actions only a few nights previous had proven that. He had never showed Bella Swan that much fervency. She really must have been a simple pet to him.

Even after all these years, realizing that once more still strung me, tearing painfully at the edges of the infamous hole he'd left.

I would not show him my weakness.

I'd given up on hiding my face from him and the rest. He'd seen it the night he'd surprised me by coming into my hotel room. Obviously, he didn't recognize me though. Was it the years that had passed, diminishing his memory of my mortal self, or do I simply look that different?

Maybe Bella Swan was just really that insignificant to him.

Perhaps, had I still been living and warm, I would have melted against him.

But Bella Suicide did **not** melt.

I consciously jerked my chin up a little bit , grabbing the small remainder of my belongings as Edward had taken most of the burden, and, strained as my voice was, politely said, "Thank you, Edward." And promptly made my way into the house, headed towards my room. I knew he was just being haughtily courteous, my designer luggage was not heavy at all to an immortal. Granted, there was a large amount of luggage. What I had brought to New York, along with the shopping that had been done had totaled to a slightly ridiculous expanse of luggage. But that must have meant he wanted to be in close proximity to me.

I entered my room, graciously dropping my bags into a corner, and moving to my large closet, inspecting it to see if I had any left over hangers to perch my new wardrobe upon.

When I inhaled, out of habit, his succulent scent hit me once more, and I turned, eyes narrowing. "Yes?"

Edward raised a perfect, ginger like eyebrow at me. "I am merely bringing your belongings to you, Miss Suicide."

I motioned to the corner where I'd set what I had carried myself, and waited stonily for him to do the same.

He complied, and turned to face me. My ruby orbs glared right into his, and I fought the urge to childishly cross my arms.

His eyes roamed my body once more, and I was surprised by how often he seemed to do this. Like he was drinking me in. He'd been way to proper when I was human to do that. What justification did he give himself to do so now?

I opened my mouth to say something, whether it was to frostily, yet forcedly politely, ask him to leave, or something else I was unsure, but he cut my words short by moving towards me.

In a few long strides, he was in front of me, and reaching into his back pocket for something.

I refused to take my eyes off his as my head tilted upwards to accommodate his height. As a vampire I was a bit taller than I had been as a human, but not nearly as tall as he.

He held his beautiful pianists fingers out, and my eyes suspiciously lowered to see what he had captivated in them.

My letter.

Seal broken.

Annoyance mixed with anger washed over my features, and I hastily yanked it out of his hand. I would have been blushing furiously, had I been able to. "Thank you, for returning wat belongs to me, that you abducted without permission from myself."

This made Edward smirk a bit condescendingly, and my eyes narrowed even more. Was it wrong that I wanted to resort to violence to wipe that expression off of his face? He was satisfied with himself for his actions!

"I apologize, Miss Suicide, but I simply could not resist." He said formally, with a hint of that jubilant superciliousness that he'd had the day he'd entered my room during one of my compositions.

"So what did you think of my personal ramblings? Are you pleased with yourself that you invaded my privacy?" I snapped, clenching my fists. He was radiating smugness, and I couldn't understand why.

That damn smirk remained, and he responded. "I am, actually."

Fury blazed within me. "Get out."

He raised his eyebrow once more. "Such callousness from a lady. Don't you think yourself rude?"

Was he trying to anger me? My fists clenched tighter in attempt not to flat out hit him, and a growl absconded me in retaliation, "Don't you think yourself rude for thieving my belongings?"

He chuckled. "Absolutely, but I don't regret it." My mouth opened once more, but he stepped forward this time, his body nearly against mine. I froze. Was this going to be a repeat of the hotel room?

But instead of that, one hand came up to gently trace over my cheekbone. "I suppose that while it does make me question why you are here with us, I'm glad I did read it, because it revealed that under that cold facade and angry music, you do have a heart."

I fought the urge to snort. He was my heart. But of course, he wouldn't know that. I almost breathed a sight a absolute relief that he hadn't figured that out.

I was at a loss for words. What could I say to that? "I suppose I do. And I suppose under your amazingly indifferent and pompous composure, you have a heart as well." I could make him feel the string.

A soft, reminiscing glint shone in his eyes, and something resembling a small smile rose to his perfect lips. Not a cruel smile, but not a happy one either, and he remained silent for a few moments. I was reminded of the picture Carlisle held in his office of Edward and Bella Swan, and how happy Edward had looked. Obviously, it hadn't made him happy enough to stay.

As I thought of that, and the fact that he was in fact playing with my mind, I snapped my head back, away from his touch, although semi reluctantly. "Your arrogance is astounding. Leave, now."

He chuckled softly, although symmetrically darkly, and dropped his hand. "As you wish."

And then he was gone.

"Asshole." I hissed after him, as the door to my room gently closed. I had never felt this much resentment towards Edward, and it shocked me. But it felt nice to feel something other than loving adoration, and longing towards him.

His laugh resounded down the hallway, and I knew he'd heard me. It didn't bother me.

My eyes fell upon the letter still clutched tightly in my hand, and I viciously ripped it to shreds, resisting letting out that same shriek I had in the hotel. I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed my portable music player, blasting loud, angry music into my senses and unpacking.

"_Liar liar liar liar_

_Liar liar liar liar_

_Liar liar liar liar_

_Are you suffering?_

_Are you SUFFERING?_

_I want your suffering._

_I want your beautiful suffering._

_I want to see your PAIN_

_I WANT YOUR SUFFERING_"

No one was unwise enough to disturb me.

Around four a.m., when I'd resolutely calmed a bit, I entered the main room, a small grin turning up my mouth. Emmett and Jasper were arguing, sitting on the floor in front of the large screen television and almost violently slamming their thumbs down on the buttons of the X-Box controllers. Rosalie was sitting on the couch, staring at them in disbelief.

"Hello." I called to them all, taking a seat on the same couch as Rosalie, though keep out distance. She looked at me, that same disbelief on her face, and shook her head.

"You'd think after how many years I've been around them I would be used to this by now..." Rosalie mused.

I laughed softly, the sound almost of bell chimes to rival Alice's, and I spoke to the males that were acting quite like boys. "What are you playing?" I took in the sight of two men, one clad in a pair of sickenly tight leather pants and a matching vest with spiked studs covering the shoulders, and the other a kimono and an obi. Which reminded me of a trip that I'd have to make soon, but I pushed that to the side.

It wasn't hard to distinguish who was which one, as Jasper was smirking confidently as the man in the obi roundhouse kicked the rebellious looking one in the face, following up with a powerful punch to the chest that made him fly backwards.

"Tekken twenty seven, JASPER KNOCK IT OFF!" Emmett shouted, resulting in a merciless laugh from Jasper and an amused chortle from Rosalie and I.

"Take THAT!" Jasper responded, pressing buttons violently as Emmett moaned in despair. Boys would be boys.

"Where is everyone?" I asked no one in particular.

Rosalie turned to me, but Emmett beat her to it. "The stuck up Volturi bitch went to London again to hunt, Carlisle is at work, Esme is in the garden, and Alice and Edward left a few hours ago to go hunting because Alice was bore-HA! DIE, JASPER, DIE!" Emmett cackled in victory, as his character successfully got his hands on Jasper's, ripping his head off.

"Hey!" Jasper basically whined, his face falling as the words K.O! flashed in red across the screen. He pouted slightly.

"I win, I win! Ha ha!" Emmett teased, causing Rosalie to roll her eyes.

"How old are you?"

Emmett responded by promptly sticking his tongue out at his beatific wife.

As Rosalie was about to make another sarcastic retort, the front door open and closed, and his scent hit me at the same time that Alice's sing-song voice assaulted my ears. "We're ho-o-o-o-ome!

Jasper's near pouting almost faded, but not completely, and he looked at his wife as she entered.

Alice plopped right into Jasper's lap, looking to me. "Edward wants to see you."

I rolled my eyes a bit, a Rosalie patted my leg, giving me and encouraging smile. I looked at her and made a face, earning a beautiful laugh as I rose and went towards the door. I was really beginning to take a liking to Rosalie, and I believed she was to me.

Edward was leaning against the door frame, his posture relaxed and confident. Since when was he so...egotistical?

I didn't stop myself this time, and crossed my arms below my breasts. "Yes, Edward?"

He smirked. "I have a present for you."

My perfectly sculpted eyebrows rose at this. He had a present for me? "Oh?"

He held out his hand, while his other opened the front door.

I placed my own in his larger one, wondering what on earth Edward Cullen could have gotten me.

* * *

Viola!! I'm so proud of myself for finishing this! It took me all day, but I'm pretty satisfied with it. I hope you all like it, I tried very hard! What did Edward get Bella, and why? You'll find out soon enough!

Review, please. Not because I'm begging for them, but because I want to know everyone's opinion. For now, I bid you adieu.

-Lollirot


	12. Chapter 11 Motorcycles

Authors note;; Wow! So many reviews, and all good ones! I'm very happy that you all enjoyed it! Yay! I was going to wait a bit to write this, as I don't want to spoil you all with updates too fast, but I couldn't help it, I'm so into this now

There are a few things I want to cover from some reviews, though, but I will wait until the end for that. So here is chapter eleven! This chapter is pretty much focuses on Bella and Edward. I need to establish some sort of relationship between them, with her as Bella Suicide and he as Dark!Edward haha. Gotta love Queen Cocaine.

* * *

I loathe surprises.

After seventeen years of doing nothing but obsessing and perfecting my plan, putting a tremendous amount of time and effort into all of this, surprises would be my down fall.

And they kept happening. Being surprises, I could obviously not anticipate them, but I was becoming less and less confident in myself and my plan. I would have to do some serious rethinking on Edward's character, since he was the one the surprises seemed to be centering around.

I could not allow that to continue. I needed to contain myself around him, and not allow his presence to effect me the way it has been. Or it would proceed to destroy my plans.

But I couldn't deny that a part of me was excited as I placed my hand in his. He had gotten me a gift. The reason for this, I was completely unsure, but the fact that he did made small butterflies wing their way through my intestines.

The second my marble skin came in contact with his, an electric shock revved up my arm. I didn't get to touch him often, so when the short moments happened, even after all these years it still had these effects on me. I suppose it's sad, but I would not trade him for anything.

Edward smirked when I complied, and his fingers curled around my own. He turned, stepping slowly out the large front doors he'd already opened, with me following his long strides. It felt nice to have his hand within my own once more, though I would not show it.

As soon as I stepped out into the clear, star filled night, the silver moonlight glinted off of what I assumed was my gift, and a small gasp left me.

There, in the middle of the Cullen manor drive, was a brand new motorcycle.

I would really, really have to start thinking more into this new Edward.

My scarlet gaze shifted to him, and I knew I had a questioning look on my face. He laughed, and even though it was slightly dark, it was a beautiful sound. It struck something deep in me, that I refused to acknowledge was there at this moment.

"My apology, Miss Suicide." Edward took a slight bow, backing his words. I raised my right eyebrow once more, staring into his burning eyes that somehow managed to send small tingles through me, even in my anger towards him that still resided in me.

I presumed that by 'my apology', he meant the motorcycle.

Curiosity took me over, and I inquired him with my eyes. He gave a slight nod, straightening up to his full height and towering over me. I aversely released his hand, and graciously stepped down the stone steps until my feet met the concrete drive. I gaited to the wondrous metal creation, running my slender, white fingers over the steel neck of the handlebars, my eyes taking in the sight of it like a sponge absorbs water. The metal was hard and cool under my touch, and it sent small chills of excitement through me. "Edward..." I didn't know what to say, so many thoughts were coursing through my mind. Why had he gotten this? His apology, he'd said. His apology for reading my letter without my permission? For his actions at the hotel, or in my room just hours ago? I turned to face him, hesitancy apparent on my doll like features. "Why?"

He came to me then, his movements so fluid it was like watching water ripple. He was beside me, running his own slim fingers across the gorgeous steel monster. The bike was rather enormous, trim metal and hard black paint as it was, and looked very expensive. It was, without a doubt, one of the best the lot had held.

Gold met silver, as he kept his eyes on the bike when he spoke, softly as if considering the bike as a picture of grace as much as I do. "I saw the look on your face when you saw these, in Alice's mind. I imagined you would highly enjoy owning one, and I was in need of something to redeem myself for my actions."

If only you knew why I had a fascination with these powerful vehicles.

That brought about a question in me. "I thought you didn't regret invading my personal property?" There was a teasing, but icy, tone to me. I still wasn't very thrilled that he'd took it upon himself to read that very private letter. The look of desire on his perfect face as he gazed upon my present, and I was suddenly struck with inspiration.

I knew how to get closer to Edward, without him realizing it was I that was doing it. He was intently studying the motorcycle anyhow, so I closed my eyes, withdrawing into myself. I knew it would only be a spare moment to him, and I could finish this without him realizing I had any involvement in it. I looked within the fountain of my unique power, throwing out a small hook visible to myself only, gaining a small part of Edward's mind reading ability. I stored it in my 'box' for later, pulling out the vine that contained Heidi's power. I had some apprehension to manipulating Edward, but it needed to be done. I planted the thought deep enough in his mind that he would consider it strongly and end up following through with it, but not deep enough for him to know it wasn't his own thought. I came out of my coma-like state, after what felt like a long time, though in reality was not even a second. My eyes lost their glaze in time for Edwards liquid gold orbs to slide up and meet mine.

"Oh, I don't. But I anticipate it's better for everyone if you and I are not constantly playing juvenile games of trying to anger the other, so I am stopping it before it happens." He gave me a small, cocky grin at this, though I knew he was being honest. I almost scoffed at his words. but stopped myself.

I suppose he is right.

I turned my attention back to the bike, and I knew I had to thank him. "It will suffice."

I looked to him after that, and saw that he was taken aback by my words. He had been expecting me to accept it immediately, and his face held surprise, and a hint of nervousness.

This made me chuckle softly, and I gave him a small, devilish grin with my perfect white teeth. "It was a anecdote, Edward. I am grateful for your gift, and your apology is accepted. But I warn you not to repeat your actions."

I was rewarded with a small, sincere looking smile, but it almost immediately, so fast I wasn't positive it had been there, changed into that ever-present hard sneer he seemed to have quite frequently these days. It bothered me, a little. I grieved the crooked smile that used to make my knees weak and knock the breathe right from my lungs. Why had he changed so drastically? My eyes drank in the sight of him. Tight, smooth tan pants made of leather that left nothing to my imagination, a tight black tee shirt that did the same, along with those same black unlaced boots. He was absolutely, almost mouth wateringly _sexy_ like this, but I still was curious as to what brought it on.

But those thoughts were for another time, and I refocused on Edward. He seemed to be scrutinizing me, the same way I had done to him. "What?"

He chuckled softly. "You're hardly dressed for a midnight ride."

I examined myself, and as his words hit home I saw that he was indeed completely correct. I had on the same layered, fringy black skirt that fell to my knees and diamond black fishnet stockings as I had earlier. My upper body was clad in a deep purple, authentic corset with straps that covered my shoulders, that pushed my breasts up, enticingly but not in a overly suggestive way. My pale, creamy skin looked as if it were glowing in the moonlight, and a few inches were added to my height from my favorite witch boots. My black and fluorescent pink locks fell in loose waves, cascading to the small of my back.

I looked to the man I once cogitated my angel, and shrugged. "Well, it needs gas and such, so I could not ride anyways."

Edward grinned at my words, holding his hand out and dangling keys from his fingers. "Full tank."

How darling. He'd put a key chain of a little gothic looking fairy on the key ring.

I couldn't stop myself, and smiled beatifically back. I reached out and took them, jingling them softly in my palm. They felt nice. "Well, I suppose I can take it out a bit tonight?"

Edward simply nodded, and I turned towards the house, excitement bubbling up inside of me. Heading into the house, and routed my way to my room. Once there, I swiftly pulled off my skirt, stockings and heeled boots, changing into a brand new pair of Seven jeans, keeping my corset on. I felt naked without some sort of corset, most of the time. It had just become my trademark.

With poise, I rooted through my well organized closet, a mollified smirk rising when I found the objects I had been searching for. My team of subjective designers came in handy. I had a personalized leather jacket, with my signet of BS initials on the back in silver, royal blue and dark purple colorized metal studs, as well as a zip up front that went to right below my breasts, molding perfectly to my corset. I left my hair down and flowing, and slipped my small, faultless feet into boots similar to those I had been wearing previously, but these were thicker and tied up to my knees, with steel toes on the inside and a flat heel. I tightened the laces around my jeans, and stood.

My attention was caught by the mirror, and my crimson stare flickered to the glass. I smiled to myself. I looked like quite the bad ass, right now. Perfection, as per usual.

I hurried down the steps, and back to the outside of the manor. I found Edward still regarding the bike with interest. I came to a halt a few feet from him, and his attention shifted to me. "Would you be horribly objective to me riding with you?"

Again. Edward and his fucking surprises. If I had a beating heart, it would have stopped.

My mouth twitched, wanting to fall open in shock, but I put a stop to it. I pursed my lips slightly, pondering this option. Since I had arrived, I had avoided Edward at all times, except those needed. He was somehow managing to best me in this, and kept catching me off guard. I was slightly bitter about this. But...Did I want Edward riding on a bike behind me? His hard body pressed to mine? I would have to stay in complete control, or risk revealing myself and placing my flawless plan in jeopardy. Did I want to put myself through that sort of effort, just to have his company?

Of course I did.

In a somewhat surprised, pleasant voice, I answered. "No. Join me, if you wish."

His eyes sparkled in surprise at this. Had he been expecting me to reject him? I ignored it, though, and moved to my bike.

A peculiar look crossed his features when he took in my appearance. Approval? Longing? Desire? I must have looked appealing to him, as I would to anyone, but he once again hid this after only a split second, so I couldn't decipher exactly what it had been. I slid into place on the bike, feeling the absolute power of the machine between my thighs. I fought back a shudder.

It was absolutely exhilarating. And I couldn't wait to ride it.

My lips parted, readying themselves to ask Edward what was taking so long, but right as they did his lean, hard body slid into place behind mine, hands going to my small waist and gripping it gently beneath my ribs.

My eyes slid closed for a second, relishing his touch. That same burning sensation from before shot through me, and I felt the frost of his irrelevant breath hitting my cheek. I knew his head must be above my shoulder, but I precluded myself to find out.

Silently bracing myself for the thrill I knew would jolt through me, I slid the key home, turning the ignition and gripping the throttle.

Edward and I were jerked forwards, the wind whipping our unguarded faces and undoubtedly blowing my long, silken hair back against him.

The breath left my body when his arms slid fully around my torso, underneath my own, and I automatically leaned back against him. He didn't react to this, that I could tell.

I concentrated on where I was driving, and I noticed a large mass of green. A forest. I headed for that, steering my shiny new machine onto a path. I drove down the path, simply enjoying the feel of Edward's body, coupled with the pins and needles of elation at the high speed we were shooting ahead at.

It was making my slightly dizzy at the heady sensation of it all.

And though every inch of my was utterly aware of Edward's proximity, a memory of a dark, towering boy kept flashing into my mind. The inexplicable urge I'd had to cycle was now quenched, only to leave me longing for more.

I was unsure of how long we rode for. But the sky was tinted a slight pink color when Edward finally spoke.

"Go back."

His lips brushed the shell of my ear when he spoke, and it literally sparked chills down my spine.

I didn't question his motivations, and turned my bike in the general direction of the Cullen residence. I didn't need a navigational device to tell me the correct way.

Edward was tense behind me, and I could not fathom why. We hadn't spoken, so I couldn't have said something he didn't wish to hear. It must have been something he himself was mulling over.

I quickly delved into my meditated state for one solitary second, finding within myself the tendril of Jasper's power I had taken a short time ago. I didn't attempt to change Edwards emotions, only to feel them.

Mystification. Desire. Anticipation. Excitement. Guilt. Grief. Yearning. Uncertainty. Misery.

Love.

That shook me, and I straightened up. Love for who? Certainly not for me.

His emotions were scattered, and kept changing. It was difficult to interpret. Did he feel guilty simply being on a motorcycle in conjunction to me, while he was in love with another?

I concluded that must be it, and my demeanor hardened.

He was sending me mixed signals, and it was angering and irritating me, to say the least. I would not relinquish my control to him again, or lose my senses. I would not.

As his family estate came into view, I slowly eased my foot off the pedal until it slowed enough that I could stomp on the break. I was highly irate at this point, and wanted to be away from him. I stood, jutting out my foot to put the kick stand in place, and taking the keys in my hand. I turned on my heel and began to make my way towards the house.

"I'm going to get my own."

Edwards soft words followed me. I froze, before turning to face him, my facial expression completely blank, from practice.

"That's nice."

His eyes moved up to mine, now. He was standing beside the bike with one hand on the seat, and my eyes consolidated even more. His brow furrowed slightly in confusion, before smoothing completely. "Well, that way I wouldn't have to ride on yours, and it would be nice to get out of the house more often to do such a consoling and peaceful activity. Maybe it's something you would like to join me in?"

Once again, my jaw wanted to drop. Why did he seem to be able to completely bewilder me, at any given time?

That annoyed me, along with his words. Those fucking mixed signals again. "Make up your mind, Edward. Either you desire my company, or you do not. The vibes I was receiving from you on our little ride told me the opposite of what you're saying now."

He thought carefully for a moment, and looked like he was going to give me an answer. Then he reverted back to his former persona, and I could have quite literally thrown my 'present' at him for his arrogant, cryptic words.

"Why so hostile, Miss Suicide?"

Something in me snapped, then. He was so _infuriating_. "Why won't you call me by my fucking name, Edward? Would you like me to call you Mr. fucking Cullen all the time?"

Silence.

I waited a few moments, and he just continued to stare at me with a new, cold tint to his gaze. I'd struck below the belt on that one, I knew. I knew why he wouldn't refer to my by my first name, but I wanted to test him. To play him, like he seemed to flawlessly play me. To make him into the fucking toy he had viewed me as, before. Well, **no more**. I was in control now. I was playing him like a pawn. He had no idea who I was, and he wouldn't know until _**I**_ decided he could.

When it was clear he had no intent on answering me, I cursed softly. "You know what I've decided, Mr. Cullen? You can take your fucking apology bull shit and shove it up your ass."

I threw the keys with as much strength as I possessed, knowing even if it had made collision it would have no effect on him. But it was the spitefulness of the act that sustained me.

I aimed for his head.

Without blinking, his hand flexed up and caught the keys with ease. He looked at me, puzzled. "What the hell was that for?"

"YOU! You being an arrogant, confusing, fucking frustrating BASTARD!" The words exploded from me without a second thought, my voice rising to an unbelievable pitch on the last word. Huffing, I turned to the house and stomped into it. I heard nothing, but felt the presence of all who resided here.

They had heard it all, there was no way they hadn't. I stormed into my room, a frustrated scream leaving me, and it only took me a short while to realize I did not belong inside right now. I opened the window in my room, jumping out and landing graciously on my feet, running into the forest.

I needed to _**kill.**_

Not because I was thirsty. No, I was not nearly thirsty enough to hunt. I had no need to hunt, i had my own personal containment of a variety of blood.

But I needed to make something feel _pain_. I had to release this fury inside of me. I had a feral, primal emotion overwhelming my senses right now, and I could think of nothing else but killing.

As I flitted through the trees, a blur to any naked human eye, I let my vampiric senses overtake me, body shaking. Smell, sound and sight.

**Run. **_**Run.**_

**Heartbeat. ****Blood****. Life.**

**Kill. Kill. Drink. **_**Kill**_**.**

My head whipped in the direction of the poor, unsuspecting deer, and in a single length of one heart beat I had snapped it's neck bone, viciously tearing into it's throat with my elongated canines. The thick, rich liquid slid down my throat, and my eyes closed in euphoria.

The monster in me was practically purring in content, while the rational part was slightly frightened. I had never reacted like that before. It was a bit unnerving.

Complete satisfaction radiated from every pore in my body.

I stayed in that position for a few moments, staring down at my knees. I'd ripped my jeans in my haste to jump on the deer, right on the thigh. Of course, my skin remained flawless.

I looked up to the sky, seeing the first rays of sun peeking through.

I felt better, now. And I knew I had to return to the house.

Return to him.

Bitterness rose in me at this. He was messing up my plans, and making me less sure of my actions every day. I'd given him seventeen years to forget my pathetic past, enough that he wouldn't run should he find out it was really me.

Worthless, naive, minute Bella Swan.

I hated her. With everything I had in me, I hated that insolent child I had once been.

And I would make myself into something better than her.

I would make him see me as something better. Something worthy.

A defeated sigh emitted me. I would have to return before the sun rose, and I was at risk of a human passing by and capturing a glimpse.

I took in the vision of myself, that I could see. Ripped, dirtied jeans, kneeling on the leafy forest floor with a dead doe at my feet. My eyes fell to the doe, and slight remorse filled me. But I was a predator, she was a prey. That was how the world worked.

I was just beginning to rise to my feet, when a soft voice came from the trees behind me. I had been so involved in my own thoughts I had not sensed another presence.

"It's a wonder you haven't revealed yourself and all of us, with that temper of yours."

* * *

Authors Note ;; Alright. I pretty much hate this chapter. I don't like how I wrote it, I don't like the flow, I just don't like it. Maybe it's because Edward and Bella haven't really spent time together yet, in Suicide Girl, and it's quite necessary for them to do so for me to continue. I figured this would be the best way, but I just don't know if I like it. But if i change it any more it will never be posted. My apologies if I disappoint anyone, but I seriously drove myself crazy over this.

And a few things I want to cover.

The song in the last chapter, was not one of Bella's. It was an angry song she was listening to, to kind of make herself feel better, justified. I know I can do much better than that, but that song fit her mood right then. Trust me, she will be having some new songs, much much more fitting to her new personality. That song was simply a song she was listening to, and that's it.

Another thing. Bella may seem less calculating and prepared right now, but it's necessary as well to get to the point needed. The point of that, is that being around Edward more and more is breaking down her defenses, and he's unpredictable to her, which causes delays and bumps in her plans. She is very unhappy about this.

As I said, if you don't like this chapter, I understand, because neither do I. But I suppose it's now or never, eh? I am actually very excited right now, because I have almost the rest of this story completely planned out. It will be a decent length, but not ridiculously long.

Also, a humongous thank you to by savior, Kristina. I never would have gotten through this chapter if it wasn't for her, so thank Kristina, guys! As well as Queen Cocaine herself, for reading the entire, insanely long message I sent her last night about the plot. She deals with a lot from me.

Oh. And, this story has completely abducted my thoughts. I was at work tonight, and I kept looking to my left, and the paperback copy of New Moon was there and I just could not stop thinking and plotting for the life of me.

So. Who followed her? What do they want? Stay tuned! Review, please. Whether good or bad, I appreciate it. I really am discouraged by the turn out of this chapter, but I promise future ones will be much, much better.

-LollirotXoX


	13. Chapter 12 Blush, Blush, Blush, Blush

**Authors Note;;** Alright. There is something that people keep commenting on and it's bothering me to no end. People are reviewing me, and Queen Cocaine still, saying how it's Jasper that's from the south, not Emmett. Well, I have some news for you. Look Emmett up on Wikipedia, or just Google that shit. Emmett is from _**TENNESSEE**,_ and if you all hadn't noticed, _**THATS IN THE SOUTH**_. Jasper is from the south, yes, but as is Emmett. So just shut up about that because it's bothering me.

But in other news, it seems everyone liked my last chapter, Yay! It grew on me, now. I re-read it a few times, and I like it now. Gah. **We're getting closer and closer to 200, guys! Thank you, all of you!** They really do inspire me to write! The day after I posted my first chapter of this, I checked my e-mail and I had over 150 e-mails between, favorited , alerts, and reviews! Keep 'em coming! And I know that this whole mysterious plan may seem drawn out...But that's the point of that story. So that, when it's finally revealed, you guys can be like WHAT?!

By the way, I really apologize for the two week wait. I've been ridiculously busy, and Queen Cocainewho inspired me to make a stripper based off of her made my computer and my muse hate me, so I couldn't write! BLAME HER!! Haha x3

Enough of my rambling. On to chapter twelve!(Sorry if the formatting is fucked up. I'm trying to fix it, but it being stupid!)

**Disclaimer;;** I don't own 'Redlight District' by Porcelain and the Tramps, or 'Ghostflowers' by OTEP. But I highly suggest you download/buy them, they're amazing! I'll be creating a playlist for this fanfiction soon, that you can listen to and enjoy while you read!

So without further adeu...

* * *

Vanity rules us all.

Mortals, and immortals alike, it is the single strongest emotion in every life form.

Humans revolve their lives around vanity. The limitless amount of money spent on perfecting their skin, hair, make-up. The endless shopping, and evolving their fashion tastes. Beneath it all, they all just want to please the eye of another. Dolling themselves up for a night out, preparing for hours to appear appealing to a loved one. They just want to be noticed, respected, glamorous.

Vampires are naturally opulent. Visually alluring, physically flawless, and containing natural abilities to seduce our prey without much effort, we are perfection.

Comical, isn't it? How when I myself was a mortal, I thought it odd for anyone to be so vain, so conceited. But in all reality, I was hypocritically the same.

Vanity is the very core of every intelligent being.

And by finally understanding this, it allowed me to relate to an individual I once was intimidated by, almost more than any other. The very person standing directly behind me.

I turned to face her as I spoke. "Yes, I am surprised as well."

"You really should learn to control that," Rosalie replied, her beautiful face cast in shadows from the wide trees surrounding us. Her long, flowing blonde hair blew softly around her in the wind, and though to this day I was struck by my own beauty, hers still managed to leave me almost breathless.

"How much did you see?" I inquired, rising and lifting the doe into my arms, where it's limp, lifeless body hung morbidly.

A sad smile. "Everything. I heard everything, as well." I knew she meant the conversation Edward and I just had.

"I apologize." I inclined my head slightly, tipping it towards her and causing my hair to curtain my cheeks. My eyes wandered, searching for a suitable place to discard and disguise the corpse residing in my embrace.

"I know a proper place to dispose of it. Come." Beauty simply radiated from her, even in her angelic voice, and I was so mesmerized I didn't think twice before falling into step with her. I had no indication of our destination, but I wasn't receiving any hostile vibes from Rosalie. Had I been mortal, I would have been petrified. But something about her in this moment...

I felt at ease. And that was something I could honestly say I had never felt around this particular vampire.

We didn't speak for quite a few moments, but Rosalie must have decided she disliked the silence. "He doesn't mean to be such a dick."

So blunt, as usual. It shouldn't have surprised me, but her casualness proved that this type of bold vocabulary was customary for Rosalie. A small smirk tugged at my lips. "Yes, he does."

A beautiful, beguiling laugh followed by a flirtatious head toss. "Yes, yes he does. But what I meant was, he wasn't always such a prick."

I was quiet. No, he wasn't always such a prick. What had caused it? It certainly couldn't have been Bella Swan. After all, my preceding mortal self was only ever a play thing for him. Nothing life changing. Rosalie seemed unfazed by my lack of response and as we continued on our walking, she continued speaking. "As much as I hate to admit that the ever tortured Edward is anything but a selfish asshole, he does have his reasons."

"It is not my place to ask you to tell me Edward's past, Rosalie."

She shook her head. "No, Bella. My brother has quite a few skeletons in his closet, and it..." She smiled a bit. "Well, forgive me for saying this, but it seems like there's more than tense resentment and forced friendship between you two."

I didn't know what to say to that. What could I say to that? I could admit I had feelings for Edward, and just not tell her the extent of them. I could deny it. My calculative mind would have concocted a few other possibilities, but Rosalie, as I was quickly noticing as a habit for the unbelievably stunning vampire, could not remain patient. "You don't have to say anything. I just know these things. And I feel you should be warned. There's been quite a few incidents in Edwards past. He's not as perfect as he deems himself to be. Edward has given in before, he's killed and tasted human blood. He's done things that some wouldn't believe. But none of this is of any importance for you. You do, however, deserve to know of his past romance."

My heart clenched. How a dead organ could do that, I didn't know. But I knew I could not bear for Rosalie to dismiss what I had once been as nothing. I knew she would. I knew I had meant little to Edward, and Rosalie must have known this as well. Was that why she hated me so, before? My head whirled as I jumped to speak, spitting out the first thing that came to mind. "Alice mentioned on our New York trip that your clan stayed with another vegetarian clan in Denali."

Another beatific smile. "Ah, yes. Dear Tanya. She was, to say the least, interested in Edward. She held an interest for Jasper and Emmett as well, but not nearly as much as Edward. His wit, and distance, intrigued her. I believe that under it all, Edward was at least slightly interested. She was a challenge to him, you see. She challenged his every thought, and that inspired him to do better. Be better. But alas, he never loved her."

While listening to Rosalie speak, a sick feeling arose in me. So Edward had been interested in another. No doubt Tanya had been just as mythically gorgeous as Rosalie, or Alice. My beauty was very different from theirs. My beauty was intimidating, forceful, and haunting. There was a lump the size of a baseball in my throat, and I forced the words out. "Who did he love?"

A wistful look overtook Rosalie now. "I thought he loved a human, once. But I have my doubts, now. How could you leave someone you love? Leave them unprotected and alone. Call me vain, but I could never leave Emmett, no matter the reason."

Oh Rosalie, if only you knew.

Her tone and facial expression bewildered me, and my stomach joined my throat in it's act of tying itself into a knot. I knew she was talking about Bella Swan. But I didn't speak, and allowed Rosalie to continue.

"Her name is inconsequential, but ironic."

Something in her eyes as she glanced at me right then...Suspicion. Did Rosalie have an idea of who I was?

She couldn't have possibly recognized my scent, none of them could have. I saw to it that I was frequently doused in perfume, as well as enough make-up to disguise me, even though my features had been naturally changed regardless. And Bella Swan would never, ever dress this way.

No, there was no way Rosalie, or Carlisle, or any of them for that fact, could know.

"It was a short lived fling, and he left her for his own reasons, he says. Though I can not understand his logic, I can't say I'm not grateful for it. That brazen child almost ruined us all." Rosalie sighed, and I hadn't realized I was hanging on to her every word until she came to a sudden halt and changed the subject. "Ah, here we are."

I had been so focused and intent on Rosalie's words, I hadn't been paying the slightest bit of attention as to where we were located. We stood on the edge of a slight cliff, and as I looked on, I saw deep, bright blue water for miles. "What is this?"

"It's a quarry, a rather large one. Odd, for London, no? But it's the closest thing to an ocean for miles on end. There's creatures in there that closely resemble sharks, and if they don't devour the remains of that corpse, if it's found it will just be assumed that it fell in and drowned." Rosalie motioned for the precipice of the cliff, and I glanced to her. My breath almost caught in my throat.

The sun now shining directly on her porcelain like skin, I had never quite seen anything like her. If i had thought she was beautiful before, I could horribly contradict myself now. Rosalie was a goddess in physical mass. Her skin glinted rainbow prisms in the sun, accentuating her beauty to the fullest. Her hard, golden eyes stared directly at the quarry in front of us. Her hair whipped around her face, not gaining the slightly tangle from doing so. She stood tall and proud, statuesque and magnificent as anything I'd ever seen.

Except for Edward, glistening in the sun just as she was.

I snapped out of my stupor and attached my gaze to the water once more, and leaned forward a bit. Good thing the poor creature was dead. I effortlessly tossed the carcass over the edge, letting it fall down to the depths below, brushing my hands on my jeans. They were ruined now, anyways.

Rosalie sighed lightheartedly, and tilted her head back, enjoying the gentle breeze. I averted my eyes, not wanting her to notice my awe of her immaculate perfection. How odd, Rosalie still had an effect on me that no one else seemed able to accomplish. "Mmmm... Well, I suppose we should head back. Emmett is probably wondering where I am." She gave me a crushingly gorgeous smile.

I nodded, and we walked back in a comfortable silence. I was still astonished that Rosalie had been so..._nice_ to me. Then again, she didn't really know it was I that she was speaking to. I supposed it didn't matter. This is who I am, now.

Forever.

* * *

I refused to let my sight wander as we returned, though my traitorous orbs wanted to roam far and wide for him. He was no where to be seen, but I knew he was in the vicinity. I could smell him.

At our entrance, a very large blur whizzed past my face, and suddenly Rosalie was pinned to the wall, held up by her massive husband. Like hormonal adolescents, they instantly became oblivious to anyone else in the house and loud, sloppy kissing noises echoed off the walls. I rolled my eyes and fought off a grin, heading towards the stairs.

The smacking stopped for a split second. "OI SUICIDE! Arm wrestle me!"

A smirk rose, and I didn't even change my course, almost to my room as I answered, "Maybe some other time, Emmett."

"Ugh!" I heard a scoff.

"What? Rose, I've been wanting to challenge her since she got her-"

"Shut up!" And the smacking resumed.

My thoughts were still swirling around my contemplations and theories of how the world centered on vanity, and how Rosalie was a prime example of what those wishful souls out there want. She was that impeccable, unattainable perfection that all mortal females desired to appear as.

Entering my room, I unceremoniously, yet somehow still graciously, slunk onto my bed. I preferred beds, to couches. Another difference from the Cullens. I noticed the tremendous difference in appearance my room had, and very nearly laughed out loud. Alice must have gotten to it. Staring into the swirl of black and hot pink abyss, I could almost hear the clicks and turns of my brain as it pondered.

Assuming the correct position, I slipped into my meditation like state, releasing the tension from my muscles. I had things that needed to be kept up with, after all. I searched through my inner 'box' filled with various powers. Each of the Volturi members that had arrived at my dressing room on that talk show, along with a few select others. Just because I had existed in solitary, did not necessarily mean I hadn't entwined paths with others. And taking a tendril of their power, without them noticing, comes so easy for me.

I found the power I had been searching for, and prepared myself for the feeling about to take me over. My nose twitched slightly, and I resisted the urge to sniffle abhorrently.

As the feeling I'd experienced a few days previous washed through me, I paid rapt attention to what unfolded before my eyes.

I saw a rather mediocre looking waiting room, that appeared to belong to an airport. The sounds of take off and landings were loud in the air, and the dead energy of the place hung in the atmosphere. A patently beautiful Asian vampire stood with perfect posture, dressed now in modern day Asian clothes. A red headed wild looking, feline like woman that had once given me chills stood a few feet from her. Close enough to know they were they together, but far enough to keep personal space. Both glanced to the ceiling as it seemed to announce something.

__

"Flight 152, Dallas, Texas to Florence, Italy set for take off in ten minutes. You may now board your flight."

Withdrawing from my stolen vision, I smiled. Excellent. Everything was flowing perfectly.

My hypersensitive hearing picked up on a faint humming coming from my right, and I glanced over to see my slim, hot pink lap top resting innocently upon my desk.

I'd began to feel...at home, here. It was alarming.

As restless and ill-entertained as I was, the simple, relaxing concept of aimlessly browsing the web appealed to me. I glided over to the soft chair placed in front of the desk, and snapped open the top. Opening a web browser, I entered 'Google' into the address bar, and began typing in random words. Vampire. Vanity.

Beautiful.

The images that infested my screen then were astounding, and one drew me in. It was titled 'Bridget the Midget'. After seventeen years of being one of the walking dead, it took quite a bit to throw on bombshell me. But these photos of a midget stripper, simply amazed me. She was actually very beautiful, but the fact that there was such a thing as a midget stripper... Never would have guessed.

I followed the next few images, unable to stop myself. They enticed me. One specific girl drew me in. Mimi Fuxalot. Very subtle name.

She had long, sultry black lock that fell to her slim waist line in loose curls, with wide, green eyes containing specks of grey. In every picture I came across, they were darkly outlined. In the current picture that had captured my attention, she was clad in a silver, buttery looking naughty corset that ended around the bottoms of her ribs. The fabric in the front did not connect, and was held together by loosely tied black strings. Her bust was pushed up, and separated, with shimmering glitter sprinkled over her collarbone. A black leather skirt highly resembling the one Rosalie had worn when I'd gotten my first glimpse of her in Vanity Fair, barely covered her curvaceous bottom. Hot pink, double layered diamond fishnets wound up her shins, ending at her milky thighs. There, they were held in place by a silver garter belt, tauntingly out of view. Pure florescent yellow stilettos heightened her by a few inches, and her soft features were highlighted by smoky shadow and an over appliance of blush.

She was striking, in a slightly trashy, yet seductive way.

On her website, the strip clubs she would be gracing with her presence over the course of the next few months were listed. Some had two in one night, some more. Mimi apparently had a reputation to give more than a lap dance behind the scenes. I shook my head sadly.

How could anyone ever resort to that type of life? It was honestly beyond me. How could any respectable woman lower herself to that? Sure, dancing around a pole and making hundreds of dollars a night was a perquisite. But it was simply degrading what some women put themselves through to get their hands on some money.

While I was considering all of this, a tune started forming itself in my mind. A seductive, slightly up tempo rhythm that I could not ignore. I quickly dug around the surface of the hard wooden desk, locating my parchment and pen almost instantly. I scribbled down the notes closely resembling what was playing in my head, as this sound didn't require a guitar. I would have to use the synthesizer on my computer for this one, which would not be a problem.

When that task was complete, I set to work on writing the actual lyrics. It only took me a few minutes, as an odd inspiration was streaking through me. The words flowed out, with the image of Mimi Fuxalot in my photographic memory.

I relinquished my grip on the pen when I had finished, and shifted my gaze back to my lap top, getting the programs I needed open in no time. After about twenty minutes, I had use my vampire enhanced speed of course, I had a full score. Now I just needed to add in the vocals.

I dug out the attachable microphone, and set up to begin recording. I inhaled, my lungs would need to be filled for this.

And I let loose, and my voice filled up the hollowness of the room, with rays of sunshine glimmering hopefully.

I pressed the play/record button.

* * *

"_Nine inch heels come marching in  
To please a black tied dirty old man,  
Staring, sweating, barely caring, slurring, "Break me in"  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
She'll give it up if you wanna pay up,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
I know you want to,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
She'll give it up if you wanna pay up,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
She's waiting for you _"

* * *

I was picturing it in my mind as I sang. My pitch changing slightly for each word, drawing out the note when needed. I made sure my voice was perfect, better than any mortals. Anguish filled it, as usual, but also something new. A tormented, haunting growl like-scream at the refrain. **((A/N;; That means the 'blush blush blush blush' part))**

It was peculiar that I was writing a song about a stripper, yes. But something about the desperateness about these woman called to me.

If I had been human, blood would have been gushing through my veins, due to my would have been accelerated heartbeat.

I didn't need a mirror to know my eyes were blackened. Adrenaline pumped through me, and my voice rose. Confident.

* * *

"_Girls and boys in the Redlight District,  
You can watch her spin round a pole just like a beauty queen,  
Boys and girls in the Redlight District,  
Take you to my private room,  
I'll make you dirty boys blush blush blush blush  
I'll make you dirty boys blush blush blush blush _"

* * *

As before, I felt his presence outside my door. He didn't speak, didn't move after his arrival.

Just listened.

I was sustained by this. The possibility that her would hear the pure talent of my voice excited me for some reason, but it didn't make me lose a beat.

* * *

"_She makes her way in to your pocket,  
With fake eyelashes that she flashes,  
Crawling to you on her bruised knees,  
Kind of makes me think that she'll give it up,  
Give it up, give it up,  
She'll give it up if you wanna pay up,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
I know you want to,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
She'll give it up if you wanna pay up,  
Give it up, give it up, give it up,  
She's waiting for you,_

Hello, hello dear sir,  
I've got something for you,  
Look in my hand, I've got a couple of pills. Pop 'em.  
I'll make you feel hot and your wife feel horrible  
I'll make you wanna, make you wanna,  
I'll make you feel hot and I'll make you feel right,  
So I'll spread my legs and just let go, "

* * *

Blush blush blush blush, indeed.

I had written that particular line for a reason. I remembered how embarrassing it had been to blush for Edward, for the simplest reasons. He had seemed to enjoy it.

He would never see me blush again.

Joy followed at that thought. I was not that person anymore, I kept reminding myself. Being near the Cullens might distract me, and bring back the pain of losing them all, but it would not dislodge me. i would have my way.

I could relate to these stripper women, in a way. I had gone from shy, ordinary and forgotten, to bold, extraordinary and famous.

And I'd done it all, with one force driving me.

* * *

"_Girls and boys in the red light district,  
You can watch her spin 'round a pole just like a beauty queen,  
Boys and girls in the red light district,  
Take it to my private room,  
I'll make you dirty boys blush blush blush blush  
I'll make you dirty boys blush blush blush blush  
Blush blush blush blush  
I'll make you dirty boys blush blush blush blush."_

* * *

As my last note faded to silence and I clicked the 'stop' option, applause resounded behind me. I didn't need to turn to see who it was.

"Bravura." Velvet even sounded nice when is was mocking me.

Scowling, I saved the file, and snapped my compact P.C. closed. I faced him now.

"Is is possible for you to not be a ostentatious prick?" I growled, red glaring accusatorily into molten gold.

Chuckling, Edward motioned towards the door. "Follow me, please."

That arched an eyebrow, and earned a scoff. "What, did you buy me another fucking bike?"

Rolling his ocher orbs and getting impatient, Edward snapped. "Just follow. I have a suggestion for you."

I was hesitant. Had I not followed him only hours earlier and it had led to near disaster? Hadn't he nearly infuriated me to the point where I was a literal danger?

But his eyes were sincere, and I knew deep inside me that, Swan or Suicide, I could not deny this man a single thing.

I rose suspiciously, and followed him to a large, thick cherry wood door. Opening it and not sparing me a glance, he moved to something out of my view.

It did not surprise me that there were small differences from his old room, different furniture. but nearly everything other than that was the same.

The carpet was still that shaggy, thick material as it had been seventeen years ago.

Gold.

Standing next to the edge of the bed, I absorbed the sight of his room. The scent, his wondrous scent. My eyes stayed zeroed in on his tall form as he pressed a button on the stereo I would have once thought to be ridiculously large, but now thought to be essential.

I was surprised when my own voice assaulted my ears.

* * *

"_And she's a killer, she's a keeper_

_Am I blurry in your vision?_

_Was I just a poor decision?_

_Cut me open with precision_

_And we'll finger the incision_

_Tell me what have I done_

_To watch you lose control"_

* * *

"You have my album?" Another delicate eyebrow arch. This shocked me. Edward seemed to spiteful towards me, and condescending towards the music of mine that he had heard so far, to own my album.

A smirk, accompanied by a weightless shrug. "Alice owned it. I was curious."

"And the point of you playing me my own music that I could recite while unconscious, Edward?"

Another smirk. "I think you could improve something."

"Oh?"

* * *

__

"She's picking ghostflowers from her soul

She's clipping the wings of fallen angels

She's picking ghostflowers from her soul

She's tonguing splinters of broken halos

****

You will know me by the scars I bare

You will know me by the hate I swear

You will know me from the scars I BARE

YOU WILL KNOW ME!"

"Right there." Edward announced.

After, really listening, I saw his point. "The guitar?"

"Exactly." That earned me a half smile.

I shrugged, and he turned the volume down slightly. "I'll look into it."

"I highly suggest you do." Edward offered. I nodded.

"Nice room." I praised. The gold carpet looked comfortable enough. I turned to my right, towards his closet in my closer scrutinizing of his living space. It was so eerily similar to his old room it unnerved me a bit.

Though the fact that he had a bed was odd. I turned to get a better view. My Edward had owned a lush leather couch.

But before I could register the sight of the bed, I had to cut off all activity of my lungs to halt the gasp that was struggling to escape my lips.

Staring down at me from directly above Edward's headboard, was a sight I had hoped to never see again.

Bella. **Fucking.** Swan.

* * *

Authors Note;; The end! Kidding. Ha. I don't really think there's anything wrong with 'Ghostflowers', but it was needed for the plot. And before anyone flames, there are a few things I'd like to say. Keep in mind, Queen Cocaine does read these chapters, as well. And before I write almost anything, it's given the okay with her first. I use my own ideas, which start as seeds that she basically waters and together we are actually scary, so we've been plotting and that's what's taken me so long! As for the whole Bridget the Midget thing...blame her, as well. Completely her idea! We're basically plotting together, based off half of her ideas and half of mine, but I'm the writer, with an occasional sentence or paragraph from her. And a direct quote from the Queen, to avoid flames, "It's not really a filler cos it does show an insight into her brain and not everything has to be about plot."

Any who, **REVIEW! SHOW ME LOVE!** For it is 5:30 a.m. and I stayed up all night ti write this! I have updated!! Plus two songs! We're almost at 6000 hits now, and almost 200 reviews! Yay! If I don't get good reviews or at least a good hit count, I'll be sad! (By the way, I made a poll o.o)

_**Hush! I'm looking it up. Hill.**_

Don't ask, inside joke.

xD

-LollirotXoX


	14. Chapter 13 Mind Games

Authors Note;; This song works in its own way, you just have to really think on it. I'll explain, if you need me to. I got over 1000 hits in the first day of posting chapter twelve! THAT'S INCREDIBLE. And I told myself I'd post the next chapter as soon as the review count hit 225, and currently we're at 221! Four more! I seem to be doing this often, setting a goal for when I post chapters. LONG CHAPTER AHEAD! YAY! Hopefully I get some good reviews!

The show must go on! Oh and the plots are inserted in these chapters, there's just very subtle hints. It'll all make sense eventually And I think we all want some Edward/Bella action, no?

And I have a special surprise for you! For all of those that have missed her, give her a well deserved applause! Queen Cocaine has made a guest appearance! She helped me write a scene I needed help with ) The fight scene is a mix of hers and my work. We wrote it together, Yay! I felt it was about time she popped in )

_**Hey guys! Long time, no see, right? I see from your reviews (And yes, I'm THAT nosy) that you're all loving the fan-fucking-tabulous writing of the beautiful but deadly Lollirotxox. I am. Huge, HUGE fan. She's so totally awesome that I talk to her like every day on msn. We plot together. Fun shit. Anyways, as promised I have returned to you all in the form of helping writing some of the scenes in this chapter. As well as a bit of BETA-ing. Not that she needs it. I hardly changed anything, so I suppose I can't really call myself a BETA. Heh. Soo…I hope you enjoy this chapter, fight scenes ahoy! It's totally baddical so I want you guys to review/fav/alert my darling-est girl Lolli! You stay classy, ff . net!**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**xoxo **_

Disclaimer;; I do not own 'Lose Control' by Evanescence. (Me and Queen Cocaine have a bit of an obsession with Amy Lee, have you noticed? )

* * *

Control was essential to my new life.

Without it, all that existed in my world would crumble. I could not prevail. Seventeen years of careful, precise practice had gotten me to the point where I could control almost any situation I was put in...

Which is why Edward was really starting to **piss. Me. Off.**

Staring me dead in the face, was the one thing I despised most.

Bella Swan.

It was a portrait, at least four by six feet in size, and while I soaked in the sight of it, my brain kicked into overdrive to calm myself down. A torrid of emotions were flowing through me, and I had to keep the strict stop on my lungs to hold off my would-be labored breathing. Painted in soft acrylics and outlined with a sharp metal frame, it was... Gorgeous, reluctant as I was to admit it. In the bottom left corner, was a curvy, elegant signature that I could decipher perfectly. Esme Cullen.

What the hell would possess Esme to paint a portrait of that idiotic child?

But looking upon her, though disgust rose in me, I noticed Esme had highlighted features of my former self, making her look almost beautiful. Almost.

Gentle, sparkling brown eyes that were too wide for their own good, betraying the naivety and gullible nature within. Pink, curvy lips that held a plumpness I highly doubted I had possessed as a mortal. Prominent cheekbones with a slight blush staining the skin, and a tight jaw line, though not nearly as perfected as my immortal look was. She was perched on the soft bed of dirt in what was the Forks version of the Cullen house, though it was out of view. Surrounding her was a beautiful bed of flowers, that I remembered vividly from the single summer Edward and I had spent together. Colors galore accentuated the environment around her, and the sun shone down on her pale skin, glinting off her long, chocolate brown locks and a timid, yet large smile lit up her face. The portrait was viewed from what would have been behind her, and her head was turned to the right, her body facing just enough to the side that I could make out the sloppy assets that had once been my own.

It made me sick.

Silently praising myself for preparing for the worst so many years in advance, I slowly allowed my lungs to resume their humanly function. I forcedly drew in a seemingly normal, shallow breath and in an artificial calm voice asked the question that would lead me to some answers.

"Who is she?"

I felt Edward shift slightly behind me, and I got the feeling that he was oddly comfortable answering my question. " A girl I once knew." His voice held no emotion, and was flat. I did not like it. I yearned for the soft, silky tones that made me shiver in excitement. But as well as making me long for what used to be, his tone also succeeded in reminding me of my anger and I had to fight to keep the biting frost out of my tone. I made a small acknowledgement sound, and finally tore my gaze from the cursed painting. Swirls of colors were making me dizzy, and looking at that insolent girl was repelling me. Forgetting the original reason I'd faced this way, I turned to face Edward.

"And where is this girl?"

Edward was silent. Of course he couldn't answer that, because he had no idea where Bella Swan was. I changed my question after a few moments without an answer. "Why is she not here?"

"I left her." He said quietly, his eyes avoiding mine as they stared pensively at the painting.

Did he keep paintings of all his pets? Or just the ones he left?

"Why?"

Still not turning his stare upon me, he spoke in that same discreet voice. "I had my reasons."

How frustrating could one man possibly be? Rosalie had said the same thing. I knew that piece of information already. Time to push. "Well she couldn't have been that important if you left her."

A growl emitted from him, and his golden eyes pierced me. "You know nothing. Leave."

A smirk rose. I'd successfully infuriated him, and it please me. I know nothing? Oh, sweet, foolish Edward, I know more than you realize. I moved to the door, intending to exit, and calling back malevolently over my shoulder. "Have fun staring at your little pet."

My hand reached for the doorknob.

In an instant, I was up against the wall with it shuddering violently behind me from the brute forced of my stone body being slammed into it. Enraged, scorching eyes bore into my rubies, while hard marble trapped me against the wall. He was faster than I remembered.

A feral snarl met my ears, and his mouth was only a few inches from my own. "You shouldn't speak of things you know nothing about."

Vindictively, I snapped in retaliation, "You should watch your manners."

His upper lip curled back over his teeth, and he growled. I felt every inch of his body against mine. Every. Single. Inch. "Don't push me, Bella."

Sneering, I jerked my chin up. Staring straight at him with a indigent spark within my eyes, my voice was strong and sure to coincide with the smirk playing along my lips, challenging him. Waiting.

"Maybe I want to."

A savage snarl ripped from Edward's perfect lips, his face warping to what would have been a frightening grimace of power. His hand slammed up next to my head, indenting the structure and making drywall crumble beside me, successfully trapping me between his arms. "You enjoy pushing me, don't you?"

I deliberately ignored our closeness and reached up one long finger, delicately flicking a spec of plaster off my cheek. Indeed, I was enjoying playing with him. I couldn't resist jeering him a bit more, seeing what his limits were. "Ever considered anger management classes?" I taunted. "You have quite the temper there. Is that what happened with that girl? Humans are fragile...So easy to break."

Another ferocious growl and my marble back slammed against the opposite wall, shattering that as well. It stood no chance against my stone body, but that didn't mean the action didn't anger me. I glared at him, crimson on ocher. He stood, straight, proud and livid, hands shaking in his fury.

"How dare you question me of my past! You have no right! You have no fucking idea what you're talking about, so stop acting like you do!" Edward's rough, angry voice rang out as he lunged at me. I'd never seen him this angry. It thrilled me.

I decided to push him a little further. I wasn't as frail as I once was and I'd never seen this side of him. Now we were on equal footing. Both vampires, both indestructible stone warriors. I could, and would, handle anything he threw at me. I knew my eyes were gleaming and if blood flowed through me instead of venom I knew I would be flushed with exhilaration. I ducked under his lethal form, dancing around him as he hit the wall with an almighty crash.

"Never knew a vampire to be so clumsy." I laughed.

"Fucking bitch." He spat and seized me by the throat, lifting me up easily to his height. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't snap your head off and burn it."

"Mmm," I licked my lips languishly, reaching forward and running my hands through his hair, digging in slightly and tugging the bronze strands erotically. "I love it when you talk dirty to me, Edward"

That threw him off enough for me to loosen the grip he had on my throat with one hand. I leant my weight on my back leg and tossed him casually into the portrait. He went right through it with a rip while the frame crashed onto the ground loudly.

His look of horror cut into me a bit, as he stared at the now ruined painting. I felt gratified, knowing it was destroyed. But he rebounded swiftly, his head snapping towards me and his luscious lips curling back once more, teeth glinting and chest vibrating from the low growls rumbling from his throat. He jumped at me again, and I decided in a split second to let him collide with my body.

We fell back on the floor, the ground shaking violently as if we were about to collapse through it to the floor below. I smirked, and ground my hips up into his, catching him off guard once more. His eyes widened, and then narrowed. He entwined his fingers in my hair, easily finding grip in the silken strands. Pulling my head up beside his, he snarled softly, dangerously, in my ear.

"Don't do that again. Ever."

I laughed quietly.

"Do what? This?" I ground myself into him once more, unashamed of the fact that I quite enjoyed the sensations of electricity that shot through me. I knew he felt it, too. His grip on my hair tightened and he shoved down, slamming my head into the ground repeatedly. This was getting fun. But I hated being below him, it was time for me to take control. I lifted my leg up, bringing it against his side and flipped us over with ease.

"Play nice, Edward." I pouted, straddling him. I raked my nails down the front of his chest, feeling the taut, hard muscles beneath the silk shirt. My black polished talons ripped through the fabric with ease. I could feel his pants getting tighter beneath me, obviously aroused by the sexual, angry tension surrounding us. Who thought Edward could actually get hard? Not me, that was for sure. Obviously little Bella Swan didn't excite him enough.

But then again, who would be aroused by a pathetic little doll?

I rode him, my hips rocking back and forth against his while his hands gripped my hips hard enough that had I been human he would have shattered them. While doing so, I felt his hardness grind against me. A shudder ripped through my body. I heard the sound of his teeth grinding together and laughed. "Getting a little bit excited there, Cullen?" I wriggled on him and his whole body tensed up. I threw my head back, the black and pink tumbling down my back, arching it.

I didn't see his hand until it was too late.

With one strike he threw me off him. I hit one of the metal posts of the bed hangings and the whole thing shuddered and crashed around me. I stood up, throwing the heaps of metal, wood and fabric off me. Shaking the pieces out of my hair, I went to dust myself off - and stopped dead. A huge rip went along the front of my corset, it was unsalvageable. My eyes narrowed as I turned to him. Playtime was over. "You _bastard._" I spat, "This was my favorite corset!"

His answering smirk only served to anger me more than I already had been. The tantalizing velvet tones fueled it more. "I told you not to push me."

I tackled him, pinning him to the ground with a shudder. My fist dove into his perfect features, doing no damage but it was the thought that counted. He was now my personal punching bag. "You. God. Damn. Arrogant. Vampire. Asshole" I hit him in time to each word. I could feel him shaking beneath me.

Laughing.

He was fucking _**laughing**_.

I back flipped off him, landing in a crouch beside the ruin of the bed. He was up instantly, bent over in mirth. My anger grew. Madly growling, I now lunged at him, landing on the remains of the portrait with me snapping my teeth at whatever part I could reach. He was prepared though, and pressed his forearm against my throat, holding my attempts far off enough that my venomous teeth did not fall in contact with him. I went wild, and my dagger sharp fingernails began clawing at whatever part of his body I could reach, thrashing about as I did so. I was in complete control of myself, despite my untamed appearance, and a snarl ripped from me once more.

His free hand entangled itself in my locks once more, snapping my head backwards as his own teeth fell against the nape of my neck, pressuring them there but not hard enough to break the granite skin.

I froze.

He took advantage of this, slamming me back against the wall once more, turning me around in the process. His hard body pressed firmly against my back, and I could still feel his arousal pressing against my lower back. Hand remaining buried in my locks, his lips just grazed the shell of my ear as he spoke. "Stop."

I stiffened, not liking the position of inferiority he'd put me in. I attempted to turn, and he allowed me to do so, releasing his grip on my multi-colored hair. But his body did not move one inch. I stared defiantly up at him as I spoke two immature, provoking words.

"Make me."

And if I had a heart, it would have stopped. His eyes shone, and he did something that I had missed so horribly, his doing it now made me ache. He grinned at me.

The beautiful, crooked grin I hadn't seen in over seventeen years.

My breath caught, my fists tightened. Though my heart was not beating, my chest clenched as if it was as I unconsciously leaned towards him.

An odd look came over his flawless face, and his forehead crinkled slightly. Desire shone through his eyes. He leaned down, slowly, torturously slowly, and my eyes slid closed as he shifted his stance, closer to me. Electric current sparked between our lips, and I knew it was only a mere moment before they touched.

That moment never came.

After a few seconds, I cracked one ruby eye open, to see a tortured expression contorting Edward's face. My eyebrow rose, followed by my hand, landing softly on his cheek.

He flinched, and backed up, eyes falling to something below me, out of my vision. I glanced down, a cold scowl rising. I stood on the remains of the painting of Bella Swan.

"Get out." He rasped. His voice was choked, rough. He turned away from me, hand rising to pinch the bridge of his nose, and moving to stand by the window, resting his forehead against it. When I didn't budge an inch, he spoke again, in that strained, emotional tone. "Please, just leave." His body was tense, wound.

I didn't utter a single word, turning on my heel and exiting.

I stormed to my room for the fourth time that night, slamming the door obnoxiously behind me. My head was spinning from everything that had happened in this one single night, and it disgusted me. I needed to let it out, needed to repay him. How dare he!

I bit my lower lip to keep from shrieking, flopping down and replaying the events in my mind as my hand scrambled on the nightstand top to find my iPod. I located it, stuffing the headphones into my ears and prodding the play button, turning it up so loud that even with my vampire hearing, it drowned everything else out. The haunting, creepily beautiful sound filled my ears as I huffed angrily, still recapping the events.

_You don't remember my name_

_I don't really care_

_Can we play the game your way_

_Can I really lose control?_

Until I reached one vital event that I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed at the time.

He'd called me Bella.

Not Suicide, or Miss Suicide.

Bella.

And that offended me. He couldn't call me by my name any other time, but after confronting him about precious little Bella Swan he could? I was _**not**_ about to stand for that.

The fact that we'd gotten so close, the burning desire I'd felt within me inflaming from the build up since that glorious night at the hotel... Our lips had been just about to meet, and he let guilt over that craven little imbecile prevent him? Ridiculous! Utterly absurd! She was nothing but a simple pet to him, what sway did she hold to his actions?

_Mary had a little lamb_

_His eyes black as coal_

_If we play very quiet my lamb_

_Mary never has to know._

And that was when it hit me. The perfect way to exact my revenge on Edward. I didn't want to hurt him, in any permanent way. Just to...play with him a bit.

Like he'd been doing to me.

As cruel as this idea was...It would also satisfy my urges. I needed some sort of physical contact with him. And if what took place between us earlier was any indicator, he did as well. I'd felt him pressing against me, whether he'd been ashamed of it or not. And his choked tone as I exited... I'd only do it, just this once.

This little side plan was perfect.

* * *

The fact that Edward had gone out for a bit to clear his conscious was perfect. I went to my closet, digging out the small four by four box that held my darkest secrets. This box was also password protected, this password three times as long as the one for my blood bank. I entered it fluently, shifting through the contents. News clippings of my death, the photo album that was in as perfect condition as it was when I'd first attained it, the reminders of my parents, the CD Edward had made me...

And exactly what I was looking for. The blue shirt Edward had always said he loved on me. I was careful with it, and it reeked of my human self. The smell still pungent after all these years.

I quickly stuffed it into a plastic bag, as to not alert the rest of the Cullens. No doubt they would know that scent. i moved, lithe and silent as a ghost, to Edwards demolished room. It would, no doubt, be repaired within the next few days.

The window of Edwards room informed me that it was twilight, almost nighttime. Edward would be returning soon, so I had to hurry. I hid the plastic bag in the ruins, knowing he wouldn't bother himself with sifting through the rubble. I was gone as quickly as I had came, and I waited silently in my room for my next stage to commence. With remorse, I took off my tattered, favorite corset, and sadly dumped it in the garbage.

After an hour or so, Edward returned, and the sun was completely down. He went quietly to his room, and an excited smirk was plastered on my face. He turned his music on, blaringly loud, and my smirk widened. Even more perfect, the other residents of the house hold would not hear this. I snuck out of my room, creeping stealthily to the grounds outside, glancing up at Edward's window. It was open.

I hopped up through it, seeing him lying on his back on the bed with his eyes closed, moonlight shining on his god like form.

He looked like an angel.

I crept over to where I'd hidden the blouse, tugging it on and, before he had time to register the scent, plunged into my own mind, digging through my 'box' within until I found the power I'd taken from one of the unsuspecting Volturi guards. The power of illusion.

In the millisecond it took me to do so, by the time Edward's eyes flew open and he shot straight up with a look of absolute confusion on his features, I tilted my head and smiled gently. It was painful to do so. But to uphold the image, I complied.

"What..." He gasped, his voice so low that a human would never have even known he spoke. I glided to him, hand held out. I fought the urge to smile wider when his eyes widened in terrified bewilderment, and I knew my power was working. I only had a certain amount of time to do this. I knew it was cruel, doing this to him. But I would gain my slight revenge, and get the answer I had to know.

"Edward..." I cooed, sinking onto the bed beside him, sitting upright.

Due to my borrowed power, in his eyes, I was Bella Swan in this moment.

"B-...Bella?" His voice was so heartbreakingly sorrowful I almost backed out. But I couldn't.

Reaching forward and placing my hand on his cheek, that would create an illusion of warmth within his mind, I caressed it softly with my thumb. I didn't speak.

His wide, golden eyes were glued to my face, his mouth slightly open. "How...?" He trailed off then, eyes squinting slightly as he drank me in. His next words were so soft even I barely heard them. "I've gone insane. I must have..."

His next action surprised me. Crushing me to his chest in a tight embrace, he buried his face in the hollow of my neck, shaking slightly. "I don't care. I'll take it."

My hand rose and stroked his hair, nuzzling into him ever so gently. "Edward, I-"

"No." He cut me off, still not lifting his head. "Don't speak, please love. I just want to feel you..."

My words died in my throat. How could I deny him that? I would give him his wish, because hopefully by doing so I could get my answers. I held him close, emotions that I'd been pushing down trickling into me again.

I blamed her.

Inhaling his tempting scent as his hands cupped my cheeks, my eyes slipped closed as his lips finally met mine. Shocks sparked through my veins, and my skin tingled. I'd missed this.

But his kiss was much more gentle than it had been with me in the hotel. I supposed it was because I seemed human to him. Our lips moved in unison, and his hands caressed my cheeks lovingly.

After a few moments, he pulled us backwards, to rest upon the pillows, he surprised me once more in an act of submission. He placed me on my back, ever so gently laying against my side with his head resting on my breast, eyes closed in concentration. I knew the illusion was allowing him to hear my heartbeat, and as false as it was, I allowed it. We lay like that, his hand stroking up and down my side sending jolts of longing through me with every touch. It stayed this way for a few minutes.

Confusion blinded me. Why was he acting this way, as if he...loved me? He couldn't have...I had no doubt he had some semblance of feelings for me, but he couldn't possibly have loved me. The silence was killing me.

"Edward...I need to ask you something."

He nodded, but did not lift his head. He words were so open and eager to please me. "Anything." He whispered.

"Why did you-"

But of course, as fate would have it, the illusion began dimming at that exact moment.

My words stopped short, and I jumped up. I had to get out of there, and I headed for the window.

"No!"

My wrists were grabbed in a vice like grip, and I whipped around to face him. "Edward, let go."

"No, Bella, please!" He pleaded, his eyes terrified. I had never, ever seen him so vulnerable, and guilt began eating at me. "Not again..."

That did it. My face twisted, and I jerked my hand away, leaping out the window and to the grounds below. I shot, faster than a bullet, through the trees, to the nearest river. I heard the water streaming less than a mile away, and I made it there in mere seconds, diving in. I ripped the shirt to shreds, cursing.

"Fuck! Fuck!" I sank under the current for a moment, letting it jerk me, so as to get Bella Swan's scent off of me. I let the shirt go, and watched as it tumbled down to the depths below. Breaking the surface, I gasped in a breath that I didn't need and leapt out of the stream. Shaking off, I ran back to the house and through my own open window, peeling my sopping jeans and black bra off my body. I slipped into another newly acquired pair of Seven jeans, though they were a lighter color with hand-made rips here and there to portray my 'fuck the world' persona. I pulled on a tight fitting black tank shirt, that had scraps of purple and white striped fish nets falling over my upper arms. I left my hair down.

My mind was racing. I'd successfully manipulated Edward, and satiated my growing urge.

Hopefully I hadn't scarred him in the process.

I doubted it. After all, he could make himself feel as guilty as he wanted...

Bella Swan meant nothing to him.

When the sun was up, I finally emerged from the confines of my bedroom, going downstairs to join the others. I glanced outside, and saw that it was cloudy, but bright. The sun would burst through the clouds at some point.

My foot hit solid grounded at the bottom of the staircase, and suddenly a blur streaked in my peripheral vision., until it was directly facing me.

"Bella! Bella! I heard your song last night, I loved it! I'm so excited!" Alice giggled and she bounced up and down.

I chuckled, and returned her enthusiasm with a smirk. "I'm glad you liked it, Alice. The people residing in this house get a very exclusive look at my newest works."

"I know! So what're you doing today?" She asked as we both headed towards the common room. I shrugged.

"I was considering going for another ride..." I informed her, and she eyes twinkled, reminding me of something. "I know it bothers you not being able to foresee things as far as I am concerned."

"Of course!" Alice laughed. "But it's nice to have a polite conversation. Well Bella, I'll talk to you later, I need to go plan Rosalie's wedding!"

"Rosalie's wedding?" I questioned, and Alice waved at me in a 'oops' sort of way.

"She and Emmett have a new wedding every few years." And with that, she was gone.

I laughed quietly, and went out the front doors to the garage, and was surprised to find someone had beat me to it. "Heidi!"

Heidi glanced to me. "Well Bella Suicide, I can confirm now that I do not understand you. I do not comprehend how you waste your time on such pointless mortal indulgences."

I shrugged. "And I don't understand how you don't feel remorse about eating people. We're even."

Mirth snuck into her gaze, and a tinkling, seductive laugh graced me. "Oh Bella, you are something else, indeed." Her features grew serious now. "Though I must tell you Bella, I'm growing awfully bored here. You've been busy and apparently have no time for me, and have subjected me to hanging out with that..." She paused, considering for a moment an appropriate word for Alice. "Ball of energy."

That made me laugh. "Oh Heidi. I'm sure I'll have a concert soon, and you, of course, will join me on my shopping to prepare?"

Heidi smirked at me. "But of course. Now, however, it is time for me to hunt, before the sun comes free. I suppose then I will do some excess shopping at a near mall, you may join me later, if you wish."

I nodded, though I knew I wouldn't. "Where the hell have you been, anyhow?"

Immediately a look at disdain crossed her face. "Wedding planning. A pointless _mortal_ ceremony." She spat the word as if she were cussing. "Why a vampire would waste their time on such a frivolous endeavor, I have no idea. We vampires mate for life. We have no need for such rituals just to prove our loves for each other. It is nothing but a waste of time."

I detected something else beneath the disgust in her tone, a trace of bitterness perhaps?

"You've never had a wedding, have you Heidi." I stated rather than questioned.

She shot me a look of pure Volturi scorn. "I have no requirement for such things. Aro and I have no need to prove our love for one another in an inane human rite." She tossed her luscious mahogany hair contemptuously in my direction.

"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, right?" I smirked. "Haven't you ever wanted a day where all attention is totally on you and no one else?"

She eyed me cagily. "I am the queen of the Volturi; I have all the attention all the time."

"But," I continued mischievously. "You don't get to wear a pretty white dress, do you?"

She looked confused. "I have many white garments."

I rolled my eyes. She'd never get the significance of a wedding. You can't teach an old dog a new trick. Especially one that's been around for five millennia.

"So, Heidi of the Volturi, up for some bonding time?" I tossed her my spare helmet.

She looked at it in bewilderment, then her gaze shifted to my precious bike and her features took on a look of loathing. "On that _thing_?" She looked utterly revolted.

"Of course not," I smirked at her. "You can ride Edwards."

* * *

Authors Note; A few things I'd like to cover. As for the cussing in the last chapter: I specifically addressed that matter, did I not? I stated how Rosalie spoke it with such ease it seemed like her normal language, which I think it would be. Rosalie is a very bold person. As for Bella cursing, if you haven't noticed, she is not innocent little Bella Swan. She curses, and that's it. Also, for the cussing in this and future chapters; Edward IS dark!Edward. And she is Bella Suicide. It's just how it is. No hostility, just felt the need to explain that As for my updates... I spit out two updates in one week, when I first began. I can not update every single day. First of all, it's extremely hard to update good quality stories every single day. The quality would be horrible, because quality takes time, revisions, perfecting. Also, while this story has very well taken over my brain, it is not my life. I do have friends and a boyfriend and a family and other things to do, but I update whenever I can. I do also have other stories, you know!

Anyways! Did you like it? I think me and Queen Cocaine did a bang up job, if I do say so myself! Review! I updated in three days! We broke our record! Over 5000 words, this chapter is! We've never gone over 5000. Yay us! Show us love for an extra long chapter!

By the way, thank her for being an absolute nutcase because she made me update this faster. I was at 223 reviews and I said once I got to 225 I'd update, so being the crazy person she is, she used her 'update forcing skills' to force an update. Thank her for if it was not for her mental illness you wouldn't get an update for a bit longer!

Until next time! (which is hopefully soon)

-LollirotXoX


	15. Chapter 14 Beautiful Suicide

Authors Note;; This chapter will hopefully be worth the wait! I apologize, I really do. My goal was met about three days after the posting of the last chapter, but I just have had work so much, as well as other personal things going on, and on top of that a major writers block. I had no idea how to start off this chapter, plus I my muse just decided it hated me. I hope this will make up for it though! It has some of Dark!Edward/Bella Suicide fluff. Well, as close to fluff as they can get. Enjoy, review! I wanted to post one update, at least, before BREAKING DAWN! HELL YES!

Disclaimer;; Don't own anything, including 'My Curse' by Killswitch Engage, but I do own Bella Suicide

* * *

I live for thrills.

My motorcycle, my singing career, almost anything I do is for the thrill.

My back is arched into the night, and my head is thrown back in pure exhilaration as Heidi and I make our way up the Cullen drive, pulling to an abrupt stop. It was sad, but riding kind of turned me on.

It was the speed. The power.

It was heady.

I yanked my helmet off, that I only wore for show in case, by some odd chance, I got pulled over. We headed into the garage. Heidi had picked up quick on the basics, and kicked out the kickstand.

Edward must have gotten it when he was out, earlier. It was a gorgeous, giant, beautiful bike. Masculine in every way, and a sharp silver and black. Elegant, strong, powerful. It screamed Edward. They keys had been in the ignition, so it wasn't hard for Heidi to highjack it.

As soon as I removed my helmet, I distinctly heard an annoyed sigh. A smirk rose unconsciously to my lips, and I turned toward the source. Edward was leaning back on the newest model of a yellow Porsche, as it was the closest car to Heidi and I, that had Alice written all over it. His arms were crossed loosely across his ribs and he looked irritated.

Good.

It was about time I pissed him off, instead of the other way around.

But as irritated as he was, he had a sad glint to his eyes. Had I affected him more than I thought possible, will the stunt I'd pulled only hours ago? A twinge of guilt stabbed me right in my gut, but I straightened up, hardening my face. He deserved it.

"Hello, Edward." Heidi greeted, before I had a chance. She stood at her full height, and somehow managed to look down her nose at Edward, even though he was taller than her.

"You took my bike." He accused, glaring at Heidi slightly. Heidi gave him a grin of pure Volturi pride, and laughed under her breath, heading back into the house. He let her go without another word, turning to me instead and challenging me with his glare. "I don't recall giving you permission to take Heidi out with my motorcycle."

As much as he was trying to look angry, a little smile was playing at my lips.

He looked like a pouting child.

I couldn't help it. I stepped forward, bringing the my hand up to run that back of it over Edward's cheek, butterfly soft. "Upset that I took Heidi on what was supposed to be our thing?"

Edward flinched back from my touch, fingers flying up to grasp my wrist, sending shocks through me at the mere contact. "Don't."

His voice was not strong, arduous and arrogant as it had been the past few days. It was choked, and as his eyes bore into mine, they were dull. Lifeless. Hard, tortured gold instead of molten ocher. I didn't like it.

Poor Edward. He had seen his little pet and now he was pulling this whole tortured soul bull shit. I scowled, and yanked my hand back to my side. "As you wish."

I turned on my heel, and perched upon my motorcycle once more. If he was going to be falsely emotional over s human that hadn't even mattered to him, I was not about to stick around and watch. Not bothering with my helmet, I kicked the bike to life, twisting the throttle and immediately roaring out of the garage.

If I didn't know he would never do such a thing, I could have sworn I heard him call out for me to wait.

* * *

After riding through the woods by my lonesome for hours on end, the sun was brightly shining high in the sky. No clouds, today. No rain. The sky was pure, cornflower blue and the rays of warmth glinted off my skin. I would never get over that particular aspect of being a vampire.

The day I had seen Edward in the meadow, under the sun for the first time...He had been beautiful to me before that, but in the sunlight, with the sun sparkling gently off his skin, he had looked like a God, stepping straight out of the sky. That image was burned into my memory, for all of eternity.

I was going through trees that seemed to get a bit thinner in bunches, when I heard the roar behind me.

I knew I wouldn't crash, so I whipped my head to my left, to see the foundation of the noise. Edward grinned half heartedly at me, revving his bike to match my own. I couldn't resist, and grinned right back.

We didn't speak, just rode beside each other in silence. We rode for an immeasurable amount of time, before I glanced at my gas monitor and noticed that if I didn't stop soon, I wouldn't be able to get the bike back to the Cullen's. I could easily carry it, but that was frivolous effort that need not be exacted. I caught Edwards attention, and waved him over to the side. I took in our surroundings. The beautiful, rich green trees, of many different kinds. The earthy, aromatic scent that hung in the air. While appreciating this scenery, I glimpsed a clearing ahead and I headed for it, stopping right as we broke through the trees.

Right into a perfectly symmetrical, circular meadow.

My breath caught in my throat as I slammed my foot on the break, coming to an abrupt halt. I heard Edward do the same, and his irrelevant breath caught as well.

Memories crashed into me. This meadow looked almost exactly like the one he'd shown me seventeen years ago.

I glanced over at him, sitting back in my seat. He had stopped only mere feet from me, and I could clearly see the pained expression on his face as he stared at this place we'd discovered.

His forehead wrinkled, and he looked at me. My breath disappeared once more. His eyes were smoldering, agony reflecting back at me. I felt like he was looking right through me.

Right into who I truly was.

It struck me then, how this must be bringing memories back for him as well. He'd been there that day, just as I had been. It may not have meant as much to him as it did to me, but he had been there nonetheless. He'd felt the warmth of my flesh as I'd traced my soft, human fingers over his skin.

He looked seconds away from fleeing this beautiful place, and his body was coiled enough to spring at any given moment. I got off my bike, stepping hesitantly towards him. "Edward, are you alright?"

He looked torn between moving to me, and retreating. His mouth opened and closed twice, before strangled words finally escaped. "I-I can't be here..."

And with that, he was gone.

I scowled, turning and kicking a tree. "Dammit!" I screamed, turning back to my bike as well as Edwards and scowling. But as I took in the visual of his motorcycle, a patronizing grin rose. He had forgotten his bike.

He would be back.

* * *

I had been laying on my back, nonchalantly relaxing with my arms folded behind my head. Ruby eyes closed, I was deftly enjoying the warmth of the sun, when I sensed it. Smelled him.

He was mere feet from me, standing in the shadow by where the bikes were lifelessly perched. I didn't move an inch, not wanting to give him any indicator that I knew he was there. He remained silent for a few moments, before finally speaking.

"You were right." Was the musical greeting I received. I opened my eyes slowly, and made a show of stretching out leisurely, like a cat. I would not let him see how eager I was for him to talk to me, and by the tone of his voice; defeated, quiet, saddened, I knew he was about to. I moved lethargically, sitting up and tilting my head a bit, arms bent behind me for support.

"As I usually am. But enlighten me, what was it you wrongly assumed me incorrect of?"

He didn't even flinch at my cockiness, his head hanging down and eyes fixed on the ground next to me. He still resided in the shadows of the ever looming pine, oak, and other various trees. "She was human."

My chin rose fractionally. "Who was human?"

"The girl in the painting you destroyed." His voice held only sorrow, mourning the loss. Not even a hint of anger tainted it.

"Oh?" I asked, prompting him to continue while trying to sound casually interested. In reality, I was itching for him to continue.

He sighed, and stepped forward, into the sunlight. My breath was knocked straight from my lungs at the sight. Soft, shining bronze hair, sunlight shimmering off the hard line of his jaw, I felt my unbeating heart jump into my throat, choking me and preventing me from speaking. He wore a white button up shirt with the sleeves cut off, with dark brown leather pants that fit him like a second skin. I could see the curve of his every thigh muscle, and I longed to reach out and skim my icy fingers over it. His eyes lifted, desolate topaz eyes speaking a thousand words I could not comprehend.

Laying gently beside me, he dug something out from his pocket, laying it in between us and fumbling with the iPod. I raised my eyebrow as my own music floated into my mind.

"It's Alice's, but I borrowed it for the ride." He shrugged. "It's on shuffle." He mimicked my previous stance, folding his arms behind his neck and resting the back of his head against them, and his eyes closed. I was sure the sunlight felt just as wonderful to him as it did to myself, and I felt a brief sense of satisfaction that I finally understood a piece of what Edward had felt in the meadow all those years ago. I could relate to his contentment of feeling the heated rays on his stone skin.

And then we talked. We talked for so long I lost track of time. About cities, music, fashion today, society today.

Everything that could be talked about, we talked about.

"Did you see that remake of The Phantom of the Opera, in 2004?" I asked, staring at the sky.

"I did. It was very..." He paused, as if looking for the right words. "Modern."

"I enjoyed it."

"As did I, but I'm old fashioned. I like originals."

The irony in his words were not lost on me.

I laughed it off, though. I found myself laughing more on this day than I had in years. True, genuine laughter, not mocking or cold like I usually laughed. Every second I spent with him, I yearned for him more.

"Horror movies?" He questioned, obviously wondering my opinion.

I grimaced. "They've gone to shit. Even with all the new technology, no one is coming up with their own ideas. They just keep remaking the classics, making them fancier. When the beauty of a classic, is that it is a classic."

"Well said." Edward praised, shifting. His hand brushed mind, and I knew he felt the tingle that shot through me like a bullet, as well. I knew Edward had some sort of reluctant interest in me. Now I just had to make it something more.

We lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, a silent understanding hanging between us, before Edward finally spoke, velvet rubbing on my ears. "Who was that letter about?"

I hesitated for a moment, concluding what to say. I couldn't be flat out honest with him, it would ruin everything I've worked for. But I could twist the truth.

"A man I once knew. He left."

_"I watched you walk away_

_Helpless, with nothing to say_

_I strain my eyes_

_Hoping to see you again_"

I found it ironic this song of mine had come on, while we were having this particular conversation. I'd written this, as well as Angels, about Edward himself. All of my songs had something to do with him.

"Funny, how I was forced to leave the one I love, while you were left." Edward mused. He had no idea how his words stung me, and I bit the inside of my lip inconspicuously. It bothered me the various affects Edward had one my emotions.

"I suppose so. Would you like to talk about her?"

"Would you like to talk about him?"

"Point taken." I said, returning to my previous posture and copying Edward's comfortable pose.

That same comfortable silence hung around us, and I was silently wondering when I'd lost my edge. I was supposed to be cold towards him, but intrigue him all the same. It seemed the more time I spent around Edward, the more aspects of Bella Swan arose in me. I would never be that loathsome craven child again, I was Bella Suicide now. But parts of her were resurfacing, and I was unsure if I resented it, or was grudgingly grateful, seeing as Edward seemed to be around me more now.

"_This is my curse (the longing)_

_This is my curse (time)_

_This is my curse (the yearning)_

_This is my curse_"

After a few moments, Edward cracked.

"She was the most radiant, exquisite creature I'd ever seen." He whispered, moving to lay half on his side, half on his back, facing me. His gaze was fixed on his hands, joined on the soft grass by his hips. His shirt was riding up slightly by his left hip that wasn't pressed into the grass. It exposed a half inch of creamy, pale skin and I ached to reach out and caress it. He didn't seem to notice. "She made me feel alive. I hadn't felt any emotions other than familial love, for so many years. I had felt complete within myself. But when we moved, and I found her...My world was turned on end, quite literally."

I listened intently, completely enticed and transfixed.

He was silent for a few moments, before continuing. "But as beautiful and unforgettable as it was, to had to come to an end."

"Why?"

"A human mistake." His words cut me, deeply, and I fought the urge to flinch. So I was a mistake, then? His words confirmed my suspicions, he had loved one of the Denali clan. What was the name of the one that had felt for him? Tanya.

He had been in love with Tanya the entire time he'd been with my pathetic human self, and he regretted being with Bella Swan because he must have lost Tanya over it.

I was such a fucking idiot.

"_There is love burning to find you_

_Will you wait for me?_

_Will you be there?_

_Your silence haunts me_

_But still I hunger for you_"

But, as much as it stung, I didn't want him to love Bella Swan, anyways. I wanted him to love Bella Suicide, and I'd be damned if he wouldn't.

"I will always love her." He told me quietly, as if he thought I needed confirmation.

Yes, but you'll love me more. I swear it.

I decided to brush off this topic, before it got deeper than needed be. That would be very, very bad. I gave him an encouraging smile, wishing for him to break free of his melancholic mood. "So it looks like we have a wedding to attend in the near future."

A wry smile was my reward, followed by a low chuckle. "So it does. Rosalie and Emmett have had so many I stopped counting at thirteen." He looked at me now, a soft, crooked smile rising. "What made you decide to become a rock sensation?"

I shrugged, reciting the practiced answer. "I was bored. Solitary, independent existence isn't all it's cracked up to be. After my other left, something in my just clicked. I began writing songs, simply to let them escape from my mind, and eventually it festered into something much bigger than itself and I picked up guitar as well as began to singing. Eventually, it just led to gathering some back up players."

He nodded, and I shifted to imitate his position. He was silent for a moment, before asking, "Why Suicide?"

"_This is my curse (the wanting)_

_This is my curse (time)_

_This is my curse (the needing)_

_This is my curse_

_There is love burning to find you_

_Will you wait for me?_"

I smiled at that one. If only he knew. "It suited me."

"Bella Suicide..." He tested my full name on his lips, and it struck me then that he'd never spoken it fully, aloud. I stopped my lungs, and stared into his eyes that were making my ceramic bones turn to goo.

"Beautiful Suicide." He murmured, golden eyes sparkling and his cold hand rising and he used the Italian translation of my first name. If I had been mortal, I was sure my heart would have pounded itself straight out of my chest, as it seemed the world slowed to slow motion as his thumb softly brushed my cheekbone. Electric current sparked through my veins, and all the nerve endings in my body seemed to center around that place where his flesh contacted mine, leaving me breathless as his molten eyes bore into mine. All thoughts stopped as he spoke.

"It does suit you."

My eyes widened, and my mouth opened slightly. Everything inside of me froze, and I couldn't seem to find words to respond to that. I was absolutely speechless, and that was a hard thing to do to me these days. Did we just have a moment? I didn't know what to feel. He had just been talking about Tanya, and his undying love for her, and I was utterly confused. Edward dropped his hand, and in the second it took him to do so, I slipped into myself, reaching within for my little box. I hooked the tendril of Heidi's gift, still staring directly into his gaze. I planted the suggestion in his mind, the only thing I wanted from him in this moment.

For him to be honest.

I had to know.

"This love of yours," I began when he dropped his hand. He stared at me expectantly, as if he knew the words I was about to speak. The intensity of his gaze shocked me.

"_Still I want_

_And still I ache_

_But still I wait_

_To see you again_

_Dying, inside, these walls_

_And I see your face in these tears? _

_In these tears_

_And I see your face...There is love._"

"What was her name?" I breathed.

After all the effort I had gone through last night to find out this simple answer, it was ironic that here, in a meadow so similar to the one we'd first admitted our love to each other in, I would receive it.

I fought to control my breathing, to keep it from being erratic. It would be a dead give away as to how much I was strongly anticipating his answer.

A soft smile lit up his face, and he looked down at his hands again. He was leaning on his elbow, and the sunlight framing his prism skin. He looked reminiscent, and...a slight bit of happiness tinted his expression.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He chuckled.

"Try me." I gritted my teeth after speaking. I needed to hear him say it. To admit that he had never seen Bella Swan as nothing but a toy.

His eyes lifted to mine again, and I almost got lost in them. Dazzled.

"Her name..." Edward paused, blinking, and looking down at his hands once more. "Her name was..."

* * *

Authors Note;; CLIFFIE! xD

Sorry. I had to.

Okay, I have a few things to I'd like to say, once again. I don't mind getting excited PMs asking me to please update soon, or reviews of the same manor, I actually love them, they make me smile and make me want to write. It's amazing to come online after two hours and have a hundred e-mails in my inbox consisting of alerts, favorites, and most of all, reviews! But as I've said before, I do have other things to do with myself. I have a long term relationship, friends, a job, and other fanfictions I'm writing, and in about a month I'm going to have school. It's not like I'm updating once a month. The longest I've gone so far in this story was two weeks, so when I get a review asking me **what my problem is,** it tends to piss me off. Do not threaten me to stop reading if I don't update soon, because honestly, I update as I write. If it takes me a bit longer to write, than if you like the story, patiently wait. I'd like to make something clear. I'm not WAITING for a certain amount of reviews to update, in the literal sense. I'm SETTING A GOAL to reach for each chapter, so the story gets enough publicity and readers as I'd like it to get. Basically, you can think of it as thinking enough people have read it. A lot of people do it, and if you're going to message or review me and be nasty or rude, don't bother reading this story because I don't want you to if you're going to be like that. I didn't mean to wait so long to update, this chapter just didn't want to be written yet, I suppose. I'm not saying you can't review going asking me to update or urging me, but don't be rude about it. K?

Aside from that, I wanted to update before Breaking Dawn, which is only mere hours away. Squeal. I have a new poll up, in my profile, specifically for Suicide Girl! I'm going to a concert tonight, so make sure I come back to lovely reviews!! I, as well as everyone else, will probably be wrapped up in Breaking Dawn for the next few days, but as soon as I get over whatever happens there and finish the book, I'll update again! Happy reading!

-LollirotXoX


	16. Chapter 15 Taking Center Stage

Authors Note; Holy shit, was Breaking Dawn fucking phenomenal or what? I was in complete shock through out the whole damn book! I can't even find words to describe it. It was so incredibly amazing.

In other news, Suicide Girl has met the half way point, about! I'm aiming for it to be about 30 chapters. Also, I wanted to say something (as I usually do sheepish grin). I am loosely following Queen Cocaine's plot line, as the major event and the 'plan' belong to her. I'm going to include that, but aside from that, most of these ideas are my own. Though she does help me plot x3 Big, BIG surprise coming up for you guys within the next chapters. I'm so excited. On to the chapter!

Warning;; A bit of stereotypical teasing here, no offense intended and it's not necessarily anyone's opinion. Just for the stories sake, so don't flame because it isn't even meant to say anything.

Disclaimer; Don't own Twilight! Or 'Bled for Days' by Static-X, 'Swing' by Savage, or 'Best of Both Worlds' by Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. My Abzlet made the crappy poem x3. As well as some random paragraphs as far as the auditions :)

* * *

"Her name was..."

My perpetual anticipation chewing a hole in my stomach was abruptly cut short by my cell phone's shrill ringing.

_"__I don't believe it_

_Fuck me, read me, get me(bled for days)_

_Smile on my rage _

_And I'm scarred by age_

_I bled for days"_

I rolled my eyes, fingernails digging into the satin skin of my palm in utter frustration. Whoever was calling was going to _**pay.**_

"Fuck." I cursed under my breath, shoving my hand into the back pocket of my jeans and retrieving the blasphemous device. I looked at Edward as I flipped the phone open, pressing it to my ear.

He looked slightly annoyed, as well. His jaw clenched, and his gaze had fallen to the meadow. I was sure he just didn't like being interrupted.

"What?" I snapped, into the little piece of metal.

"Bella fucking Suicide, where the hell have you been?" My manager's shrill voice rang out.

Of course.

Of _course_ Dana would so insolently interrupt.

"I'm busy, Dana, what is it?" I replied, evading the question. It was slightly austere on my flawless hearing when she shrieked like she had a tendency to do.

"I'm calling to remind you that you have a concert in a two weeks."

A involuntary, ruby eye roll. "I knew that, Dana."

"I know you knew that, Suicide. But I've been studying your music, as well as the label, and your fan base hasn't been rising, it's been staying about the same. We need something modern, something edgy. Something no one would expect."

That earned a thoroughly egotistical eyebrow curve. "My music doesn't fulfill their wishes?"

"No, no, no of course it does, but it's time we expand." She answered, slight fear entering her voice at the warning in mine.

Sighing, I laid back on the grass, closing my eyes. "So you want me to what, hold auditions asking for ..."

"Something unique. Leave it up to the auditioners to decide what they want to do."

I sighed once more. She had interrupted my moment of truth for this? Fucking managers. "As you wish."

And I snapped the phone closed. I cracked my eyes open, soaking Edward in. He hadn't moved the entire time, and I knew he was pondering the conversation we'd just had. And by the countenance on his face, I could also assume the profoundly intimate conversation was concluded.

Marvelous.

"Should we head back?" Edward murmured precariously, topaz eyes still glued to the grass. His index finger mindlessly toyed with the deep green blades of grass below our stone bodies.

"I suppose." I rose elegantly to my feet, gliding over to my bike and mounting it. Edward did the same, and I turned my key, igniting a vicious roar from my bike. He mimicked me, and we flew towards the manor.

Upon arrival, I hopped off my bike in the large garage, kicking the kickstand into place and leaving my precious ride in the corner, Edward's right beside it. Heading towards the door that led to the house, with Edward hot on my heels, I gritted my teeth in frustration. Was the world out to keep me from finding my answers?

No. I was going to get my fucking answer if it killed me.

I turned on my heel, mouth snapping open to free the question that desperately needed to be answered, only to find myself cut off by something hard colliding unexpectedly into my back.

The wall quaked behind me, as cold hands tangled in my hair and harsh, sweet smelling lips forcefully pressed against mine. I moaned into them, eyes closing and my own arms wrapping around his neck. I bit his lower lip, hard, causing a growl to erupt from him and his body pressed harder against my own. One hand raked down his front, my black polished claw like nails ripping the right side of his shirt to shreds. I was lifted roughly off the ground, and wrapped my legs around him as he pressed me even harder into the wall.

Our tongues mingled dynamically, and while his solid body against my own is what held me up, one of his hands seized my slim wrist, halting it in its trail down his body. Slamming it into the wall, making it tremble even more, he growled once more into my mouth. The taste of him was making my head spin, and I felt my body break out in trembles of it's own, matching the drywall behind me. His free hand was clutching my hip tightly, enough to shatter it had I been mortal. I gasped, and he pulled his mouth away, lips going to my throat and pressing hard, open mouthed kisses there, his tongue tasting my skin. I sucked in air like my life depended on it, and I moaned once more, refraining from letting his name escape my almost swollen lips. I didn't want a repeat of that night at the hotel room. He had pulled away that night when I'd muttered his name.

And I did _**not**_ want him to pull away.

His touches, already more brutal than I'd ever experienced, were becoming harsher by the minute. He pressed his teeth just hard enough into the curve of my neck, making me shudder violently and gasp. He brought his mouth back to mine, and this time his tongue plundered into the depths of my mouth exploring and taking his fill. His hand holding my wrist into the wall released it's grip, sliding down to cup my cheek in his palm, fingertips digging into my skull. Both of my hands wandered over his chest, feeling the toned, smooth planes and fire shot through my veins. I couldn't hold back anymore.

I pushed him backwards as hard as I could, a vindictive smirk rising as he flew through the air, landing on his back, legs sprawled, on one of the cars. It was the newest model of a black Hummer, that had Emmett written all over it.

Apparently, he'd upgraded from his monster Jeep.

I effortlessly hopped on top of him in less than a second, straddling him and hearing a metallic crunch underneath his body, and the steel of the top of the Hummer caved beneath my knees. Neither one of us cared.

He leaned his torso up, passion burning in his liquid gold eyes. It sent electric shocks though me, and my skin felt like it was buzzing with electricity. He was careful not to dislodge me, his hands clutched my back, and even though he was below me his upper body still towered over me, and he captured my lips, sucking my lower on between his own. I closed my eyes once more, gyrating my hips in a circular motion. I felt him now, pressing into the curve of my inner thigh, and he groaned, releasing my teased lip and shoving his tongue into my mouth, hands holding my hip bones in a vice grip.

Funny, how only a few days ago he'd snarled at me to never do this again. Ever.

And now, if his hands weren't pressing me down harder into him, I was Mary fucking Poppins.

In an act of wild, unbridled passion my hands flung him backwards again, fingers clawing down the hard muscles of his pectorals, making him moan and arch his back slightly into mine. I smirked in satisfaction.

So I did effect his as much as he effected me.

I decided to test the waters. See how deep I was allowed in.

My claws raked over his nipples, tearing clean through the fabric and making him hiss through clenched teeth, and his eyes closed as he pressed himself harder into my touch. "Bella..."

I purred lushly, leaning forward, giving him a sensual grind of my hips for good measure, and suddenly I was on my back, denting the hood in farther. It would fall through if we tested it much more.

His lips were on my jaw, hips grinding rhythmically into mine, brushing his erection against my most private area. I hissed as well, tilting my head back as his hand traced over the bone of my hip, tongue trailing the line of my jaw. Blazing hot current was sparkling through me, ignited further with every touch of his hand, as one arm was used to hold himself up. His nimble fingers brushed the bit of skin exposed from my shirt riding up, making soft sounds as he explored further, catching the hem of my shirt on his wrist and pulling it up, his hand coming to a rest over the mound of my left breast. His thumb forcibly flicked over my nipple, and I bucked. He chuckled into my throat, lifting his head to stare into my eyes, amusement and desire shining back at me. I had time to deftly wonder when he could have become so good at this, before all thoughts were pushed from my mind.

Because at that precise moment, his head lowered, and his tongue drew patterns of the top curve of my breast.

Panting, one hand came to rip at the bronze hair before me, while the other dug into the steel beneath me, piercing right through and curling into it. He continued, his eyes closing, making him look almost boyish as he suckled on my breast, his hand slowly sliding over my ribcage, making it's way to my back to, I assumed, unhook my black lacey bra, making my skin tingle on every single inch he touched.

One handedly, he isolated it, dropping it somewhere neither he nor I paid attention to, because his mouth immediately surrogated the discarded garment. My eyes almost spun back into my head as his cool tongue rolled over my tender flesh, erecting it and he gently bit the nub of it. My breath left me in a loud whoosh, and my fingers dug deeper into the Hummer, while my other hand almost yanked Edward's hair straight out of his head.

God, I liked this side of him.

He slender digits trailed over my flat, muscled stomach, creating delicious tingling sensations along the patches of skin he contacted. He traced the trivial, soft outlines of the abdomen muscles there, and he leaned his head towards mine. My eyes closed in anticipation, and our lips slammed together once more, moving in sync so harshly that it almost hurt. Our tongues mingled, and he began grinding a bit harder into me.

I wanted to be in control again, so I flipped him over once more, the roof whining stridently in protest and an obnoxious crack resounded through the garage. My shirt tumbled down to cover just my breasts, my creamy stomach still exposed and his hands greedily rubbed over the flesh. I arched my back, hands moving over his chest before gripping the lapels of his white shirt, ripping it open. He wore a black undershirt, and I growled in frustration. He grinned devilishly at me.

By the time I smelled it, it was too late.

Edward was out from under me and on his feet in a flash, grabbing my arm and pulling me with. I landed on my feet with ease, straightening up and hastily yanking my shirt down, rolling my eyes as I prepared for the taunting I knew was to coincide with this particular scent.

Emmett's booming laughter rang in my ears, as he flicked the light on. "What're you two up to in here?"

I cursed myself for have a momentary relapse of forgetting that we had been fooling around in a garage attached to a house filled with seven vampires, with undulated hearing.

"We were just...wrestling!" I covered, and I didn't even believe myself. Edward rolled his ocher eyes, and Emmett laughed harder.

"_**Sure**_ you were wrestl-" He stopped, his eyes widening as he took in his damaged Hummer. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?"

"It was a-"

"COME ON EDWARD, COULDN'T YOU FUCK ON ALICE'S CAR?" Emmett howled as he moved so fast I barely saw it to beside his beloved, ruined car. "Or your own? Don't take your sexual frustrations out on my Hummer!"

Edward grinned a bit bashfully, his hand coming up the tangle in his silken locks. "We were just wrestling, Emmett. Innocent, play fighting."

"Uh huh, sure." Emmett responded, following his words with a raunchy wink. Laying his cheek against the cool metal roof Edward and I had just occupied. "Oh, my poor baby." He moaned.

I rolled my eyes, heading towards the door that lead to the course. "I'll buy you a new one."

"You best believe it, sister!" Emmett called after me, beginning to inspect the damage and, no doubt, assess if his wife could fix it or not. I heard Edward move to follow me, and I stepped into the kitchen, where the garage door was located. I saw Alice, Rosalie and Jasper sitting around the large, square table, eyebrows raised and playing cards in their hands. Since when did they play cards?

Before I could even open my mouth to defend myself, I heard Emmett call my name.

"Bella!"

I growled in vexation, turning to face the still open door that Edward was currently stepping through.

I should have been prepared by the stupid, mischievous grin plastered on Emmett's monstrous face. "You forgot this from your little '_wrestling_' match!"

Before I could even react, he had aimed, stepped back, and holding the garment from one strap with curled index finger of his right hand, the closer one around the opposing strap with his other hand, he flung my superfluous black bra. I smacked my right in the face. I was immensely glad I couldn't blush anymore.

Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and even Edward laughed, while I scowled. "Fuck you, Emmett!"

"You ruined my car!" He reminded me, deepening my scowl. I snatched my bra off the tile, and marched angrily up to my room, slamming the door behind me.

Stupid, bearish bra flinging vampires.

* * *

I had my back against my headboard, a notebook on my lap and a pen in my hand, when I heard a soft knock at the door. I inhaled, and smiled softly, before wiping it off my face. I'd been waiting for him.

"Come in." I invited.

The door opened, and Edward entered, clicking the door closed behind him. He didn't meet my gaze until he slunk fluidly into a sitting position on the bottom of my bed.

"Yes?" I asked, politely.

He stared at me for a second, appearing as if he was searching for the right words. He finally sighed in resignation. "I don't know what came over me earlier, Miss Suicide. My full apologies."

My warm expression melted in an instant, replaced by a cold glare. "Oh, so you're back to this now?"

"Back to what?"

"Yeah, that's it. Play daft, Edward." I exhaled loudly through my nose, nostrils flaring. "You know exactly what came over you."

His eyes flashed, and his jaw hardened, chin rising a single inch indigently. "And what do you suppose that is, if I may ask?"

The set of my own jaw hardened, and I threw my notebook aside, leaning towards him. He didn't flinch, or retreat, but kept his gaze on me evenly. "I think you feel an unexplained attraction towards me, and I think we had a deep conversation earlier that led to your feelings being even more muddled and us spending time together lately has strengthened this attraction on both ends, and you snapped today and let it free." I scooted towards him, expecting him to pull back.

He didn't.

I placed my hand gently on his cheek, and he didn't move a single inch. He didn't even breathe.

"Edward. It's alright. Let it go."

He sighed, eyes closely as his hard expression fell to defeat. "Miss Suicide..."

Ugh! Why did he have to be so god damn **difficult?** "On second thought," I dropped my hand, standing, and holding it out for a formal handshake. "Why don't we just settle this. Awkward, random passionate moments truce?"

He smiled softly, shaking my hand in return. "Awkward, random passionate moments truce."

I nodded in satisfaction, pulling my hand back and ignoring the yearning in me to kiss him.

I didn't know what his problem is, but I had a feeling that whatever had just happened between us in the garage was just the beginning of these awkward moments. I also knew that Edward was still in love with Tanya, and i hadn't reached the point I wanted to be at.

Oh, but I would.

* * *

After spending a few hours talking endlessly with Edward once again, when he'd finally retreated to his room, I went to my private blood bank, after with drawing a packet of blood and idly sipping it while perching on my desk and watching the sun rise.

When the sun was fully arisen, I tossed the emptied packet into my equally empty trash basin. Exiting the room, I tackled the task at hand for this day.

"Alice!" I beckoned, walking down the hall and to the main room to find the short pixie waiting for me.

"Yes, Bella?"

"What would you say about helping me hold some auditions?"

A beautiful, excited grin was my only answer.

* * *

The next day, Alice, Edward and I were perched upon hard wooden mahogany chairs behind a long table, with a photo and information sheet of all those who were about to try out for Bella Suicide's 'new member'.

We'd seen about thirty people, and no success yet.

"Next!" Alice exclaimed. We'd just seen a pimply teenage boy attempting to play the accordion. The boys shoulders slumped, and he walked towards the exit. I felt slightly benevolent for him, but shrugged it off.

I adjusted my bulky Juicy Couture sunglasses, and patted down my hair. Edward lounged back beside me in his chair, staring boredly ahead. No one had impressed him yet, either. He grudgingly agreed to accompany Alice and I on our little expedition.

A tall girl resembling a metal rail with blonde hair slicked so tightly onto her forehead that I couldn't imagine it _not_ hurting slinked into the ballet studio room Alice had booked for us, and she grinned at us. she set down a small iHome with an iPod nestled in it.

"Hi, my name is Alicia Barker and I'll be trying out to be Bella Suicide's back up dancer!" The girl said in a heavy British accent. Edward and I raised an eyebrow while Alice squealed in delight, laughing. Of course, she couldn't see what was going to unfold of the days events, as I was involved.

The girl wore tight, faded jeans with a equivocally tight black shirt. She bent down, pushing in the play button in the iPod and began swaying her hips in a very sexual way, slowly making her way down to the floor with each sashay.

"_Oh shit shake that ass ma_

_Move it like a gypsy_

_Stop, whoa, back it up_

_Now let me see your hips swing_

_Now drop it low_

_And let me see your hips swing_"

"CUT!" Alice screeched, and I looked to her in appreciation.

"Not to be rude, but have you even listened to her music?" Edward inquired.

"Yes! She the bomb!" Alicia said, making some odd motion with her hands while saying 'bomb'.

I scoffed. "Get out."

"Next." Alice said, and the girl huffed, snatching up her makeshift stereo and leaving, deflated.

The door opened, an in came a short, bubbly looking girl with long platinum blonde hair tied into pigtails. She picked the microphone up from the ground, and when her eyes fell on Edward, she gawked. Alice and I giggled a bit.

"I'm...um...I'm..." The small girl stuttered, pink tinting her cheeks.

Edward smiled softly at her, leaning forwards in his seat and interlacing his pianist fingers, resting his chin on top of them. "And you are?" He pushed gently, in his smooth, velvet voice.

The girl turned completely red, and I smiled at her in sympathy. I knew firsthand how it felt to be dazzled by him.

I discreetly kicked him under the table, and he gave me an innocent glance, as if to say he'd been being sincere, before reclining once again in his seat. The girl tore her eyes from the gorgeous sight before her, tapping the microphone the ensure it's power. When she was satisfied it was working, she spoke, eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm Anna, and I'll be singing for you today."

Her soft murmur was a surprisingly contradiction to her powerful voice.

"_You get the limo out front_

_Ooo whoa_

_Hottest styles, every shoe, every color_

_Yeah when you're famous it can be kinda fun_

_It's really you but no one ever discovers_

_In some ways you're just like all your friends_

_But on stage you're a star_

_You get the best of both worlds_

_Chill it out, take it slow_

_Then you rock out the show_

_Mix it all together and you know you got the best of both worlds_"

I stared at the girl in utter incredulity. Was this girl for real? "Just out of curiosity," I asked sweetly, "Do you actually _**own**_ any of my music?"

The girl froze, and shook her head.

"Know the title of any of my songs?" I continued.

She bit her lip nervously, and shook her head once more. "My um...brothers a fan...and...stuff."

I narrowed my crimson eyes. "I hate Hannah Montana."

She shrugged, stealing one last glance at Edward. He promptly grinned at her, making the poor girl gasp and nearly faint before bouncing out of the room.

"Hannah Montana?" Edward snickered, as Alice laughed outright and I rolled my eyes.

"I despise that little wench." I hissed, and Edward chuckled, as the door opened.

An average sized girl, or was it a boy? I couldn't really tell. They were clad in skin tight black pants, a black shirt with the band logo for 'Hawthorne Heights' plastered across equally tight shirt. Choppy black hair that hung in her/his eyes with chunks of bright purple in his/her hair. Darkly outlined eyes, and snake bites gave me a small slither of hope, but it was short lived when he/she lifted the microphone and began reciting a poem, doing overly dramatic motions to accompany the words.

"_The glass of society breaks_

_Cutting my fragile shell as I lie, _

_Curled on the floor-_"

I cut it off right as the person was preparing to curl up on the floor.

"Please, leave. And die."

The unidentified gender glared at me for a moment, before leaving, resulting in a chortling Alice and Edward.

Closely following, a boy in high rise blue jeans and an unbuttoned flannel shirt entered. He bore a cowboy hat.

He square danced, making my throat grow dry in absolute horror. I frantically looked to Alice or Edward for help, and Alice, beautiful Alice, shouted for the next tryout to come in.

In came a tall person dressed in what was very clearly a mermaid costume, with a flowing red wig.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" I questioned snappishly, and the person looked at me tiredly, as if I was a two year old and should be able to comprehend this obvious answer without having been told.

"Ariel." The girl announced.

"_I wanna live where the-_"

"Get out." I scowled, throwing my hands up after she exited. "Is _anyone_ taking this audition seriously?"

Alice patted me consolingly on the back. "It's just a small town, that's all."

The torture continued on for a while longer.

I grumbled.

"Is my entire fan base made up of gangstas, emos and square-dancers?" I pondered aloud as another rejected candidate left, clutching his harpsichord to his chest like a baby.

Then the door flew open.

I lazily lifted my gaze and paused, a slow smile making it's way across my face. A wisp of a girl blew in.

But what a wisp it was.

A studded leather corset drew some shape into her minute body. Metal bars threaded her flesh at the ears, both sides of her lip, eyebrow and a ring hanging from her nose. I could see the tip of an inked picture in the inch of pale skin between her corset and the leather pants she wore.

Now _**this**_, was my kind of girl.

"Hey," She said in a fantastically husky voice. It almost reminded me of - no, I didn't dare say it. Refused to even think of that name. "I'm Jynx".

"Bella Suicide" I smirked at her. She returned it before taking centre stage. My eyes followed her and i paused in anticipation as she took a large breath that didn't seem as if it would fit in her diminutive body.

"_**YOOODELEHEE, YOOODELEHEE, YOOODELEHEEHOOOOOOOOO**_!!"

Any hope I had for future candidates was demolished in that moment.

My perfectly made up face hit the desk. No doubt denting it somewhat, and pressing my designed sunglasses into the hard surface. The crack that followed didn't even make me wince as I tossed them to the side, groaning.

"Just kill me now" I lamented. My complaints were slightly muffled by the wood, but my bell-like voice was still audible to my vampire companions. "That was a complete and utter waste of my immortal existence."

"You asked for it." Edward laughed, rising graciously and moving towards the piano that was pushed to the corner. He sat down on the bench, fingers skimming over the top before lightly playing a few notes, making beautiful melodies flood the room, invading my thoughts.

I groaned again, preparing to tell him to knock it off while I considered what the hell I was going to do now.

"Well," Alice leaned back on the chair, examining her perfect manicure nonchalantly. "I suppose you could always get Edward to do it." Her voice held a bit too much of a blasé tone to sustain me. She'd had this planned, hadn't she?

I felt, rather than saw, him freeze at the same time I did.

"What?" We exclaimed so simultaneously it almost seemed rehearsed.

Did I want Edward working with me, cutting down my personal creations? Absolutely not.

"I mean, he IS the best musician in the family." She continued in a completely oblivious and carefree tone, apparently unaware of our duel shock. "Too much spare time on his hands I suppose," Winking, she went on. "But I'm assuming that will be changing shortly."

I ignored her implication, as well as the soft growl rumbling from Edward.

"How about it? Hmm?" She gave a tinkling laugh, lifting her arms up behind her head, fingers entwining and going to the back of her neck.

There was a terse pause, ending with a brusque outburst from us both. "No!"

_What_ did he say?

What did that arrogant, pompous _**prick**_ say?

I turned, snarling, teeth baring while I demanded, "Are my songs not good enough for thou holy lips?"

He glared in return. "I could say the same for you. Don't want my voice tainting that keening mess you call music?"

How. Fucking. Dare. He.

I stood from my chair, absently kicking it from behind me. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

"Sorry, I must not have made myself clear." He sneered, but it didn't touch his eyes. "I'd rather be chained in a room with someone raking their nails down a chalkboard rather than listen to your earsplitting creations."

I was about to shriek and jump at him, but I composed myself. So that supercilious asshole thought he compose better music than I? Well, we'll see about that.

"Fine. Let's see how _you_ do working with me." I challenged, matching his with a sneer of my own, indigently crossing my arms.

He arched a perfect bronze, as if to question whether I was serious.

Spitefully, I gave a curt nod.

"Gladly." He chuckled, an amused grin placating his angelic features.

Oh, was this going to be fun.

* * *

Authors Note;; Long chapter, yay! Show me some love! You guys did absolutely magnificent on the last chapter. Keep it up!

How are Bella and Edward going to get along while trying to write music together? New poll up, woo hoo!

Well, I must bit you ado for now, but please do review! Love you all.

-LollirotXoX


	17. STOP

Okay, I'm sorry if you all got excited and I know I keep posting authors notes, and I'm deleting this after a few days. But seriously, I am getting angry. A few people are messaging me giving me links and informing me, and I really am grateful to those of you who have been informing me. I've also found a few on my own.

But I keep finding fan fictions that are oddly similar to Suicide Girl. Don't get me wrong you're free to write whatever you want. But don't take credit for the idea. At least say that this story has inspired you. And the people doing this can't even say they came up with the idea on their own, because I've received reviews from some of them. So honestly, stop stealing the idea. Would you rewrite Twilight and try to get it published? Would you try to pass it as your own? No, you wouldn't, and this is no different.

As I said, I'm sorry to excite you all for no reason, and I know it's been a little while since I've updated, but my story muse has just gone poof. I have a busy rest of the week and weekend ahead of me, but you can all look forward to an update within a few days after the weekend. I promise

But for the last time, STOP MAKING KNOCK OFFS.

Thank you.

-LollirotXoX


	18. Chapter 16 Haunting?

Authors Note;; Well, fuck me. Sorry everyone! I know it's taken an eternity for me to update, but I just...haven't been in the Suicide Girl state of mind. It's entirely Queen Cocaine's fault, once again! See, about four years ago I was on this huge Gravitation (it's an anime/manga) obsession, and it died down. But Queen Cocaine being the leader of the club that is hell bent on bringing me down (seriously, she is!), she distracted me and I must shamefully admit I have been emersed in reading Gravitation fanfictions. I was even going to write one, but I figured I better update this before I was beheaded. Again, I apologize for the wait! Suicide Girl only has numbered chapters left. I'm unsure of how many exactly, and if you all want it to be longer I'll have to come up with some filler, but all in all as it's going now I would assume maybe ten chapters left, a guestimation. Let me know if you want more, and I'll see what I can do.

So, Edward and Bella working together, huh? We'll see how this goes. I know about as much as you guys do, I'm writing typing as it comes to mind :)

Disclaimer;; I don't own the song 'Nymphetamine' by Cradle of Filth, or 'RX Queen' or 'Change' by the Deftones. This particular song has no lyrical purpose, it was simply chosen because the utter sexuality of the song drew me in and told me to put it in here. Though I suppose it does fit, slightly. I don't know why, but I can picture Edward being an avid Deftones fan. As for Nymphetamine, when played by Edward on the piano, where the synthesized sound it right before the female voice begins, replace that with the same music but a piano instead, if you know the song. Bit of a teaser of that in here.

* * *

Music is not my life.

It is an important factor of my plan, and it does help me sort through my morbid musings, but it is not all that consumes me.

However, when some one insults the way I compose, I get a bit irritated.

Especially this someone.

"You are an absolute, complete imbecile." I snarled at the beautiful vampire in front of me, who sported a glower on his flawless face.

"_**I'm**_ an imbecile? I've been composing music since the early nineteen hundreds. _Tasteful_ music, not this creeping, ghostly nonsense." Edward retorted, his upper lip curling back slightly. I sneered at him, crossing my thin arms indigently below my breasts.

"At least my music is _interesting._"

That earned me a scoff, an elegant ginger eyebrow arch. "Oh, and that screeching and shrieking you do is interesting?"

My face contorted in scowl, and I spitefully turned my back on him, pouring over the half sheet of music we'd actually agreed on. The very beginning.

Ignoring his previous protests, I scrawled out the notes that had been swirling inside my mind. We'd written the lyrics, and were currently arguing over the music and title.

"That melody is far too deep for the music." Edward insisted, ignoring the fact that I'd been pretending he wasn't in the room and perching right next to me on the bench of the piano in one of the spare rooms.

I bristled. "The song is supposed to be deep. It's called haunting, Edward."

As I mulled over possible titles for the song, the obvious one slapped me right square in the face. It was right before our eyes, in the lyrics, how hadn't we figured it out?

"Yeah, about that..." Edward started, but I swiftly cut him off.

"What about Nymphetamine?"

"That was just a word that came to mind while writing this song." Edward snorted, snatching the pages from my grasp and looking over them himself. "I was simply trying to imitate your..._haunting_," He used the word to mock me, I was sure, "style. The word refers to a sex addict. It doesn't necessarily center on sex, more so of the sexual feeling or desire and lust and how that entwines with our nature. It's all bullshit that just came into my head while thinking of how disturbing your thoughts must be."

My thoughts? He was going to imply I had a twisted mind, when he'd spit out lyrics like that? I laughed.

'_This lust, a vampiric addiction, to her alone in full submission. None better...Nymphetamine. Nymphetamine girl_.'

"Yeah, _I'm_ disturbing."

"You are. I think you are entirely too dark, Bella." Edward informed me jauntily. He enjoyed getting under my porcelain colored skin, I knew this. Apparently, he wasn't averted from calling my by my first name anymore. I wonder why that is?

I scoffed. "You're one to talk." I rolled my ruby eyes, grabbing the pages again and setting them on the piano where we could both read the composition.

Edward dually rolled his eyes, at my action and my remark.

I couldn't help myself.

"You know, a line like that coming from a virgin of over of century is quite surprising." I snickered, thinking of those lines Edward had written.

My answer was a misshapen, displeasured face as Edward assumed my previous actions, bronze hair flashing in my perfect vision as he proceeded to turn and pretend I wasn't in the room, his slender fingers glided gracefully across the cool white keys, producing the melody I'd written with an annoyed, conquered look on his face.

I won.

Perfect.

As the 'ghostly' notes saturated the empty air around them, I stared in silent wonder as Edward's eyes slipped closed, hiding the golden depths from my view. His brow was smooth, uncreased, which was odd for a musician. Most musicians, aside from myself, lost themselves in the music, and the concentration of creating the music. If you looked closely, you could see signs of the concentration. But not Edward.

Music flowed from Edward effortlessly, as if it was second nature.

The sounds, the melody invading my ears, it had sounded decent when I'd played it. But Edward was so much more skilled than I at the piano. His fingers moved meticulously over the keys, though lightly as if he wasn't even thinking.

He liked the music.

I knew it.

I studied him, the change in his flesh as he played. How one some notes he was particularly enthusiastic about, his biceps clenched, making the skin pull tautly over it, before releasing. Even through his shirt, though it being ridiculously tight helped, I could see his back muscles ripple. Everything about him was fluent, mystical...

I found myself becoming so intrigued by his actions, that when he tilted his head ever so slightly towards me, it took me a few seconds to recover and calculate what he wanted from me before complying.

As mine was the opening voice of this particular duet, I began so sing softly. My voice held a nightmarish, but beautiful ring, and no mere human could accomplish it.

"_Lead to the river_

_Midsummer, I wave_

_A 'v' of black swans_

_On with hope to the grave_

_All though Red September_

_With skies fire-paved_

_I begged you to appear_

_Like a thorn for the holy ones_"

Not missing a beat, Edward dutifully joined in as my voice died down to allow him his part, even though this stanza were my lyrics. I had never heard him literally sing before, and his voice captured my breath.

"_Cold was my soul_

_And untold was the pain_

_I faced when you left me_

_A rose in the rain_

_So I swore to thy razor_

_That never, enchained_

_Would your dark nails of faith_

_Be pushed through my veins again_"

It was perfect, as was everything else about him. How infuriating it was, he was so wonderful at quite literally everything. His singing voice was melodic, alluring and sensual. Baritone, of course, but with tendrils of velvet interlacing the deep tones. I had never heard a more angelic, and yes, haunting voice in my life, my own included.

Damn him for besting me at another thing.

I was about to sing my next part, but the notes weren't right. I noticed that Edward was slowly trailing off, coming to a soft closure, and he stayed completely still for a moment.

"I do like it." Edward conceded. I smiled smugly, resisting the urge to say 'I told you so'.

"So that brings that song to a wrap, right?" I inquired, neatly arranging the papers so they were atop one another, only the first page visible.

"Indeed." Was my response, and I turned on the bench, rummaging around in my guitar case at our feet. I found what I needed, and set it on the perch. More blank music paper.

"Well, I suppose that we should compose more that one song, yes?"

Edward nodded in agreement, and smirked at me. "Are you suggesting you'd actually allow me to steal the stage from you for more than one song?"

I threw him a beatific, but nasty look. "Of course not, we will be _sharing_ the stage."

"But of course."

"And we are running on a time limit here, you realize. So we must work rather quickly." I told him, to which I received a golden eye roll. He was so damn cocky.

I already had the lyrics. I knew what song to work on next, and the jumble of words danced through my mind as they waited to be put to life. I just needed the melody.

I placed my pen on the page, willing my inner muse to make herself known so we could begin another song. After about ten minutes or so, discussing it with Edward, I scribbled down a melody, trying to satisfy the both of us.

This was a difficult task, to say the least.

He and I seemed to disagree on _everything_.

"No, it should be a sharp, I'm telling you-"

"No!" I answered, clasping the pen and violently scribbling out the note he'd written despite my words. I'd be damned if I would allow him to change my vision of this song. I'd written it from somewhere deep within me. And hell would freeze over before I let him change a thing.

He growled, eyes flashing. "Dammit Bella, I'm trying to he-"

"I said **no**!" I snarled, snatching the pages of clutching them to me as I stormed into the hallway. I heard a soft shuffling as he followed.

"You are the most stubborn person I have ever encountered!" He angrily informed me. I spun on my heel, a move I could only accomplish graciously as a vampire.

"And you are an idiot!" I spat vehemently, fury dripping from my voice. "Just because you're assisting me doesn't mean you can _change my music_."

"It can be improved!" Edward insisted, growling right back at me.

I snarled viciously, and strode into my room, slamming the door in his face.

"Well, I think they're getting along well!" Alice's cheerful statement floated through the house, resulting in a growl from Edward, who I heard through the door, and myself.

Obviously, in a house full of vampires, our passionate arguments were more than loud enough to be overheard by the others.

Yes, we were getting along just fine.

After about an hour or so of mercilessly striving to finish this song, I succeeded, not including the single part left to Edward. I exited my room, storming to Edwards and not even bothering to knock. He was lounging on his couch, eyes closed and music I hadn't heard in years but vaguely recognized drifting around him. Dressed in tight black jeans and a long sleeve red shirt, one leg hung carelessly over the side of the couch while the other was bent at his side. I would have drooled, no doubt, had I been mortal. And less determined.

_Cause you're my girl_

_And that's alright_

_If you sting_

_I won't mind_

I didn't break stride, and stopped in front of him. His topaz eyes opened lazily, and I thrust the finished song in his face. "It's done, and whether you agree with it's quality or not, this is how it's going to be."

Again, an eye roll as he removed the papers from my grasp, glancing over it. "What's the gap for?"

"Your lyrics." I answered, flopping down agilely at the end of the couch opposite him.

He made a soft 'hmm', noise, before nodding and handing them back to me. "Not bad."

I took them, folding the paper and tucking it into the back pocket of my own black pants. On this particular day, I adorned tight black pants that fit snugly, and a royal blue corset with straps the width of my shoulder. My hair hung around me in loose, natural waves, the bright pink embedded there contrasting sharply with my corset.

I shrugged, and stood. "And now that Nymphetamine is done, we can begin practicing?" Questioning him, I handed him those pages.

He sat quietly for a moment, before discarding the composition to the couch. He rose to his feet, nimbly moving to his large stereo and fumbling with the dials and switches. After a few moments, a new, sensual sounding song assaulted my ears.

What was he up to?

I stared silently at him, pondering his motives. He was in front of me, a hand held out delicately.

"What are you doing?" I asked, staring a bit apprehensively at his out stretched limb.

"Practicing." He announced, confidence blazing at me through molten gold orbs. I couldn't resist the lure of his gaze, and placed my smaller, pale hand within his. He tugged my gently off the couch, and I was surprised when he stepped back a bit, before turning me and pulling my back against his chest.

What the _hell_ is he doing?

My irrelevant breath caught in my throat as his hands curled softly around my hips, and I felt him begin to move behind me. His own hips, pressing into my backside, begin to sway slowly with the beat. His hands on my hips urged me to move with him.

Suddenly, all the sexual tension we'd felt between us over the past few weeks hung thickly in the air. I knew that by his tense posture, and the sensuality in his movements that he felt it as well.

I ambiguously wondered when he'd become so comfortable with touching me, even as Bella Suicide. Though he couldn't have known that, it was still a wonder to see Edward, uptight frigid Edward, touching a female so casually.

Electric sparks executed the air around us, and my skin tingled on every place it came in contact with his hard, lean body. I felt like electricity was running through my veins, and it gave me the strong urge to squirm a bit. But instead, I pressed back against him, moving my body in perfect rhythm to his.

_I watched you change_

_Into a fly_

_I looked away_

_You were on fire_

As the beat picked up and increased in it's carnal, erotic sound, I nearly shuddered against the cool body behind me. I felt him pressing into me, and I was once again amazed by the fact that he got it up. Never when I had been human.

One of his hands, previously clamped around my thin hip, trailed slowly over the bottom of my stomach, fingertips lightly tracing the small patch of skin exposed by my posture. I bit back a moan, as shock waves flowed through me. I was aware of every single movement, every blink, every breath this man took.

_I watched a change in you_

_It's like you never had wings_

_Now you feel so alive_

_I've watched you change_

The song continued on farther, and I couldn't deny it was an undoubtedly sexual song. My skin twitched under every touch Edward rained upon me, and my mind was in a haze. What were his _motives_? Why could I not figure him out?

Maybe he was trying to show me that the song 'Nymphetamine' is a sexual song, and therefore I need to be in a certain mood? Yes. I was absolutely positive about that.

All thought left my mind as his hand snuck even higher, resting in the middle of my ribcage just below my breasts. I exhaled sharply as I felt his cool breath on the nape of my neck, sending another wave of desire through me. The gush of air was enough to make me shudder slightly, as it caressed my skin. It seemed that wherever he touched me, a new nerve ending was created it his wake.

God, he could turn me on.

I was slightly took off guard as he gripped my wrist, spinning me to face him and pulling me flush against him. One hand moved to touch my back, pianist fingers stroking nimbly as his other resumed it vice grip on my hip. His thumb dug into my hipbone, rubbing small circles and making me see stars. His warm ocher eyes held my gaze strongly, and the emotion, the fucking _need_ there just about drove me insane. He didn't break our stare as he continued to move, head tilted down at me and eyes scorching right through me. I stared back evenly, as one of my hands made it's way to press into his lower back. The smooth, satin skin beneath my fingers was cool to the touch, and I felt ever inch even through the cotton of his shirt.

I couldn't take it anymore. He was driving me absolutely insane with lust. Our constant banter, our relentless quest to better the other, and these little moments where he was the sexiest creature I have ever come upon in my entire existence, everything had been building, and condensing, and was going to made me explode with want.

I licked my lips invitingly, and pressed a bit harder into him, preparing to tell him what was on my mind. If he disagreed, I'd be shocked. If he didn't feel the same burning want, the same urge to just rip his damn clothes off, as I did...

I prepared myself for what I was about to do. I was about to give him slight control, but I simply could not stand this a minute longer.

_I look at the cross_

_Then I look away_

_Give you the gun_

_Blow me away_

I opened my mouth. "Edward-"

As per usual, he cut me off. He leaned his face into my hair, inhaling deeply and I quietly praised myself for continually dousing myself in perfume.

"Hmm. You really are polar opposites. You move so gracefully on your feet." Edward murmured, his voice velvet gravel, into my hair.

As his words hit home, I froze completely. This whole thing had been a test. He was testing the waters, seeing how much alike Bella Swan I was which meant he was suspicious. But how dare he do it in this way, making me believe he was lusting for me.

That _asshole_.

* * *

Author Note;; It's finally done, yay! Again, sorry for the delay. Ooooo the concerts coming up soon! How will Bella and Edward perform together? Answer the poll, because I'm making a new one in my profile. Yay! I'm going to apologize ahead of time, incase another disgustingly long delay happens. I don't think it will, but I'm just playing it save. I am a dirty, filthy Gravitation _whore_ right now and I hope you all forgive me! I have a fanfic nagging at me, but I don't think I can handle another I'm already balancing this one and some others. Check those out, by the way! I'm going to start thinking you all only want me for Suicide Girl. :) Oh, and sorry if you've been getting e-mails saying about more than one update, I've been editing some things in this story. As for the note before this chapter, thank you all for bearing with me.

Anywho, REVIEW! You know you want to! It makes me happy, and want to please you all faster with an update! What the hell is going on with this sexual tension between Edward and Bella? Does Edward have suspicions that Bella hasn't been aware about, or is it someone else having these thoughts and Edward is hearing them? Or is it something else entirely? Why does Edward keep getting so touchy with Bella, only to reveal alterior motives or some hidden meaning?

More to come!

-LollirotXoX


	19. Apologies

Hello dear readers

Hello dear readers.

I just wanted to apologize for the long, long delay. Unfortunately, Suicide Girl is on temporary hiatus. And I MEAN temporary. Don't worry, I WILL continue and finish this, I promise you that. And it won't take too horribly long. I just have a lot of stress and no time, and a lot of shit has happened. My long term boyfriend and I are having major problems, I have school five days a week, a job, as well as trying to make time for my friends, and my own life. Also, what pushed me to post this, my favorite Uncle just died. If any of you like the band Shadow Gallery, you might know who he is. He is the vocalist of that band, and he just recently passed and unfortunately I'm just not up to writing anything right now, but Suicide Girl is the most popular so I felt I owed you all an explanation.

My sincerest apologies, and I promise an update as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time.

-LollirotXoX


	20. Chapter 17 A Hunting We Will Go

Authors Note;; Hello all! Well, this is a bit of a different taste for you guys. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I was planning on doing this completely through Suicide Girl, after Bella's POV is over of course. If you hadn't figured it out yet, yes. This chapter is, indeed, from Dark!Edward's POV. Excited? Sorry! I know I've been bad, and it took me forever but I really do have good reasons and I'm getting back on track now. But more at the note at the end. Let's get to it, shall we?

Disclaimer;; I do not own Twilight, 'Vermillion', 'The Way You Lived Your Life'. They belong respectively to Stephanie Meyer, Slipknot and CKY. Also, don't own 'The Raven', 'The Lion For Real', or 'Romeo and Juliet'. That's all Edgar Allen Poe, Allen Ginsberg, and Shakespeare. I also don't own the borrowed scene from New Moon.

* * *

_**Edward's POV.**_

Bella.

Bella Swan.

Bella Suicide.

What is it with these Bella's? Do they exist to simply torment me through out the remainder of my immortal life?

I can't bring myself to regret knowing, and loving Bella Swan. But it seems she is definitely haunting me.

Have I finally lost my mind? Seventeen years without the love of my life. Had the appearance of Bella Suicide had any effect on this? I do not even know where to begin to deal with all of this.

A sharp pain cut through my chest, just thinking about Bella Swan. Had I done the right thing, walking away from her so many years ago? I thought I'd left my heart with her.

But Bella Suicide…

Is it her similarities to my Bella that catches my attention? She is nothing like my Bella. And yet…Something strikes me. I'm unsure as to what, but it is definitely there. Is it possible…?

No. I won't even let myself begin to hope.

But if she's not my Bella…Then what have I done?

Flashes of the pure lust pulsing between Bella and I…The 'random passionate moments'… What do those mean? I feel like I've betrayed my Bella, in a way. Though I feel nothing like what I felt for my Bella for Bella, as much as it pained me to admit it…There was definitely something there. Physical attraction, if nothing else. And that…_unnerved_ me. The redundant bickering that takes place between the two of us, the battle of our wits, and our relish of pushing the others' buttons… I just couldn't seem to stop myself.

It was me who instigated all of our 'random passionate moments', I am highly aware of that. But I don't _want_ to feel anything for her. I don't want to feel anything for anyone but my Bella.

As it is, the feelings I have for Bella are…mixed, to say the least. One second I can not stand the sight of her, and the next I can't seem to keep my hands off of her. She just…reminds me of my Bella, but at the same time is everything untame that my Bella never was. Not that I wanted a wild side to my Bella. Just that…I don't have to watch myself around Bella. I don't have to be sure that my fingertips don't crush her skull, or my teeth don't graze her lip when we kiss. I can let go. And it's a bit fearsome how much I seem to be enjoying myself.

And I hate myself for it.

Because she'll never be _my _Bella.

When I walked away from my Bella…I knew I'd never find anyone for me, but her. I know, even now, that should I ever find out that she is not on this earth anymore…My life will cease to matter. I couldn't going on knowing my Bella didn't exist, somewhere.

Another sharp pain right through where my heart would be, and resentment flooded me. This Bella Suicide was mixing up my emotions, toying with my mind. And it did not help the matter that I seemed to be losing it along the way.

How could I let her invade me this way? I could not allow it. I would not allow this feeling to continue.

I sat up, from my position of casual lounging on the couch perched in my room. I reached onto the table beside it, snatching up a blank piece of composure paper and a discarded pen. I began scribbling the words passing through my mind as my thoughts wandered, knowing maybe we could use them.

I wasn't sure what it was about Bella that attracted me to her. I wasn't so shallow as to only judge on appearances, but it certainly wasn't hard to notice her dark beauty. With her corsets and boots and long black and fuchsia hair, her wild red eyes and her…well, dare I say it, her absolutely perfect body. And that _**voice**_. Despite my earlier rebuffing of her musical skills, I quite admired her voice. It was more beautiful than any immortals I'd heard before. And the way she held herself…Well, that was where it got complicated.

She was very independent, and highly intelligent. I didn't doubt that for an instant. But she'd so obviously built walls around herself…Walls that I, myself, had acquired similarly over time. And although she put up a tough façade, I saw something beneath. Something I didn't want to see. It seemed she did have a heart in there.

…Somewhere.

I paused when I finished the lyrics, and scanned over them.

'_She seems dressed in all the rings  
Of past fatalities  
So fragile yet so devious  
She continues to see  
Climatic hands that press  
Her temples and my chest  
Enter the night that she came home  
Forever_

_Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)_

_She is everything and more  
The solemn hypnotic  
My Dahlia bathed in possession  
She is home to me_

_I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse  
But the stress is astounding  
It's now or never she's coming home  
Forever_

_Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)_

_Hard to say what caught my attention  
Vixen crazy, Aphid Attraction  
Carve my name in my face, to recognize  
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize_

_I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me_

_I'm a slave, and I am a master  
No restraints and, unchecked collectors  
I exist through my need, to self oblige  
She is something in me, that I despise_

_I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
She isn't real._

_I can't make her real.'_

Now where had all that come from? I knew it all served a purpose, and I sighed wistfully. What a catastrophe I have gotten myself involved in.

Looking over them, I decided it was better not to show Bella these. It would arise too many questions, that I had no answers to.

I had just shoved the paper carelessly under a few books that were aimlessly scattered on my table when a rather harsh knock pounded at my door.

I smirked to myself, as a favorite poem sprang to mind. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, while I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door." I recited softly.

"Edward?" A soft musical voice asked.

Speak of the devil, and she will appear.

"A moment please." I called, and made certain that the paper was hidden from view. I rose fluently to cross over to my stereo system. I flipped interestedly through one of my many CD cases noting that this particular case based upon rock music. "You may come in now."

The door opened, and my eyes flickered up to meet the ruby stare of the one and only Bella Suicide.

"Evening, Edward." She tipped her head politely in greeting, her soft. loose waves falling over her shoulder.

Why did I notice that?

"Bella." I answered, reverting my gaze back to my CDs. I paused when I found one that suited my mood, and effortlessly slipped it from its binding. I slipped it carefully into an open slot in the stereo, and pressed the play button.

'_There's 10,000 reasons to survive  
But you only needed one to die  
It's too late to change what you've become  
I won't always be this lonely_'

"Edgar Allen Poe?" She questioned quietly, and I turned to see an eyebrow raised delicately at me. I mimicked her, echoing the action.

"You read poetry?"

She snorted at me. "Of course I do. I read a variety of things." She stepped farther into my room, and seated herself on my couch. I moved slowly to join her, keeping a safe distance between us as I heard her continue confidently, " 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door; Only this, and nothing more."

I smirked at her, and leaned comfortably back against the couch, throwing one arm casually across the top of it. "I am indeed impressed."

"Did you take me for an unintelligent woman who only gets what she desires because of her looks, or just an idiot?"

"Neither, actually. Did you have a purpose in your visit or did you just come to annoy me?"

"Touché." She smirked, and handed me a decently thick file stuffed with papers. "This is everything I need you to memorize for the concert. I've finished the songs I had yet to complete, and a few of them include you so I'll need you to know them flawlessly. I can't afford any mistakes, after all." She absentmindedly brushed her hair behind her shoulders, and my eyes zeroed in on her collarbone, deliciously standing out of her pale ivory skin.

Bad, bad Edward.

I decided a distraction was in order.

"Eaten by lion in bookstore or on Cosmic Campus, a lion myself starved by Professor Kandisky, dying in a lion's flophouse circus," I began, arching both of my eyebrows in a challenge for her to finish the line.

Was it my imagination, or did her face tighten and eyes widen when I said the word 'lion'?

Nevertheless, she finished the line articulately, and for some reason I was truly unsurprised. "I woke up mornings the lion still added dying on the floor, 'Terrible Presence!' I cried, 'Eat me or die!'" Her voice shook on the word lion, as well as the words 'Eat me or die'.

Wasn't that peculiar?

I rewarded her with a half of a smile, and tilted my head back to rest on the couch, enjoying the rhythms pulsing around me.

'_I hear the creaking through the door  
I see you seeping through the floor  
It's not easy, asking you to leave  
Cuz you'll always be the only'_

Oddly fitting the music played around here seemed to be all the time.

"Another thing. We'll need to think of a alias for you while you're sharing my stage." Bella informed me, and my only response was a curt nod. I expected her to leave after giving me the manila folder, but instead she situated herself comfortably on the couch at my side. She smirked at me, and even though it screamed arrogance there was still something…caring? beneath it.

She seemed to confound my broad vocabulary often. This irritated me.

"So, any other poets you're particularly fond of other than Poe and Ginsberg?" She questioned lightly.

Was she trying to hold a _civil_ conversation with me? The world's time must be running out.

"Quite a few actually."

When it was clear I wasn't going to give any more information than that, she pressed on. "Shakespeare?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Occasionally. What's your favorite?"

"Romeo and Juliet." She responded without hesitation, a hint of a reflective smile gracing her lips.

A sharp stabbing pain shot through me, and I shifted to sit straight up. Well, didn't that bring back memories.

* * *

_**Pulling the old afghan off the couch, I wrapped it carefully around her small, soft body so she wouldn't be too bothered by the chill of my skin. **_

"_**You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo." I told her as the pictures began flashing across the small screen.**_

"_**What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked, the smallest frown tinting her lips. It was adorable.**_

"_**Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"**_

_**Her cute little frown deepened, and she sighed in exasperation. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"**_

"_**No, I'll mostly be watching you." I admitted, trailing my fingers ever so gently up her small arms, feeling the gooseflesh rise beneath my fingertips. I smiled a little. "Will you cry?"**_

"_**Probably." She snuggled back into me a bit farther, and I leaned into her, inhaling her wondrous scent. Freesia, mixed with pure essence of Bella. And the strawberries of her shampoo. Delicious. "If I'm paying attention." She added.**_

"_**I won't distract you then." Inhaling some more, I pressed my lips to her hair. Throughout the movie, I teasingly murmured Romeo's lines into her ear, feeling her shiver every now and then. Would I ever tire of her reactions to my own actions? I sincerely doubted it.**_

_**And when she did cry, though it did amuse me, I vowed I would never be the cause of her tears.**_

_**

* * *

**_

I grimaced, and her head tilted lithely to the side. I quickly composed my features into the empty mask I'd held it in for years, and looked at her. "I've never had much patience for Romeo." I repeated.

Her head cocked to the side even more, a pink tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip. What I wouldn't give to…

"What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked.

Her words froze me in my very place. And if that wasn't enough to bring back the ripping pain through my chest…

That adorable little frown rose, as if she were disappointed in my assessment.

I couldn't move. Did this mean something, or was my mind playing tricks on me?

I suddenly felt suffocated. I needed to get out, and remembering my Bella and her scent had unwillingly made my a bit thirsty. I could use the distraction right now.

Without another word on the subject, I rose fluently to my feet and headed towards the doors that led out onto the balcony connected to my room. Remembering the last time Bella and I were alone in this very room for an extended period of time, and I'd danced with her with that sensual electricity sparking around us. It was bringing bad feelings up in me, and I needed to clear my hazy mind. As I reached the doors and swung them open, I was just about to leap the thirty feet down to the ground when a voice called after me.

"Leaving so soon?"

"I'm going to hunt."

"Mind if I join you?"

Absolutely.

But those were not the words the tumbled from my lips. "Not at all." And with that, I was off, flying through the trees so fast that to human eyes they would have been nothing but a blur.

I heard the sound of someone quickly gaining on me, and in instinct turned, teeth bared. Black, pink and olive green assaulted my vision, and the blinding, exhilarated grin she greeted me with made my head spin.

She was quite fast.

I turned my focus back to my hunt, and sniffed experimentally. Ah, wonderful. A small pack of elk were grazing just too hundred yards or so away. We'd be upon them so fast they wouldn't know what was coming.

I immediately let my instincts take over, and no longer thought like an intelligent man, but like an animal. A vicious snarl snapped from my throat as I pounced on the largest elk, the male leader, immediately taking it down. I snapped it's neck in a small move of mercy, and use my razor sharp teeth to rip the fur and flesh away. Low purrs of satisfaction rumbled from deep within my body as I closed my eyes, drinking the thick, creamy liquid and feeling it slide wonderfully down my throat. I shook my head once, dislodging my teeth, when it was drained.

This hadn't even taken me a full three seconds. I was up, and attacking another before it had the chance to scramble. I heard it's heart accelerate from the danger it knew it was in, and I treated it with the same mercy as my other kill. Sinking my teeth deep into my prey, I drank deeply.

I did feel slightly better now.

I heard a soft, sensual purr coming from somewhere to my left and my eyes snapped open. Only to be met with the blazing ruby or another hunter's eyes. Desire swept over my at an unbelievably fast rate. I didn't even finish sucking the life essence from my dead prey, and my next actions surprised even myself.

I growled low, but it wasn't menacing.

It was lustful.

I lunged at her, teeth snapping on the way, knocking her instantly off the dead body of her own prey. She automatically dug her nails into my sides, and I moaned at the contact. We landed on the ground, her solid body beneath mine somehow rock hard yet soft as silk. I snarled again, primal instinct instantly taking over completely. Nuzzling my cheek against her neck, I nipped lightly, but hard enough that her creamy skin twitched under my lips. A low, ecstatic moan graced my ears and I responded with an animalistic growl of my own.

There were no words spoken, only primal grunts and howls.

Her lithe body quivered beneath me, arching her perfect breasts to brush against my chest. I didn't even attempt to stop my wandering hands as one came to massage one full breast, my thumb rubbing small, rough circles of her nipple. I was rewarded with another moan.

I grinded my hips desperately down into her, unable to contain the sudden urges overtaking my usually so controlled psyche. She responded delectably, circling her hips to create delicious friction between our bodies. I clawed desperately at her top, and I was so blinded my intense desire that I couldn't even take not of the color and my sharp nails tore it to shreds.

She didn't seem to mind.

"Edward…" She groaned in a scrumptious little breathy voice.

I grinned wickedly back in response as my member twitched at the incredible lightening bolt of electricity shot down my spine. My mouth immediately assaulted her collarbone, nipping and licking my way down to her breast where I sucked a hardened nipple into my mouth. Her tiny, flawless body arched up even more, pressing herself harder into me and with a wild growl I was suddenly on my back. I lifted my head, that sinful grin returning as I questioned with my eyes.

She responded, in kind, by ripping my black cotton tee shirt right off my over my head, and raking her black nails down the length of my chest. I groaned in satisfaction, throwing my head back and exposing my neck which she went for instantly. I'd never been bitten bluntly this way before, and I shivered under her touch and the immense tingling feelings shooting through me. Her nails scraped over my own nipple, and I gasped when her nose was brushing against my cloth covered erection. I trembled harder, and she grinned back at me, a wicked expression on her beautiful face.

"I don't think you're ready for me, Edward." She teased in a purr, nuzzling me once more with her lips this time.

My eyes about bulged out of their sockets, and pleasure at that simple brush coursed through my very veins.

I smelled blood.

I glanced down curiously, but before I could get a decent view, she was straddling me. The moonlight glinted wonderfully off her pale skin, and I reached up, unable to hold myself back. I stroked a finger over her collarbone, and down her spine, noticing the small red spots covering her neck and chest where I'd licked.

I'd gotten the blood from my kill on her.

As I drank in the sight of her, my member twitched once more, fully hard by now, and I was too far gone to care at this point exactly what I was doing.

She was glorious, perching perfectly straight over my hips and slowly circling her waist so as to create more luscious friction. Blood drizzled gently down the corner of her mouth, and her head tossed back in ecstasy, making it trickle down her neck.

It was the single licentious thing I'd seen in my entire existence.

Her fingers teased the bronze hair just below my navel, and she ground mischievously into me. I returned the favor, and she leaned down, smashing her blood covered lips onto mine. I moaned my appreciation, and greedily sucked her wet tongue into my mouth, crashing and tangling my own with her. The mixed blood from our moths intertwined, and that mixed with her mouth-watering taste had me shuddering once more, as I felt her do the same.

I ripped my mouth away, following the trail of blood down to the hollow of her neck, avariciously lapping it up. She clawed at the back of my neck, little mewls leaving her throat and I snapped my hips against her, jolting her body. My hands trailed up her exposed, creamy thighs, scratching lightly as I did so. A primal, delighted rumbling built in her chest, and I dug my fingers into her hips, rubbing small circles on the bone right by her pelvis. She half moaned, half screamed, and the sound sent another jolt right to my groin.

I couldn't take this anymore.

I flipped our bodies so I was once again over her, and I pressed one more deep kiss to her full lips before rising to my knees and focusing below. I pushed one leg of hers up, and teasingly trailed my fingers lightly up her shin, making my way to her core.

I was inches away, and she was writhing beneath me in anticipation, little purrs of excitement leaving her, when a vibration went off against my leg.

This has got to be a fucking joke.

I snarled, leaning down and sinking my teeth into the soft flesh of her inner though (1), and she screeched in passion, before I dropped my hips to grind into her once more. I had my cell phone in my hand in a flash, continuing my actions while I flipped it open and controlled my breathing enough to answer whoever the fuck was interrupting.

"This had better be good." I growled ferociously.

"Don't you sound like you're having fun?" Alice's bell chime voice met my ears, and I fought back a vicious snarl.

"What is it?"

"I just thought you'd like to know that Emmett and Rosalie are on their way to find you two. They heard you leave tell Bella you were going hunting, and decided they could use a trip to. I just wanted to warn you ahead of time so you could stop….er, your activities." She giggled softly.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Thank you." I replied briskly, before snapping my phone closed. I stared down at Bella, and saw that her eyes were focused once more, no longer free and wild as they were only moments ago.

Well, fuck me.

That killed it.

I lifted myself off of her with a soft groan, rolling onto my back by her side. "I'm-"

"If you say the word sorry, I swear to God I will rip your face off." She said, her voice void of any emotion.

The irritation at my inability to read her thoughts gnawed at me once more.

"Alright, then." I said simply, leaning up and jumping swiftly to my feet. I tossed her my discarded shirt. "Here."

"Thank you." She answered, tugging it over her head. I was a bit remorseful that her body was hidden from my view, but I silently scolded myself.

What the hell did I just allow to happen?

I sighed, bringing a hand up to rub the bridge of my nose. I had managed to completely and utterly confuse the living hell out of myself.

Bella Swan.

Bella Suicide.

Either way, either my guilt over one or my inappropriate lust for the other was going to be the death of me.

* * *

Authors Note;; Completely random? Absolutely. Should I redo this chapter from Bella's point of view, and add on to it with the events that follow for the next chapter, or just skip to the next events? Did you like primal Edward, or was he a bit to out of control? I realize that canon Edward would never, _ever_ say or do half the things he does in this chapter. But he's not canon Edward, now is he? He is Dark! Edward! So. Let me know! I can't promise a date for a new update, but I will try my hardest. One of the next few chapters is going to be ridiculously long, the concert chapter. So don't worry, lots coming soon!

1.) A reviewed brought up an interesting point. When it says he sunk his teeth into her thigh, I didn't mean literally. Earlier during their ....steam session, when it says he bit her I tried to use the word bluntly as in to show he didn't break the skin. In Eclipse, Jasper told everyone that vampire venom was painful even to another vampire. So, in conclusion, they _are_ biting each other, just bluntly. Like pressing their teeth down, you know? Rather than actually breaking the skin. Just wanted to clear that up! Thank you margaritama for pointing that out!

What actually inspired me to write once more was the movie. Did everyone like it? I did. Of course, a few things annoyed me. But I don't want to give anything away. The kissing scene is actually what inspired this. The way he just threw her…wow. It gave me chills. So anyways, review, please! I'd like to know what everyone thinks! I was actually planning on writing Suicide Girl from Edwards point of view when it was finished from Bella's. Should I?

ATTENTION EVERYONE;; I've decided to hold a contest! Edward needs an alias, as you can tell. I need to think of a absolutely stunning name for him. He has to complete with Bella Suicide, after all! So, enter your suggestions into reviews and I'll announce the winner in the next chapter!

Let me know!

Yours truly,

-LollirotXoX


	21. Chapter 18 Songs of Suicide, Part 1

Authors Note;; Hello all! It's been ages. I give you all a truly heartfelt apology. I had tons of things going on for a while, because despite what you all might believe, I do have another life other than fanfic lol. But summer is coming up very soon, which means no school and long days devoted to writing! But anyways, I promise it won't be another five month wait for another update. Give a shout out to Queen Cocaine for finally having enough of it and forcing me to write! Speaking of the she devil, she helped write this chapter. So cookies and love to her! A lot of the outfits in here are based upon pictures of other performers, or even some I made in Rock Band, my new addiction. I actually based my character off Bella Suicide. this chapter is extremely long, mostly due to the concert! Apologies, also, to formatting in lyrics. I have diffculties with the Document Manager on this site.

If you know the song, feel free to skim or straight up skip the lyrics. But if not, I suggest you read them, as they all have a particular significance. Enough babbling, on with the story right? Right!

Oh also, Alice's stage character is based off Emilie Autumn, and Edward's off of the Phantom of the Opera. Queen Cocaine created the name for Edward months ago, but I must say the runner up would have to be Edward Casque, credit to parADream. I thought that had a very nice ring to it, among others. Thank you all for your help!

Pictures of some outfits in my bio, since some of them are simply too difficult to describe correctly and sufficiently.

ALSO, to some rather RUDE reviewers;; I DO have a life, you know. And while my stories are a big part of it, sometimes things happen that must pull me away. I have been very busy ensuring that my future is well in tact, and I'm sorry, but that takes priority over a fan fiction. Twilight also stopped...speaking to me, for a bit. So while I won't sit here and curse you out (although for some very rude ones, I'd rather like to), I'd like to say one thing;; If you're going to leave me nasty reviews, cursing at me and flipping out, at least have the BALLS to sign in and leave your name. Don't do it anonymously. Because all that's saying is you don't have enough guts to stand up about it. I really do apologize for the long wait, but sometimes life takes over. I'm doing my best. And, as I've recently stated, summer is up, which means more frequent updates.

_**Hey guys, Queen Cocaine here. Long time no see, right? Well, me and Cassie have been toiling throughout the night to bring you this installment. Lol. Real back-breaking work that separates the writers from the…non-writers. Or something like that. Anyways this arc thing is probably going to take at least three chapters; we have a ton of songs and concert-ness planned. So here's our gift to you, SG fans, old and new. Enjoy it, savor it, you deserve it. **_

Disclaimer;; Don't own Phantom of the Opera, Twilight, or anything to do with any of the above. Also, I don't own;; "Rose Red", "The Art Of Suicide", "Opheliac", "Manic Depression" by Emilie Autumn, or "Star No Star" by Jack Off Jill. Also, a line is mentiond from Lady Gaga's "Boysboysboys".

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I was asked once, what I loved best about performing. Was it the millions of fans waiting to hear my music? Was it the joy, of sharing my songs, my deepest thoughts and emotions, with the world?

No.

Though those were definite perks of the job, what I loved most about my concerts was the rush of adrenaline I got right before I came onstage. Of course, it wasn't the literal, chemical adrenaline that coursed through a human's brittle veins in the event of it being stimulated. Rather, it was a heady sense of...flying, belonging, and being adored, all wrapped into one shiny vampire package.

Adrenaline that was missing from every other aspect of my unlife. I was a stone creature, passing through time untouched by age or wear. Days blended together into a sloping blur. One blink and an entire year had gone by.

At the exact moment, right before I stepped on the stage, listening to the pounding blood and the mixed sweaty sex-drenched scent of the crowd, I could _almost_ feel my own blood rushing in reply, aching for the siren call of all the delicious smelling humans out there. A sudden burst of energy, as if the very life force of the awaiting crowd was sustaining me. So yes, sharing my music with my fans was nice.

But what I really lived for in my concerts was a much more selfish purpose.

Vanity had submerged me into its nasty, narcissistic depths as I idly twisted one of the cascading locks of swirling black and hot pink that framed my face. My long waves were elaborating done in a very complicated style that I could not have done myself if I'd wanted to. These humans that work on stars, I give them many brownie points. They're creative. It was pinned tightly into place, but, when the show called for it later, it would not create creases in the almost spiral curls that looked flattened, so I could easily unpin it and it would be good to go. My make up was done quite artistically, as well. Of course I didn't need it, but it was a part of the costume. And for obvious reasons, a certain amount of disguising make up is needed for when I am out of character, as well. Make up is truly a wonderful thing. It's simply incredible the things that can be done with the right product.

Thin lines ran across the very bottom of my eyelids, outlining my bright crimson eyes, with only a little black shadow at the corners for shading. Since the thin lines also ran out so give me an intricate cat eye look, the beauticians had decided to go easy on the shadow. Mascara elongated my already vampirically perfectly thick, black lashes, and they had even gone as far as pasting fake ones on, with little pieces of glitter at the tips of each, almost ridiculously long tip. Pale foundation thinly coated my facial skin. The humans just couldn't accept that my skin, naturally, was simply flawless, and insisted that while on stage, the blaring lights would almost surely reveal a flaw in my complexion. So be it, let them have their way. My full lips were coated in bright red gloss, almost matching the color of my eyes, and the sharp bones of my cheeks didn't need blush. The beauticians had to at least agree with that.

I bore an ivory corset, so tight that, had I been human, I was positive I would have died hours ago of suffocation. It would have been impossible to breathe, let alone _speak_ in this. Red and white stockings encased my perfect legs, as well a tiny, white cut off shorts with my symbol in bright red fabric on one of the back pockets. This was simply so I wasn't awkwardly appearing in a corset and panties, though I'm sure my fans wouldn't mind at all. Some excessively talented human had put together my skirt, if it could be called that. It was a gorgeous mess of different frothy white fabrics, all lace, cotton, fishnet, sheer material and others I didn't even know the name to. A triangle of black fishnet fell down the front, right where the skirt clasped with a somehow dark yet dually pale shade of purple, sash of material.

As I was inspecting my impeccable appearance, the other cause of a single surge of actual emotion in my existence was currently stepping through the doorway of my quite massive dressing room. Perched upon a high stool, I swiveled to face the bane of my existence as he entered.

Had I been weak little Bella Swan, my jaw probably would have dropped and my mouth would have watered. I would have been momentarily dazed, by the absolute work of art arrogantly smirking at me and leaning one shoulder against the wall. As it was, my eyes greedily drank in the sight of him, my excellent vampire vision being able to appreciate him all the more.

What with my complex outfit with danglings of white lace and satin and the tight, yet somehow classy, corset bodice, Edward had decided to look somewhat...old fashioned, I suppose the word would be, for the first few acts. I would change outfits once, before the final act where we both changed. He would be joining me after only one of my own songs, as well as the introductory piece with Alice, and the set list mostly consisted of songs of mine, a few songs of ours, and the odd song of just his.

Of course, he wouldn't be Edward Cullen tonight.

Tonight, he was Devon Mason.

Being a vampire, with all the extra room in my head, I considered all of this while my crimson eyes drank up the sight of him. His long, toned legs were clad in black leather pants so tight that I could have seen every slight definition of muscle, even had I not been gifted in the vision department. A loose, soft white shirt with frothing folds of white silk hung loosely on his....simply delicious torso, buttoned only to just below the last row of muscle in his defined, but not too brawny, stomach. Buttoned halfway down his forearm, the sleeves were as billowy as my dress. We'd decided to go with a slightly Phantom of The Opera look, for him on this night. It suited him. His look was complete with a white, half face mask that curved to form to his sharp features. The half of his face that wasn't covered looked magnificent as ever, and I silently scolded myself. What else had I expected?

Slightly swaying off track of the Phantom, Edward had worn those knee high; lace up combat boots he seemed so fond of recently. This new Edward was still such a mystery to me.

The one thing, of course, that hadn't been changed about his usual appearance was his effortlessly tousled mess of bronze.

Refusing to be the first to comment after our less than civil parting before we'd had to separate to get in stage dress, a small, bitter smile fought to arise. Of course, I squashed that urge. But the incentive behind it didn't stop flickering through my mind. All we seemed to do lately was bicker and fight. Not that I minded; I rather found it very amusing.

Molten gold regarded me carefully, and I was absolutely sure I saw a flare of desire in his deep, impenetrable gaze before it was smothered in a haste. To cover his true feelings from me, no doubt.

I thought I looked rather good, myself. The foamy white dress, the little black lace fingerless gloves and the abundance of bracelets decorating my wrists, and my own knee high boots. Mine, however, were white, and had a much thinner, longer heel than Edwards.

Neither of us were willing to break the almost visible silence forming around us. To use a cliché, the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

Perhaps the moment would have gone on for all our eternity, knowing both our stubborn wills it was a variable possibility.

Fortunately, for my fans at least, neither of us were needed to break the silence.

"Bella!" Came the high squeal of my favorite pixie-shaped vampire. "Omigosh! You look so gorgeous!" Alice gushed.

"Thanks, Alice," I replied, my previously disdainful glare turning into a small smile for my closest friend. "You don't look too bad yourself."

My words rang true; Alice was beside herself with ideas for her new character. Her mind bounced from one idea to the next, almost too fast for even my vampire mind to follow. Over the last week Edward and I had been introduced to Malice; a gothic rock star, Jasmine; a country singer who we gathered was inspired by her own Southern lover, Lady Ophelia; an almost operatic singer inspired by the classic theme we had set.

Finally she set her mind upon Marie Alyce, her name inspired by Alice's true name; Mary Alice.

Marie Alyce was to have a child-like theme, with influences coming far and wide, from Gothic Lolita to early 19th century Victorian era. Her make-up was to be her mask, a delicate porcelain doll face with small geisha lips and wide outlined eyes. Alice's own personal touch came in the form of a small heart painted on her cheek. Her outfit was a cornucopia of corsets and lace like my own, though in a theme of light girly pinks and lustful fuchsias.

Scraps of material fluttered around her in a mismatched tiered skirt with everything from stripes to gossamer and even what looked like a lace doily attached. Alice's expertise in sewing would never cease to amaze me. Her tiny waist was warped to an almost unnatural degree by the white corset she had splattered with a red blood-like dye. Rather than use her natural black spiky hair like Edward was, she had somehow come up with a wig of cerise locks, some dreaded, some plaited with threads of ribbons, all somehow coming together into a half down, half up style almost as complicated as my own.

"You look extraordinary beautiful Alice." Edward's smooth voice brought me back into reality. I resisted the urge to allow my gaze to flicker over to him.

Alice shook her finger at him playfully, her usual bright smile lighting up her face. "Uh-uh, it's Marie Alyce tonight, _Devon_."

"With all the costume changes how could we forget?" He replied, and bent to press a kiss to the back of her hand, ever the 20th century gentleman.

I guess I was the only one who knew of his other side. Even the thought of the predator I knew lived and thrived within him sent pleasurable shivers coursing through me.

_**No**_, Bella.

There's no time to be fantasizing about Edward Cullen's tongue and the _things_ he can do with it, along with the his talented fingers and those delightful sounds he emits, not to mention the things I have yet to experience, tonight.

"Have you brought everything you need?" I asked Alice, more to distract myself than out of any concern that the ever vigilant Alice Cullen might have forgotten something.

"You don't know me, Bella." Alice winked as she brought out the pale white wooden violin from behind her. "I'm always prepared."

She was wrong about one thing at least. I did know her. More than she knew. "I was only checking." I told her instead, "You're on in a minute."

Instantly she seemed filled with energy. "I know! Isn't it exciting? How can you bear it?" She began bouncing on the balls of her feet, much to the amusement of Edward and myself. We exchanged glances mid-chuckle, and broke off into silence.

Once again we were saved from a moment of eternal silence by the arrival of a harried looking backstage aid.

My eyes turned black as the up close scent of his rushing blood filled my nose. A look at my companions showed their similar reactions despite all of us hunting only a few hours prior. The stage excitement tended to have...different effects on our bodies.

"Marie Alyce?" He addressed Alice, having known who I was already and using process of elimination to rule Edward out, seeing as he was a male, and looking down at the clipboard in his sweaty grasp. "You're opening in thirty seconds."

Alice turned to us, the shining clearly in her golden eyes. "Wish me luck!"

"Luck." Edward and I said simultaneously.

She took a deep breath; a habit left over from her mortal days more than anything, and turned to the massive curtain.

"Break a leg, Miss." The stagehand told her. She gave him a small smile that sent his heart racing again; we could all detect it with our acute hearing, and stepped out into the dark stage.

I moved next to Edward to get a better look through the curtain, ignoring how the proximity between us almost sent my own dead heart thumping. The stage, like much of my impromptu concert, had been dreamt up by Alice. The concert was set in a large sport-stadium, mostly for a theatre-in-the-round effect. The stage was a massive structure of thick glass, suspended high above the field with thick metal cables; only the highest seating had been hired out just for this reason. Laser lights were positioned around and beneath the structure so their beams pierced through and out of the glass like a giant kaleidoscope, shooting the lights out into the open night sky.

I watched as Marie Alyce took her position in the center of the pitch black stage. I knew she was invisible to the mortal eyes of the fans cheering and screaming my name.

"Three..."

I counted down, knowing she could hear me. "Two..."

She raised the bow to the violin and took her position.

"One...Go!" I hissed.

She began a tune, just a random high melody that hushed the crowd into a simmering mass.

They still couldn't see her but the music itself was enough to quiet them. They waited with baited breath as Alice's beginning melody drew to a close. She took a breath and sung out into the silent crowd.

"_Rose Rose Rose Red _

_Will I ever see thee wed? _

_I will marry at thy will sire _

_At thy will_

_The art of suicide _

_Nightgowns and hair _

_Curls flying every which where _

_The pain too pure to hide _

_Bridges of Sighs _

_Meant to conceal lover's lies _

_Under the arches _

_Of moonlight and sky _

_Suddenly easy _

_To contemplate why _

_Why..._"

A single rose red light slowly filled the stage, caressing across the glass surface until the whole thing was a glowing pink beacon. A stunned silence filled the audience. Alice lifted her violin from her chin and bowed in a curtsey. The applause began; partial at first but growing quickly until it began a thunderous mass that filled the stadium and echoed out into the night sky.

Alice lifted her hand and waited for the applause to quiet again before she began, half speaking, half singing.

_"Welcome friends, old and new. _

_Tell me no more stories _

_And I'll tell you no lies _

_No one wants to hurt me _

_But everybody tries..." _

She trailed off again, and turned to the audience with a huge smile. "My name is Marie Alyce and I will be opening for Bella Suicide tonight!"

This time the applause was even louder. Alice sung out, louder this time, using only her voice to silence the crowd.

_"Why live a life _

_That's painted with pity _

_And sadness and strife _

_Why dream a dream _

_That's tainted with trouble _

_And less than it seems _

_Why bother bothering _

_Just for a poem _

_Or another sad song to sing." _

She took a deep breath and lifted her bow to the pale violin once again.

During her soliloquy a few stage musician, all dressed in a similar theme to her, came onto the stage. She acknowledged them with a nod and set into her first actual song of the evening.

A spidery melody that sounded vaguely medieval spun from her fingers as she swayed in place.

"She's magnificent." I whispered. Edward hummed in agreement next to me.

Alice paused and took another breath, this time her accompanying musicians began playing in her wake and she lowered her violin and began singing in a low voice.

_"I'm your Opheliac _

_I've been so disillusioned _

_I know you'd take me back _

_But still I feign confusion _

_I couldn't be your friend _

_My world was too unstable _

_You might have seen the end._

_But you were never able," _

She changed pitches effortlessly and her voice drew higher.

_"To keep me breathing _

_To keep me breathing _

_As the water rises up again_

_Before I slip away."_

I should have known Alice would be as magnificent on stage as she was at everything else. Her gorgeous, melodic voice floated through major octave changes like they were absolutely nothing. I was heavily aware of Edward's strong presence next to mine as we made our way back to our dressing room, and I glanced up at him.

We hadn't spoken much since the incident in the woods. At that point, we both knew we were just barely toeing the line. He was trying to bitterly hard to hold onto something, which something I was unaware of myself, while another part of him was almost gravitating towards me. It was an almost purely physical attraction between us, at this point. Not that I minded. At all. The emotional path would unravel later, if my goals went to plan.

Which they would. I hadn't spent seventeen years elaborately planning this for nothing, after all.

I intended to increase the gravitational pull, naturally.

Remembering that night, a carnal hunger shone in my eyes as I bore my gaze into his, and he sucked in a sharp, unnecessary breath.

Next thing I knew, my back was against the mirror, shattering it to pieces beneath us. Not that it mattered much with our granite skin, but my manager was not going to be happy.

The vibrations of the enormous speakers racked the floor, and I moaned as a pair of almost frenzied lips captured mine. Apparently, Edward had liked the look I'd given him. Gratifying, that was. Since I hadn't even been actually trying for some action, but hey, who was I to complain? This new, libidinous Edward was quite pleasant...until he apologized, I thought darkly.

Granting access to the skilled, wet tongue tracing my lower lip, I briefly considered my bright red lip gloss, before discarding that thought. Who cared? Edward's large, pianist hands were curling roughly around my hips, and one was making its way over top of my frilly skirt, teasingly stroking the flesh of my thigh, right where he'd previously bitten might I add, over my tights. A shiver of desire crept up my spine, and I nibbled lightly on his lower lip, causing his skilled fingers to curl tighter around my leg.

Funny, how he seemed to stubborn to speak to me, but he was oh so happy with touching me.

"_You know the games I play, _

_And the words I say, when I want my own way_

_You know the lies I tell when you've gone through hell and I say I can't stay_

_You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me_

_When everything and everyone becomes my enemy_

_And when there's nothing more you can do, I'm gonna blame it on you_

_It's not the way I wanna be_

_I only hope that in the end you will see,_

_It's the Opheliac in me_..."

It was slightly amusing, actually. How the slightest spark of lust between us recently caused almost violent trysts such as this. Shattered glass all around us, I was suddenly conscious of my outfit. Though, of course, I didn't actually fear the humans themselves, I _did_, however, fear the incessantly loud mouth of my manager. If I ruined my outfit, when Alice had only a few numbers left, I would never hear the end of it. Through his hard kisses, I managed to mumble something resembling "outfit", and he got the gist.

I had expected him to pull back completely.

Once again, this new, exciting Edward simply held my body tighter to his, turning our bodies and slamming me so hard into the wall it shook slightly. Surprisingly talented lips refusing to break the passionate kissing they were currently locked in with mine. His hands skirted my sides, hesitantly testing their waters.

Well, wasn't that sweet.

He'd ripped my shirt off, what...two times now? And he was still shy as to touching my breasts?

Aw.

"You taste just like glitter, mixed with rock and roll." He breathed against my lips, and I laughed sharply.

"Lady GaGa? Be original." I snorted.

A chuckle was my response, and I swore I heard him mumble something faintly sounding like, "It popped into my mind...", before his lips returning to mine distracted me.

Still riding on the near-adrenaline like high, as I'm sure he was too, my body responded more than willingly. My fingers itched for his porcelain, perfect skin, and I briefly considered ripping the shirt from his body....But then again, I had just complained about my outfit getting mussed. His wouldn't do to get ruined, either.

I arched my back into his, and could almost feel his self assurance snap into place as his hands grew bolder, trailing up my stomach bravely and cupping each of my breasts respectively. A deep, throaty moan tumbled from my now kiss swollen lips, and his fingers gripped my corset. I knew, that on the slightest tug, the weak strings would give way to his inhuman strength, and for a fleeting moment, all complaints about my outfit previously, disappeared. I could care less what I had to deal with, as long as I was exposed to whatever that delicious mind of his had in store for me, that included ripping my corset top off.

But as all good things go, we were interrupted.

An awkward clear of a throat, and our hungry mouths tore apart to concurrently stare, well, _glare_ would be more accurate, at whoever had dared interrupt.

It was the same stage man that had entered before, to inform Alice to take the stage.

"Erm...Sorry to interrupt, Miss Suicide. But...er...you're on in five. And Mr. Mason is needed at his opening position in two." He stuttered slightly.

A curt nod was the only form of answer he received, and the next thing I knew I was on my feet...

And Edward was gone.

Well, fuck me.

I couldn't suppress the irritated sigh that escaped, and I checked my reflection once more. Perfectly in tact, except a bit of smeared lip gloss.

Edward probably had rose red lips now, shiny as ice.

That brought a smile to my face, if not a slightly sadistic one.

After fixing my gloss, I tuned back into Alice's performance, noting she'd moved on to an almost fast paced, rather amazing number. She must have used the accessory that caused her violin to sound similar to a guitar.

I wish I would have known of Alice's musical talent before this, but of course, I should have known.

As Alice played some sick notes and chords, I simply smiled and stepped up to the area I'd jump off of for my opening. The humans assumed I wore a harness. Oh, those foolish beings.

As Alice closed the song, her small, gifted fingers holding on a long, wailing note, she suddenly dropped the violin to her side and gave a bow. The crowd screamed and applauded for her.

Well, maybe Marie Alyce would have to make a few more appearances, huh?

I smiled in satisfaction. Alice was surely delighted that they'd all loved her so, I was sure. I wondered, idly, where Jasper was? Certainly, he would love to see his beloved like this, in all her stage splendor.

As her song came to a close, she smiled brightly at the crowd and prepared for her last song, by herself anyways. She left the guitar playing to her entourage, the back up player provided by my 'people', and I watched silently, appreciative of another artist at work, as her soft voice floated through the stadium. I'd actually written this song for her, but I wasn't satisfied with the way this particular soft melody sounded with my voice. It was much better suited for hers.

"_I can not distance myself _

_You were the one who believed_

_That only half of a girl_

_Half more than you could deceive_,"

I momentarily tuned out to the upcoming lyrics, pondering where on the stage I would jump to. After my opening with Alice, I was to perform a song of my own, and then Edward, excuse me, _Devon_ would come on stage, and we'd sing our first song together in front of thousands of fans and live cameras.

Marvelous.

"_I don't know what to believe, _

_Sew up the sore make it fake_

_When you're the boy that I want_

_I'll be the girl that you hate_

_You end up dead in the end, _

_Star no star_

_You end up right here, my friend..._"

I glanced around, seeing the huge stadium slightly distant. At least at this concert I wouldn't have to worry about crazed fans trying to grab at me. The large, raised sphere of glass was nothing if not grand. I thought of my set list once more, committing it to memory easily, and the music stopped as the lights dimmed around me.

I inhaled deeply, more out of habit than anything, and I sprung forward.

Here we go.

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Authors Note;; Woo hoo!!!!!! Finally done! Review, my lovlies, for me and Abbie shall begin the continuing part of this very shortly! By the way, the song with the sick notes Alice was playing was "Manic Depression" by Emilie Autumn, it's quite amazing. Let me know if you liked it! I feel this chapter was rather bland, but there was nothing else to be done about it or it would have taken me even longer to post. So, here you are! Thank you all so much for liking this enough to review and read so faithfully, but please, try not to be rude anymore, okay? And I'll try my best to be a good, faithful authoress once again =]

Tata loves!

-LollirotXoX


	22. Dear Lovely Readers

Dear My Lovey Readers,

I am very sorry for the terribly long wait. Unfortunately I took SG on at an opportune time that blossomed into an inopportune time. Real life has become insanely crazy, and I simply can not give her the devotion she deserves.

Queen Cocaine and I have decided to pass the baby along. Give a big congratulations to Hana Belladonna, the new Suicide Girl authoress! Give her praise! Search her up. I'll also post a link to her profile in my bio.

Farewell my faithful and beautiful readers, it has been a fantastic ride. I will be beta-ing and popping in the future chapters from time to time, and I recently found a few of my old oneshots I never got around to finishing so those might be up soon.

Yet again, I thank every single one of you. This story has gone on so long for you.

It truly sucks that it has to be passed along again, but it shall be a great work in the end.

Kisses and much love!

-Lolli


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